I don't know what to do....please help

Applying to College
1

<p>The title says it all. I'm a senior at a competitive public high school in San Jose, California and at a complete loss at the moment. A mixture of bad decisions and bad luck all throughout high school leave me feeling completely hopeless as to what I want to do.</p>

<p>Going into freshman year, I thought I was going to go into the Air Force. There was something about the way you could say "I'm in the Air Force" that was incredibly rewarding and I thought it was an extremely noble profession to be able to serve your country, but the conservative nature of the program didn't sit well with my very liberal family and threw that opportunity out the window.</p>

<p>My sophomore year I took a film class and then thought I could go into filmmaking ever since I made a short film about my autistic brother that won several awards, but as I realized how expensive filmmaking is and the average salary of most film students, the numbers just didn't add up and as I became more interested in more practical areas, it just didn't seem worth it.</p>

<p>My junior year things really got screwed up. I only got two of the three AP classes that I signed up for, AP English and AP U.S. History; both of which were impressive and classes that I enjoyed, but didn't push me in any particular direction for a major. Perhaps worst of all, instead of the AP science I signed up for, I got stuck in Zoology cause everything else filled up. It was basically a joke science that while interesting, I think severely limited my potential for further science-based careers.</p>

<p>I wasn't always the best math student either, so I tried to redeem myself by taking a MicroEcon, Calc, and Comp Sci classes over the summer, but I had to drop the calc class because the teacher didn't speak english, which made the brutal summer pace even worse. I liked the Economics and Computer Science though, and heard that I could consider both if I had a strong math background. Which I didn't.</p>

<p>But I thought I could improve myself if I took Calc my senior year to challenge myself. But I got my schedule this year and was horrified; not only did I get AP Stats instead of Calc, I got AP Environmental Science instead of Physics.</p>

<p>I tried to change out of both, but they explained that each class had a waiting list that exceeded 50 people, and that I could not attempt to get in without screwing everything else up in the process.</p>

<p>So that threw not only Business, Economics and Computer Science out the window, but probably most sciences as well since I don't have any physics on my high school transcript.</p>

<p>So here, I am. For the past 3 years I've spent every waking moment trying to increase my chances to get into college, but almost every time it seems that I do something wrong.</p>

<p>I'm absolutely paranoid; for the past year I haven't been able to hold a conversation without bringing up colleges or admissions, I've overloaded myself on classes and activities all throughout high school and in the process, isolated myself from many of my friends and family in pursuit of my work. Almost to the point of self-destruction. I attempted suicide my junior year and spent three days in a mental hospital, and once blacked out in class after pulling three straight all-nighters and eating little more than 3 apples and a bag of grapes in that time. But perhaps the worst part is that even with all my efforts, I still feel inadequate with only a 3.58 GPA and only 2 AP classes taken so far.</p>

<p>I was a slacker earlier in high school, and have basically been tormenting myself ever since to make up for that, but every day it feels more and more hopeless. I've made stupid, stupid decisions and every day try to redeem myself, but I feel it may already be too late. I know this isn't healthy, and a psychologist diagnosed me with ADD, but even his words and thoughts don't make me feel any better about myself. I'm still a pathetic failure in my own eyes, trying to make up for a past that was my own fault.</p>

<p>The only thing I am good at is helping people. I have over 300+ community service hours, which nowadays isn't even a lot, a student director at several organizations, and the "third parent" in a family with an autistic child and two other siblings who have parents who work late into the evening.</p>

<p>But other than that I'm not doing anything I enjoy, have mediocre grades, have distanced myself from my friends and family, and have had to consider going to community college just so I can think straight, something that disturbs the eager kid inside me who once thought I had a chance at UCLA.</p>

<p>I'm not blaming the world for my problems and issues; only myself.</p>

<p>I don't want to scare anybody or ask for sympathy...I just feel lost right now, and I don't know what to do anymore.</p>

<p>I'm scared.</p>

<p>I appriciate those of you who actually stick around to read this mess and wish you all the best of luck. Thank you very much :)</p>

2

<p>In the first place, realize that you can major in ANYTHING you want in college. Your HS choices do not define your life. I actually think that doing a year or two at a CC that has an articulation agreement with 4 yr UCs is not a bad idea for you. You can start by filling in some of the holes in your HS preparation, and in doing so you will discover whether those subjects actually interest you. You can get a grip on your ADD–is medication appropriate?–learn coping strategies, etc. You can work hard to get good grades, and shore up your stats. After two years of fulfilling general ed requirements, during which you can take calculus and physics if you wish, you will have a much better idea of what you might actually want to major in.</p>

<p>Personally, I would not be so quick to reject fields that you love on the grounds that they are impractical. People are always better off doing something they love, that is meaningful to them. In some cases, having it as a hobby is enough, but in other cases, people find ways to make a living. There are probably tens–if not hundreds–of thousands of people making a very good living in the film/tv industry in CA. There are people who have careers working with special needs children, working in the natural world (how about zoos and the national park service?) There are lots of programmers and engineers who make a good living too, but others who have found their jobs shipped to India. Nothing is a guarantee. There are enormous numbers of careers out there that HS students know nothing about.</p>

<p>If you go the CC route, you will probably also have the advantage of not being forced to make life choices because of crippling debt.</p>

<p>What is most important now is for you to calm down, take care of yourself, and realize that you do have good options.</p>

3

<p>I have a PhD in Mathematics from one of the top Math programs in the country. When I started in college, I was put in a remedial algebra class because my high school education was practically non-existant. I ended up transferring into UC Berkeley for undergrad and completed a Math major there, graduating with highest honors, before going on to graduate school. Pursue what interests you and realize that you go to college to get an education; you do not need to have completed that process before you arrive!</p>

4

<p>I see nothing in what you wrote that would limit your future potential in any way.</p>

<p>You say that you were a ‘slacker’ in part of HS (which I assume means you don’t have the best GPA). What this means is that you have to choose a realistic list of schools to which you will apply. However, if you do well in college, no matter where you attend, you will still have the potential to excel to the limits of your natural talent.</p>

<p>Don’t worry about not having Calc or certain AP sciences – here’s a secret, every college in the US has first level Calc course. This means that people are admitted to these schools who have not yet mastered this subject.</p>

<p>Basically, I agree with what Reallypeople said.</p>