I don't THINK I want to go back to college

Parents Forum
1

<p>I have had a long winter break - 2 weeks so far, 3 more to come.
Unlike most students, or maybe even parents, I love my break. I haven't spent too much time with friends, and have spent a lot of time at home and with my family. I have had the house to myself, and the car sometimes, and been able to relax. I have been studying for next semesters classes, and looking at internships.</p>

<p>My family is experiencing some major medical problems, and that is naturally stressing my parents out. I'm a freshman, and this past semester I have liked my school a lot, made some friends, did fine in my classes, although not without difficulty, and really like the environment I am living in. Still, the past 2 weeks have been pretty good.</p>

<p>Even though its in a while, I'm hesitant to go back to classes and internship stresses, loneliness and homesickness (new friends vs. friends I've known for years), and hearing about my family member's illnesses from afar. My mom feels like I should know and that I should be a source of support, but that's hard when I'm in the middle of my college campus by myself. </p>

<p>I'm not that far from home by any means, and could certainly visit on the weekend, but prefer not to as I focus better on campus and because I adjust better when not constantly switching between home and school.</p>

<p>My parents also pressure me to do well, but don't understand what is required to get the results that they want, or that other kids they know have achieved. I think I might also make up some of that pressure, as while my parents would be accepting if I didn't do well or wasn't happy, I don't want to add problems to their already problematic life. </p>

<p>I guess somewhere inside, I am just a little kid saying "I don't wanna go to school." And I guess I just needed to vent. But does anyone have ideas on how to change my mindset by the time school starts? Right now the little voice inside my head says "Everything right now is so nice, why would you try and change it"</p>

<p>Thank you</p>

2

<p>You might just feel more ready in three weeks.</p>

<p>But, a bit of this is really pretty normal your first year. It’s not always easy to leave home and it’s not always easy to be new. But, you’ll get the hang of it.</p>

<p>When people tell you college is the best time of your life, or whatever, they never remember that the first bit is rather challenging. It’s the end that is the best part. </p>

<p>Hang in there and enjoy the next few weeks. No need to get ahead of yourself.</p>

3

<p>I’m sorry to hear of your family’s medical problems. </p>

<p>You seem to be getting double messages: “Go to school and focus on your studies and do well” but “be available to drop your studies to support us emotionally from your school.” It’s tough to be getting both of those messages at once and I imagine you might feel kind of trapped. It would be easier if your parents encouraged you to focus on your studies, while reassuring you that they will update you if any major health event happens or is about to happen.</p>

<p>A friend of mine was diagnosed with serious cancer as her daughter started her freshman year of college 5 hours away. My friend felt very strongly that she wanted to protect her daughter’s time at school, so she was positive when speaking with her and never relied on the daughter for emotional support (what could the daughter have done from the dorm room besides feel guilty that she wasn’t there?) Friend is now clear and daughter is graduated and all is well.</p>

<p>When you go back, I’m wondering if you could arrange specified phone times with your family, maybe once/week, in which they can give you updates, allowing you to immerse yourself in school the rest of the time. You may need to tell them “I can be a support or I can do well in school but I can’t do both.” Unless your parents are needing you at home to provide nursing care, it makes the most sense (to me) for you to be getting your education.</p>

4

<p>It is nice at home now because your friends are home. You will feel lonely once your friends start going back to school or get back to their routines. You’ll then miss your friends back at school. My kid has been home for over a month now. For the first few weeks she didn’t do that much besides sleep. She enjoyed the down time, getting up when she wanted, catching up on TV shows and reading. After 4 weeks at home, she is getting excited about going back to school to see her college friends next week. </p>

<p>It is tough when someone is sick at home, emotionally it is harder to leave. As mentioned by others, unless you are going to help out with nursing care, there isn’t much for you to do. I would want my kid to go back to school, continue with their life journey, and not be burden with something they can’t do much about.</p>

