<p>As the school year is approaching, I'm starting to have some serious doubts about if I really want to stay away at my college this upcoming school year. I tried it fall semester last year (my freshman year), but I moved back after a few months due to financial benefits and some peace of mind. This past winter semester, however, a part of me wished that I had stayed, so I decided to try it again this year. But now, I'm not so sure. </p>
<p>Financially, this is no problem. It'll cost me a couple grand, and I've been saving money all summer. However, if I DON'T stay away, I'd have some Pell money refunded to me that would pay for my gas to drive there and then some. I have class 3 days a week and will be working on campus for a 4th, and my school's about an hour away from my house. Commuting was fine last semester, and I actually rather enjoyed it. </p>
<p>The thing is, I really, really love my house and have turned into a homebody, and I feel that I'll always prefer to be home. It has become a safe haven and source of stability for me over the years as my mother and I struggled financially and with the death of my father, and I just feel like I should be here if I can. I don't know if I'll ever suddenly "become ready" to be on my own and away from my mom, and I know going away now will help force me to do so and help me become more independent, especially since I have ambitions to study abroad. However, I love my home and I'm just not sure what I want to do... </p>
<p>I think I have a week or so before they start billing things, but I'm not sure. (could be sooner) I can also always cancel whenever I wanted during the semester, but I don't know how refunds would be handled from there. </p>
<p>Thanks for reading, and I'd appreciate any advice on the matter. My mother told me that she sees both sides of the situation and doesn't really know how to help me, so now I'm turning it over to the Parents Forum. :)</p>
<p>Some students prefer to live away from home for college. Some prefer to live at home.</p>
<p>I think you should do what is right for YOU. If you really don’t mind that drive, and you don’t really want to make that extended connection with your college campus…then living at home is fine.</p>
<p>Are a lot of the students at your college commuters…or do most live on campus?</p>
<p>Sounds like you are taking yourself into staying at home…but before you do think about why you wanted to stay on campus in the first place. With the right attitude, staying on campus can be a great way to be more connected to campus, make new friends and overcome some of the fears/insecurities you are feeling. For an introvert, that can be a scary thing, but college is hands down the best time to push yourself to do things that intimidate you. You sound like you feel guilty leaving your mother alone, which with the passing of you father (sorry by the way, I know first hand how hard that is) is only natural. However, if you want experiences in life outside of your family circle, you have to go get them, they wont come to you. Your mother will survive, maybe even grow some too having some space herself. You obviously love your mom, and that wont change if you grow and have a larger circle of people in your life. Leave the money out of the equation and think about what you need for yourself. Trust me that if you at all think you need this, then do it. And when things are lonely or tough on campus take this out and remind yourself why you are doing it and get out and meet some people! :)</p>
<p>One of my children spent a good bit of college commuting, one lives on campus. It’s simply a matter of your preference. Don’t let people tell you it’s wrong to stay home if that works for you. It doesn’t make you dependant, or socially backward, or whatever. Not everyone wants the same “college experience” so trust yourself first. You are only a sophomore — in the coming years you will grow and change plenty enough to go out in the world. Commuting to school is not a handicap if you don’t want it to be</p>
<p>I agree that you should do what you feel is right for you, but if you never feel comfortable living an hour away from home, how would you be able to spend a semester in a foreign country? I think living on campus would be a reasonable stepping stone to that goal.
It depends on what your goals really are.</p>
<p>College can be tough, especially first year. Stay home this year. Once you adjust to campus and all, then maybe you will want to try living on campus in a future year.</p>
<p>Living on campus will make it easier for you to get involved in activities and clubs. Typically it makes things more interesting and enriching for students.
Commuting, in and of itself, is not a problem though. Your motivation for eschewing life with your peers matters more.
If you feel “comfortable” at home to the point of not wanting to leave at age 20, it’s a problem. If you stayed at home, would you spend time with your mom or with high school friends now enrolled at a local college? Would you be enrolled in clubs? If you stayed in the dorms, would you have a roommate, would you be alone or with friends? Do you have trouble making friends and are afraid of living away from your mom? Or are you more mature than others and are afraid you wouldn’t connect with them? If you’re scared of living more than 1hour away from home, though, there may be two things: either you’re not feeling well psychologically and need reassurance so that you can take off when you feel stronger… or you’re closing yourself off from new experiences and losing out on college. Only you can measure the situation.
If you feel strong enough, living in the dorms, in the company of your peers, is an experience you shouldn’t miss. I understand you want to stay with your mom and love your house like a bird loves its nest, but a college student should spend time with other college students, meet lots of new people, try new things.
What will bring you more opportunities, commuting or living on campus?
If you want to travel though, living on campus for a semester would be a good stepping stone as BeanTownGirl said.</p>
<p>Do you have friends your age (not just acquaintances)?</p>
<p>Are you independent at home or does your Mom still do much of your day to day living things like laundry, grocery shopping, cooking, cleaning, etc.?</p>
<p>Do you prefer spending time in the comfort of your home over interacting with people your own age?</p>
<p>Thanks so much for the replies. I like gaining insights from others. It adds more perspective than what I can provide. </p>
<p>To answer some questions: </p>
<p>I do have a couple close friends from high school that I hung out with frequently. I’ve been seeing less of them this summer since I’ve been working, but the rapport and connection is there. </p>
<p>However, I also have some good friends at college. A couple were acquaintances in high school that became closer friends in college, and a another one is a roommate of one of these high school friends. I’ve become very good friends with her, and she knows a lot of people that I’ve met and will probably meet up with again this upcoming semester. </p>
<p>My mom does do practically everything for me, but I know that</p>
<p>*but I know that I can do (and have done) these things for myself if I have to. Of course it is comforting and tempting that she does it all, though. </p>
<p>I feel that I have been becoming a bit of a hermit this summer, but that’s not me in general. I’m fully committed to my education and to working to help support my mother, so I’ve been taking classes and working as much as I can the best few months, thus limiting my social life. </p>
<p>And also, I do have anxieties about things. I had an anxiety attack last semester, and to be quite frank, it was very fortunate that I was commuting and had my mommy to take care of me for the hard stretch after that. It was a period of bad things happening at once, and I wasn’t emotionally ready to handle it on my own. I reverted back to having night terrors for a few weeks, and it was just horrible. </p>
<p>However, though this all seems negative about leaving, would going away be able to help me in these areas? Did it for you or your kids? Thanks again, and sorry for the two part post.</p>
<p>I’m not talking about HS friends. Have you been interacting with and meeting college peers?
