<p>Cound not sleep last night after another arguement with DD.</p>
<p>I think I made two mistakes in this our first application process. The first one is under estimated our EFC. Many of the numbers I used in the calculator were completed wrong. That gave me the wrong impression so I encouraged DD to all expensive schools.</p>
<p>The second mistake was I that I actually beliveve that "Test scores are not that important" stuff on CC. Yes, I saw someone with a 1700 SAT got into Sandford EA. I do believe the standard test scores are not the #1 factor in admission. However, it is the top factor for scholarship. Because it is a MERIT based - meaning test scores and GPA. Now that DD's sub-bar test scores (within the content of highly competitive scholarship applications) is coming back to hunt us. </p>
<p>I told DD - you refused to prepare for the tests, you refused to spend more time working on your essay (often completed at 11:59 on the deadline day) because it does not effect you. You think you could still go to college. The difference is in the amount I have to pay. Why do I have to suffer because you want to do what you want to instead what I told you to do? </p>
<p>Sorry that most of my threads on CC are about money. Because I have been so poor and have never had a time to enjoy my life. Now that DD had the potential to get higher test scores and better writen essay for better chance of merit aid but choose instead to work on others like Key club activities. </p>
<p>It will be a sad story if someone with 10 AP, and life time 4.0 GPA and a decent ACT and two 800 SAT II has to go flip burgers for a year before possibly going to a college. But, it is likely to happen to our DD. Simplely because she wants to do "community services" more than taking care of her merit based performance.</p>
<p>Relax... love.... it will all work out. If your daughter ends up with no great options, she can take a year and reapply. But, I think it will all work out. :)</p>
<p>I think those community service hours and other ECs are going to be a big boost in her search for merit scholarships. There aren't that many that are just test scores and GPA that I've seen. Most seem to have applications with sections for school activities, community activities, work experience, etc.</p>
<p>There are many, many discussions of "gap years" here on CC...sometimes kids choose to wait a year or two, for many different reasons...and money isn't the only one. If she did not apply to any public U's, and only elite schools with tough competition for any merit aid, she could now look at public school options around you, community college, to at least get some college credit, or look at the tier 2, etc. private schools who are still really interested in bringing in top-notch students.</p>
<p>btw, you'll probably need to lay off the "Why do I have to suffer because you want to do what you want to instead what I told you to do?" attitude.. HS seniors, even the most studious and conscientious, pretty much become deaf on issues that involve parents "telling" them to do anything. It's part of their wiring. </p>
<p>And, if community service was her reasoning for putting less into score prep, etc. that's a heck of a lot better than her thousands of OTHER options....</p>
<p>Why don't you have her apply to schools where the stats she has put her in the top 75% or better, and/or where the school meets as close to 100% of need as possible? Standardized tests do count, but it is not the only thing that counts. Also check, if test optional schools will offer merit aid. Call the admission's offices and ask. Last, there are schools that offer merit aid based upon community service. My son got one of those, although it was 2500 less than the academic one that I was expecting (but it also required a lower gpa to keep that award).</p>
<p>I don't think that the finger pointing is going to solve any problems. I do sympathize with you, bc college costs are simply out of hand, but this is how it is at the moment. I think it must change, but that won't help you (or me, btw).</p>
<p>DadII, now is the time to get to your local Barnes and Noble, buy a cup of coffee, grab a scholarship guide off the shelf and search for various sources of money. With your D's great stats, her determination to serve her community she is bound to get some of those scholarships! And community service plays a big role here. She may not be able to cover your entire EFC, but every little bit can make a difference here. Also, look for local scholarships offered by Rotary Clubs, City Halls, etc.</p>
<p>Words of caution: if you keep nagging, she will blow off those scholarship apps. But if you just have a real grown-up talk with her asking for her help with financing her edication, she will pitch in.</p>
<p>NEM, DD's ability should push her stat to be at 75% of any schools but she decided not to work on those. Half of the schools she applied will meet 100% of the need but I am not willing to pay the EFC. </p>
<p>She is in state flag U and will go for full ride competition. The whole reason we got into an arguement was that she refuse to repare for that competition. Instead, she will helping out at a fair at HS thi weekend. Now, do you think the scholarship committee will value her help at the fair more than an excellent essay from someone who stay home and prepared?</p>
<p>Also, I think most schools apply scholarships first to the student's expected contribution from work and student loans. With her stats, I think she could be earning a darn good "hourly wage" on time spent on scholarship applications.</p>
<p>BB, I have pretty much told her that she will not go to college this year. unless, of course, she got some merit aids. It is so unlikely that she will win any with only an ACT of 34. There are so many kids with 35 or 36 this year applying for state U.</p>
