I’m currently an undergrad student at a public university in the south. This is the end of my freshman year and I couldn’t feel worse. This year I dealt with anxiety and depression in a way that I never have experienced before. Because of it, I didn’t make any friends. Never went out. Never had fun. I failed two classes first semester, so I went into my second semester with only 6 credits to my name. I thought second semester would be better, over Christmas break I started feeling a lot better and more motivated, I had been receiving counseling so I was ready to go back. Little did I know that second semester would be the worse 5 months of my entire life. I had never felt so low. Everything around me was falling apart and I just couldn’t get it together, as much as I wanted to, I couldn’t. I let down my parents who are the best parents a girl could have. I’m now awaiting my final grades and I know for a fact I failed another 2 classes… as a result I will no longer receive financial aid since I was on the financial aid warning after first semester. I don’t know what I’m going to do, I don’t know how I’m going to pay for the next semester especially since I don’t qualify for any loans (which may be too personal idk) but the point is, I’m stuck, I’m hurt, and I’m disappointed in myself. I know I want to be in school and I know what I want to do as far as my career… I just couldn’t shake this… and now it’s affected the rest of my academic years… this isn’t me at all… I was an honors student in high school I never had issues like this before and it’s shocking to everybody in my life… mainly myself… I chose to write here to vent but also to hopefully come across somebody who may be experiencing/may have experienced the same thing…
Please talk with your parents now and get counseling. Then talk with your U about taking a medical leave of absence as needed to improve your emotional health. Only once this is resolved, start figuring out your way forward.
If need be, you can even transfer to a community college or take as long as needed until you resolve these issues. Educations can take time—my spouse took 7 years to get his degree and it hasn’t harmed him in any way.
I agree with @HImom you can’t handle this on your own. Get your parents involved, get a retroactive medical leave or withdrawal. Get your mental health in order. After that build back. There’s nothing wrong with taking a small number of community college courses a rebuilding that foundation.
I agree-- you need to speak to a mental health professional and to the people at your school.
But let me speak to you as a teacher and as the mom of a college freshman who battles anxiety.
You’ve had a rough time. Your mental health has hurt your academic progress. You’re hurt and angry and blaming yourself.
Yet, had it been a physical problem- had it been mono or something that caused you to struggle academically-- things would be different, right? You would still be angry, but you wouldn’t be blaming yourself.
I want to tell you with absolute certainty: mental health issues are no different than physical health issues. Either can prevent you from performing, from showing the teacher what you really know or from being able to learn new material. The only difference is that somehow we allow ourselves to take the blame when the issue is a mental health issue.
There’s no way that any of this was your choice. It’s something that happened to you, not a choice you made. So you need to work on absolving yourself from blame, and to move on in combatting the problem.
Step one: talk to mom and dad. Ask them to find a mental health professional that takes their insurance, and make an appointment today. It’s weird at first; you just go and talk, and don’t see that it’s making a difference. Kind of like Weight Watchers-- you have to stick with it for a while to see the results.
You say you failed your parents. As a parent, let me tell you this: They only want for you to be happy. Sure, getting that degree is a part of the path you’ve chosen, so they want that for you. But the big picture isn’t the grades. They want you to be happy and healthy.
You didn’t hurt anyone. You haven’t broken any laws. You don’t have a drug issue. You’re not pregnant. Your parents aren’t angry with you, they’re hurting for you.
You failed some classes. I’ve taught lots and lots and lots of the kids over the years who have failed a class or two or three or four. And they’re wonderful kids who have gotten to the root of the problem, attacked the problem, and found success.
So speak to mom and dad. Before you leave campus, speak to someone. Your RA can point you in a direction. Or stop by the mental health office, and ask them who you speak to about your enrollment status.
But breathe. You’re not alone in this. You’ll find your way through.
Since you felt better after counseling, go back. Take a gap year. Take care of yourself. College will always be there. You need to work on you and feel better and then you can go back to school. You’ll be fine - don’t be so hard on yourself. There’s so many transitions in a kid’s life at this age and very few come through without any battle scars. I’m a mom of 4 - if one of my girls came home and said: “I’m drowning. I need to feel better. Help me” you can bet I’d move heaven and earth to make things better. I’m sure your parents are the same. Take care, sweetheart. You’ll be okay.
I would either take a gap year or go to community college. If you can get documentation for your depression from a therapist or doctor then that might be sufficient enough for an FA appeal.
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Go to a doctor ASAP and be evaluated for depression/anxiety.
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If you are diagnosed with either of these, contact your dean of students and talk about a “retroactive medical withdrawal”. The idea is that you had a medical issue that prevented you from doing what you were capable of. If they agree, then that semester would be like you didn’t attend (but you still had to pay for it). But that would be wiped off your GPA. If they won’t approve of this, ask what your steps are to be able to return (worry later if this is what you want to do or not). They may tell you to do well at CC and then apply to return.
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If you have anxiety, you are now anxious about a doctor, your parents, your school, everythign. But you have to get help. Talk to your parents ideally about this.
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If you came down with cancer and didn’t know it , would you be this disappointed in yourself? Because you have a physical condition that prevented you from doing your best.
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The only thing you should be disappointed in is if you don’t take action. I know it is hard to take action when you are depressed, but get someone you trust to help you.
First and foremost take care of yourself with the help of professionals and reach out to your circle of loved ones without delay.
Second, I recently heard the best story of someone failing the first year of college. They took a few years off to regroup and worked outdoors during that time. Returned to school and crushed it. They will be attending an Ivy League Medical School.
There is hope. Never forget that.