I don't like this idea!

<p>it is funny that my dear friend is leaving for the “China” area as well. His situation is worse than yours cause he is taking over his farther’s successful company and he will be in charge of CUSTOMER REALTIONS AND SALES. Even though the company is not in China, but most of his customers are. I am not sure what will happen to him. But if you H is not involved in sales, the situation is more controllable. One way I can think of is to control the wallet.</p>

<p>There are terrific international and American schools, and English system schools all over the world. To the OP…are you saying your husband doesn’t WANT you to come? Or are you worried about uprooting your kiddo for his last two years of high school? If it’s high school you are concerned about, do some research into the high school options in the new country. You may find a TERRIFIC school there which would open up many wonderful opportunities for your kiddo that he would not have here.</p>

<p>However, American Highschools in China may cost $40,000US to attend. Its like going to a private college. And they are mostly located in BJ and Shanghai. secondary cities will not have them.</p>

<p>Gee. I’m learning something new all the time here. Job in China = divorce or easy affairs?

Have you explained how you feel to your husband? I think it’s an important enough issue and looms large in your decision. He might completely dismiss you, but put it out on the table for him to understand.</p>

<p>I did talk to him about this. But he said he will not do things like that. But, who would tell you he would?</p>

<p>Firstly, it’s not true that “100% of guys in this situation would have other women”. Secondly, if your H is the type who would succumb to this temptation then he would succumb to it anywhere - in the US, at his current workplace, in town, while on a trip, anywhere unless you keep yourself handcuffed to him at all times. If you don’t trust your H to be in a situation like this without falling for the temptations then frankly, you have other issues already in your marriage. Keep in mind that it’s possible he’s actually telling the truth when he says “he will not do things like that”. If the primary reason to relocate with him in your mind is to keep an eye on him and keep him under guard, there’s an issue already in your marriage. If on the other hand you want to relocate with him since you’re a family and you want to be together to enjoy life together, that’s a normal reason for relocating.</p>

<p>Note - there are many other jobs in the US besides the one he’s currently working. Why must it be either this job or the one overseas?</p>

<p>I am guessing English is not your native language. Where are you from? What languages does your son speak? Why would he not be able to attend an international or American school where English is the primary language? They are everywhere, and the IB schools are great. What an opportunity for your son. I think you are looking at this all wrong.</p>

<p>S only speaks English.</p>

<p>Someone already said, American schools overseas are $40,000 a year. And we have 2 kids, that would be $80,000 a year.</p>

<p>Plus, I have a job here.</p>

<p>This seems bizarre to me. Perhaps there is a cultural problem in this situation that I don’t understand. In American culture, good husbands do not leave their wives and children for two years unless they are forced to do it.</p>

<p>Yes, American schools overseas are expensive, but an awful lot of companies realize that’s part of the deal in keeping the expat employee happy and productive. OP (and husband) need to find out just how the package works.</p>

<p>Think of this as Go—no go.
GO: H has job.
No Go: W has job, expensive schools, splits up the family, H’s job seems uncertain</p>

<p>Hummm. Maybe your DH can find another opportunity. Maybe he needs to tell you more positives about why he should take this position. I’m hearing all the reasons why you shouldn’t be happy he’s choosing this.</p>

<p>Usduscladad, that may not always be the case. In some cultures, under some circumstances, certain behavior is condoned, and when folks return to that culture, they may fall back into that behavior which would not happen outside of that environment. Also in many situations there are those who would never behave a certain way, those who are certainly going to behave a certain way and those who might or might not, depending upon certain circumstances. Not much to do with the first two categories, but that third one is where you just might be able to make a difference.</p>

<p>^^ I know - hence my statement that there might be already an issue. </p>

<p>If a culture condones or tolerates it then it’s a part of the base of the marriage and if the W marries the H with that understanding then I call it either an issue already since it can happen regardless of where the H is or it’s not an issue at all, I guess, if the W accepts it as a part of the cuture of her marriage.</p>

<p>And if it’s just situational and happens, then it happens. Some spouses are susceptible to this and some not regardless of the situation. The fact that the H is willing to go away for a couple of years without the family, if that’s the case, may be indicative of something already.</p>

<p>I don’t think there are any excuses.</p>

<p>Hope - how long have you been married? and what ethnicity do you come from (I assume you are both american?)</p>

<p>Among typical benefits for families being moved overseas are paid tuition at international school and job hunting assistance for the trailing spouse. In my family’s case, it was great to have private school tuition paid for two years, as we were paying it anyway here in America (although we didn’t come out ahead because of other costs). If the husband has already been offered a job, it is important to determine the exact terms of the offer. Some other countries even require written contracts.</p>

<p>In Switzerland the international school was started and supported by various companies that had frequent international assignees. In return for their support each year, each company had several spots reserved for its employees’ children.</p>

<p>You come as a family, you leVel as a family. No one stays behind for months even to finish school. Keep your family together always. If you have questions about fidelity in your marriage, it can happen in any country. Talk to your spouse. This isn’t going to change due to where you live.</p>

<p>We talked last night. It wasn’t pretty. At one point, he said, “I talk to you but you disagree with me. I can pack my suitcase and leave anyways. What can you do to me?” </p>

<p>Could you please tell me, what I can do to him???</p>

<p>Basically, he wants me stay here 2 years with kids until S goes to college. He might get more pay, but the extra money can not cover the American schools overseas. Also, he does not want me to lose my job which has the health insurance to cover the whole family. </p>

<p>Why he wants to go? He might lose his job here end of this year. Why he does not want to find a job here? He thinks job market is really bad here now. Also, he thinks he will be happier over there. He wants to pursue his happiness based on my unhappiness!</p>

<p>In all honesty, it sounds like your husband isn’t very invested in your marriage or the kids you have together. In fact, I’m wondering if he already is involved with someone in China.</p>

<p>I suggest that you take a good look at your finances and do what you can to protect yourself and your kids in case what he’s doing is preparation for divorce and for making sure that you and your kids don’t get any financial support from him.</p>

<p>You might remind him that if you divorce him, he’ll lose his own health insurance.</p>

<p>There are other choices. You can go with him with your younger children while your son stays with friends and finishes high school locally. (My husband lived with family friends for his senior year of HS while his family was abroad for business.) Your son could go to college early. Your son could go to boarding school in the states. </p>

<p>You could approach this as an adventure. Your son will learn more living abroad than he ever would going to high school in the states. It won’t jeopardize his college chances. </p>

<p>Your health insurance should not be an issue. If this job is worth taking, it should come with health insurance. If it doesn’t, what is your husband going to do about his health needs while he’s there? </p>

<p>If your husband wants to leave you and is trying to use this as an excuse for a long separation followed by a divorce, you are much better off staying in the states and keeping your job. In that case, you might want to say you’ll come in three months and see if you still want to once that time is up.</p>