5

<p>You haven’t made clear what the situation is, but I will say that if you have a dying parent, or someone very close to you, who is not going to survive until the summer, than I would recommend taking a leave to spend time with them. Everything else can wait. </p>

<p>Otherwise, I think you should go back and try to keep in touch from school.</p>

6

<p>I think you just feel safe & comfortable at home! Yet, if I were you I would go to college your young and need to be that way for a while to learn. Trying to take care of home is not your responsibility but yes be there on the weekends to comfort your family & hang out with mom! Yet, don’t give up on school and stay away on campus because you actually learn & grow more!</p>

7

<p>I was diagnosed with advanced cancer in my daughter’s sophomore year. The most important thing in my mind besides finding the best treatment was that my illness not affect her graduation. She had already been accepted into a study abroad program, and I strongly encouraged her to go. Of course my illness has affected her, and at one point she could have dropped out. But she is now on track to graduate, and I anticipate being able to see that milestone in her life, and hopefully many more. It means so much to me that she will have her degree. Fortunately she is at a university less than a hour from home. She visits at least once a month, and I see her in her apartment, as my clinic is near her university. I would suggest you stay in school but visit regularly. You won’t get this chance again. You’d be surprised how many other students are going through similar situations.</p>

8

<p>Tptshorty, I wish you the best and hope that you successfully fight on. My mother fought stage IV breast cancer for over 10 years. They kept finding new treatments and she just kept on fighting one day at a time. </p>

<p>What I’m talking about is more at the hospice end of things. Unfortunately, I’ve been through that too. I cherish every minute I spent with my mother near the end, and I think she did too. In that scenario, NOT being there would have been making a huge sacrifice. The rest of my life just had to wait, and well, it could.</p>

9

<p>Thank you for all the good advice.
Just to clarify no one in my immediate family at home is sick, but 2 people in my extended family who we are very very close to are sick in another country. I will probably go to that country for 2 weeks this summer.</p>

10

<p>I can imagine the dilemma you’re in now. You shouldn’t quit school now. If you can go home easily on weekends, just do that and let’s keep hope alive, your family will be well. I just said a prayer for them. They need you to finish school well and get a good job so you can take better care of them. It’s not easy but you try hard. All the best.</p>

11

<p>You are fortunate to have parents that were able to build such a caring and comfortable home environment for you. You should aspire to build such a safe and loving environment for your own kids some day. That takes money. Sharpen those pencils and get back to your studies. Have a great second semester!</p>

12

<p>Definitely go back for second semester. You should be vacationing now, not trying to get a jump on the next semester. A few weeks is great to recharge your battery, however what would you do in the coming months? You most likely would be bored and missing school. In fact, the mention of working on next semester already suggests your heart really is in school. Go back when your break is over- you can always drop out during the semester but you can’t restart in the middle of it.</p>

13

<p>This might be something else wrong with me, but my mood changes so quickly. That’s why its hard to gauge whether or not I like something or am enjoying something. Just today (and yesterday) I had received an unexpectedly high grade, gotten an internship interview for next week when school starts, had been able to send out a couple applications because I got that final grade, went to the gym, etc . . .felt good. Then something really stupid happened, and I felt really upset and bad, and realized that with the new semester I will likely feel frustrated and lonely at times, because that’s what happened, but I won’t be able to tell the person whose support I would like/need the most, my mom, because a) there are much more serious things going on, and b) oh well, I have to do it because other people are doing it and thats how life works.</p>

<p>So I think the best solution is, regardless of what my mom would like, is not to call, or skype, or have the type of contact that would make me think I can always get comfort from them, because then I would feel worse. The sad thing is, sometimes, it really helps, but I know that I can comfort myself as well, so it should be okay.</p>

14

<p>And you can always come onto the cc parent forum and get lots of great support! </p>

<p>I’m glad you’re going back. It’s the right decision.</p>

<p>(((hugs)))</p>