Have you been involved with any college clubs?
Have you made any meaningful relationships with college peers (not passed HS friends)?</p>
<p>“My mom does do practically everything for me, but I know that”
^Here you go. It’s easy living at home. You commute to college, go to class, and come home to your comfort zone where Mom takes over and does the rest. Doesn’t this make college simply an extension of HS? </p>
<p>I’m not criticizing. I’m trying to point out how someone else may view the situation.</p>
<p>IMO—This is the time to safely experience a more independent life by being away from your obvious comfort zone. Sometimes, a good way to face your anxiety is to get out of your comfort zone. While it may be difficult, it’s very important to allow yourself to experience things outside of your comfort zone. It takes time, but to purposely avoid situations that trigger anxiety will not help you to learn how to deal with it.</p>
<p>For now, do what you feel is best. However, if you do continue to live home and have Mom do everything for you, try hard to not to make this your routine. Spend more time on campus. Spend more time meeting new people at college. Spend more time getting involved outside of the classroom. Spend less time allowing Mom to do everything for you as if you were still a HS teenager. </p>
<p>The last thing you want is to be stuck living the life of a HS student rather than trying to step out and transition to adulthood. Growing up is scary, but it a natural progression for most.
For every scary experience, there’s something to be learned from it.</p>
<p>PS–Do you take advantage of the counseling center on campus to help you address your anxiety? If not, you may want to seriously consider doing so.</p>
<p>harvestmoon, aren’t you the one who posted a long thread about wanting to study abroad in France? How did you go from that to feeling like you don’t want to live away from home at all? </p>
<p>It sounds like you should seek out counseling at school to help you gain some stability in this period of your life. It is normal for young people to want to leave home and go out and explore.</p>
<p>Thanks again for all the thoughtful, helpful replies. </p>
<p>I realize that I am just getting a little scared, so I am gravitating towards what’s easy and comfortable. It’s true that I’m basically living an extension of high school, but it’s even worse since I don’t belong to any clubs or anything. I’ve been just focusing on school and work (partly out of necessity), but I know I should still do something else. </p>
<p>I’ve thought it over, and I think that it is right to go away. It’ll help me grow more on my own, and it’ll help prepare me for studying abroad. Also, I’ll be sure to check in with my school’s counseling center if I have any more anxiety over this once I move in. </p>
<p>I did it once (for most of a semester), so I can do it again, right? :)</p>
<p>You are a year older now, and since this is your second time around you will know what to expect. Try to join some clubs and meet some new people. You don’t need to do it big, take baby steps. It took my kids few months to adjust to college - living by themselves, not having us do things for them (remind them about various deadlines), and having so many kids around them. Once they adjusted they loved their experience. If it would make you feel better, you know you could always go home for a little while if the dorm living should become too much.</p>
<p>I think you are doing the right thing: live on campus (and now you already have some friends there), get involved in something that interests you, make more friends, and avail yourself of the counselling services. If I were you, I would do the latter NOW, not wait until you are in a crisis situation where running back home seems like the only solution. That is a way to sabotage yourself. You can talk to your mother on the phone every day if you need to. Talk with a therapist about how to gradually achieve more independence. Maybe an occasional weekend at home. She’ll still be there.</p>
<p>Harvestmoon, try to identify what you are afraid of about living on campus. What got to you last year? If you can identify the things you don’t like, you can work to change that. Was it too much time on your own? Join clubs or take another job, or volunteer somewhere. Is it worry about your mom? You can reassure yourself by calling her whenever you want, and visiting as often as convenient. I lived at college, even though it was just 20 mins down the road from home! I brought college friends home for home cooked meals, or those long weekends when the dorm kitchens were closed. I also held an annual “trim the tree” party at Christmas. You can make that hour drive home and treat your friends, tying your two living situations together. Don’t forget also, that between mid-term break, Thanksgiving, Christmas, January, Spring break, etc, there are a lot of days and weeks off when you can go home! It’s not a solid 9 months at school!
Can your mom go with you to set up your dorm room? Or join you for dinner a couple times during the semester, or meet you on a Saturday to go to lunch? It might be fun for her to see you in your new environment. She’ll be ok, and you will too! Good luck!</p>
<p>Absolutely think you are doing the right thing. In the long run, getting out of your comfort zone and being close to the activities and social life on campus likely will enrich your experience. That being said, be sure and prepare yourself for times when you may feel lonely, overwhelmed or anxious about being on campus. It can take some time to find your people and to feel comfortable. Give yourself permission to feel those things but push yourself to move past them. Try not to go home every weekend, but go home occasionally to recharge. Remember you aren’t the only one that feels the way you are feeling.</p>
<p>Good luck. Hope living on campus is a great experience.</p>