<p>2blue, I would like to think she would "be earning a darn good "hourly wage" on time spent on scholarship applications." if she spent the time to do it. What is really upsetting is that she only picked one or at most two merit scholarships to apply from each of the schools offer merit aids. She did not even apply to many of the "good" scholarships from those schools. Because she has to "help sell hot dogs" at HS football game or something. All her teachers and GC love her. But these teachers and GC do not decide if her gets any merit aid or not. </p>
<p>For examples, last night is the deadline for a major scholarship application. Instead, she helped GC at school to do other kids stuffs until 8PM. And only after that she came home working on her own essay and fill the application.</p>
<p>I mean, recommendation letters from GC or teachers will be great for each and every applicants for any major scholarship. At the end, the focus will still on "scholar" part - GPA and test scores.</p>
<p>DadII: I will be blunt. YOU estimated your EFC incorrectly. YOU pushed your daughter to apply to high ranked colleges because YOU believed they would not cost as much as they do. YOU did not do YOUR homework.</p>
<p>....and now you want to lay the blame at her feet for what you consider to be lack of effort.</p>
<p>I hope she makes out well in her acceptances and merit aid and is able to go to school. I just think you need to back off on the blame.</p>
<p>I wish you good luck.</p>
<p>Crosspost w/DadII... If she is truely purposely not applying for scholarships that she is eligible for then you absolutely have reason to be angry at her lack of effort in doing this.</p>
<p>DadII, your daughter sounds just like mine! The more you try to push her, the slower she will go! You can't really glue her behind to a chair and make her write the essays, can you? Remember the SAT Math? I sense a similar outcome! :)</p>
<p>Dad, why did you say you will not pay for your state school? Your daughter is a very smart young lady, she knows you are just trying to scare her, and that's may why she is resisting doing anything for those applications- to get back at you. May be dangling a carrot of some sort would work? "If you get X dollars in scholarships, you will get 20% of the X amount from me free and clear for your personal use?" It worked great with some friends' kid.</p>
<p>Only a 34??? good grief that is a great score.</p>
<p>Heck my sons were offered almost full rides at Tier 2 and Tier 3 schools, with a 32 ACT. </p>
<p>One ended up at a top 30 private with a half ride scholarship and the other half paid by grant. The other son is at a Tier 3 honors with full tuition paid. Both are engineering majors and I see little difference between the rigor of their classes frankly. </p>
<p>With a 34 there are some great choices out there that will pay up some $$. You still have some great choices out there.</p>
<p>There are many schools where the deadline has not passed...if you want to throw in another school or two as a financial safety. in the meantime, where did she apply?</p>
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Instead, she will helping out at a fair at HS thi weekend. Now, do you think the scholarship committee will value her help at the fair more than an excellent essay from someone who stay home and prepared?
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<p>No. One needs know their priorities. You also do not think that she will get merit money, bc she got a 34 on her ACT. Frankly, a 34 is excellent. I don't know how much money she will get, how much you want or can pay, whether she will take a gap year or not, but honestly, it sounds like you are too hard on her. If I were you, I would want to celebrate her accomplishments. It sounds like you have raised someone who you can really be proud of! Enjoy her!</p>
<p>sax, yes, I made big mistakes and I started out admitting that. OTOH, there are still chances for her to make up. If she put in a little more effort in preparation. </p>
<p>I will refuse to pay for state U is the same reason she refuse to prepare for her test. I want to do what I felt like doing. Why should I work extra hard to compensate her lack of effort?</p>
<p>DadII, what you consider "lack of effort" is actually a lot of effort! Your D needs to be appreciated by her parents not for her test scores or for her GPA! Ultimatums for strong-willed teenages do not lead to gret results. As someone already mentioned on this thread, she could be doing much, much worse things than volunteering.</p>
<p>nem, is asking D to work on a test preparation or write an essay instead of going to help out a HS fair too hard? You are right about the priority. If her priority is to help others, than why does she need go to college? I am pretty sure SA does not require a BA to work there.</p>
<p>I don't mean to be disrespectful but you are sacrificing your relationship with your child because of $. I may sound drastic but I honestly think you need to go to a counselor to learn to step back. Your daughter's ACT score is excellent. Her SAT IIs are excellent. You <em>should</em> be proud of her. Instead, you are sending her the CLEAR message that she doesn't measure up. Growing up with that message could have serious repurcusions on her life. You are hurting her but you don't see it. </p>
<p>As far as college and $... The EFC is not from current income. There is an assumption that you have saved for college. That sort of generalizes that your income this last year has been your income for some time, that you have employment benefits (health insurance, etc)-- and I think that generalization is a major flaw in the system. So you have some culpability here-- not just for figuring out your EFC wrong, but for not saving if, indeed, that was an option. </p>
<p>One other idea... I don't know where your daughter is applying, but if she is in the top 75% of many of the colleges where she is applying, it is possible that they will give her a better financial aid package (replacing loans with grants) or give her a merit-based award. Find out if she could become an RA after first year; that would reduce housing costs. There may be other ideas but you need to try to <em>problem solve</em> and not just blow up at her. You are allies.</p>