<p>"My first question is “why are you looking up your son’s roommate on Facebook?” "</p>
<p>oh cmon, you wouldnt?</p>
<p>[standard</a> helicopter tactics - Google Search](<a href=“standard helicopter tactics - Google Search”>standard helicopter tactics - Google Search)</p>
<p>Wow, thanks for all the feedback. I feel much better about it now. To respond to what a couple of people found, um, strange, first, we are all pretty loose about our Facebook accounts in this family, so it doesn’t count for invasion of privacy. Related to that, I don’t think checking out a profile is “stalking”. Third, someone was suspicious of me for posting such a loaded topic as a first time user, and my reply to that is, the situation is what drove me to seek out this board in the first place (and I bet having concerns is how many parents wind up here). But thanks again for your comments and insights.</p>
<p>Son’s roommate was gay…no problems due to the gayness. They didn’t get along well, but it wasn’t due to anyone’s sexual orientation.</p>
<p>H’s first college roommate was gay, too. H didn’t know until it was time to sign up for roommates for the next semester.There was a knock at the door and a hunky male dance major said, “I have to be his roommate because I’m in love with him.” LOL, that certainly kept us talking for awhile (esp because my roommate was allegedly dating the newly outed guy.)</p>
<p>“Third, someone was suspicious of me for posting such a loaded topic as a first time user, and my reply to that is, the situation is what drove me to seek out this board in the first place (and I bet having concerns is how many parents wind up here).”</p>
<p>the concerns you are SUPPOSED to start out with, are like “will my son get into MIT with the following grades” To be followed by “He didnt get into MIT, he got into NYU, but with no fin aid, he also got into South Podunk U, we are sunk for life” and then either A. My spouse and I are working 5 jobs between us, its HELPED our marriage or B. The honors program at South Podunk actually has kids who can read, you snobs </p>
<p>Sometime after that you can ask about gay roommates.</p>
<p>BC–my question re: checking FB is not so much that it is stalking, but that it’s not a parent place to check out contacts of the (grown) kid.</p>
<p>But, i’m glad you feel better about things now.:)</p>
<p>Funny, BD! That pretty much sums us all up.</p>
<p>My son also will have a gay roommate as a freshman. He told DS of this after they’d been IM’ing for a while. I was proud that my son came across to his roommate-to-be (RTB) as sufficiently non-judgmental that RTB felt comfortable telling him. DS thought it’d be interesting as he hasn’t had any gay friends (that he knows about).</p>
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<p>I also reminded DS of this potential side benefit. Turns out he’d already thought of it and was a touch gleeful about it.</p>
<p>buttercup, Can you explain what it is that concerns you about it? You mention that they share a bedroom and are of the same gender and this young man is gay. But gay people are not looking to hook up with straight people. For this young man, your son will be a roommate and nothing more.</p>
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<p>Actually, if you are friends with someone (your child, for example), you can often access much of their friends information directly. Sort of ‘any friend of a friend is a friend of mine.’ I found this out when I was following a link to a school event that DS was participating in (before DS unfriended me in anticipation of starting college.)</p>
<p>michone, As the mother of a gay son who is starting college next month, thank you for raising such a good son. Thank you to all of the parents in this thread who have set the example for their children.</p>
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Our pleasure :)</p>
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But ihs76, I have Perpetual Unfriend status for all three kids. 
So anything I might do on Facebook would be regarded as stalking around here - if I even had an account, which I do not. </p>
<p>Apologies for my initial suspicions, buttercup. This issue puts my back up more than most others. I am glad the thread was effective in helping you feel better.</p>
<p>Seems to me if the mom has been on FB reading about the roomie, so has the son. Let it go…this is NOT your roommate. My guess is it won’t be a problem at all.</p>
<p>Okay, after all this, I said to my son to check his roomate’s profile, because he’s gay. My son’s response was, “So?” I asked him if it would bother him, and he said, “Not really”. Then he asked if I was homophobic. “I didn’t think so” I said. “It just hit close to home, without having much experience with it.” To sum it up, RELIEF! He doesn’t have a problem with it. Kudos the younger generation, I guess.</p>
<p>Knowing what I know now about kids and dorm life, having a gay roommate would not even be a blip on my concerned mom radar. I would not say a thing. </p>
<p>When I dropped my daughter off for her first year I left her with one suite mate who came with a built-in boyfriend (who was already making himself at home) and another who looked like she had followed the Grateful Dead all summer. I had to fight getting upset about the possibility of my kid being sexiled constantly or ganja girl lighting up before my H and I even hit the Jersey Turnpike. </p>
<p>I think my D learned as much from living in that suite first year as she did in the classroom. She is no prude and has no problem with people lighting up but she had no interest in smelling like pot all of the time or being tossed out of her room on a regular basis. She figured out when to roll with it and when it was important to speak her mind. She learned about the fine art of negotiation. Six years later the girlfriend/boyfriend are still joined at the hip and are two of her best friends. Ganja girl went on her merry way and hopefully is well and happy.</p>
<p>So many of these kids have never even had to share a room let alone live with someone from a different background or who comes at life differently. Give them some tools to solve their problems and most of the time they can work out the housing issues. Talk to them about trying to see the other person’s point of view. Talk to them about saying what they need to say clearly and not beating around the bush. Make sure that they know the dorm protocol in a situation that can’t be resolved in friendly discussion.</p>
<p>I can’t tell you how much my daughter has learned by living with different kinds of people. I have learned a ton by watching her live with different kinds of people.</p>
<p>Google stalking your kid’s roommate? I did it and I am not ashamed. :o I see no harm as long as you keep your opinions to yourself.</p>
<p>Two male friends of my daughter, who didn’t know each other, got thrown into a room together at random when both of their separate roommates took unexpected leaves. Friend One was gay and militant about gay rights, also ultra-left politically. Friend Two was an Israeli IDF combat veteran whose persona and politics were approximately those of Charlton Heston. My daughter thought the situation would never work. They got along fine – no problems whatsoever. Sexual orientation is only one personality factor out of hundreds, and whether a roommate pairing work or not depends not on any one factor, but how the hundreds on each side interact with each other and between the two. No one factor is determinative, or even remotely close to determinative.</p>
<p>Regarding checking Facebook, if someone doesn’t have their page set for friends only, it is possible for anyone to see their information. I like to look for old high school friends, and if their FB account is opened, I can see their wall and all the posts on the wall.
Just recently I looked at the pages of some of my kids friends from high school, some that I haven’t seen in years to see what they looked like now as young adults. Most had their setting where I couldn’t see more than their profile picture, but I enjoyed the small glimpse.</p>
<p>This thread title is even better than * do you can?* ;)</p>
<p>no offense but my mom let my brother run wild in high school after our dad died cause she thought that if she was strict then he would O.M.G. turn homosexual.</p>
<p>Instead he grew up to be a arrogant idiot.
I think I would rather have Liberace for a a son than a jerk.</p>
<p>But everyone has different values- and that is their right, just as long as it doesn’t infringe on the rights of others.</p>
<p>Ok forget the roommate- what if your son was gay?
What if he * asked* for a roommate of that persuasion or otherwise indicated it on his form?
Would your feelings change?</p>
<p>I understand that if you live in a very homophobic region, you may be legitimately concerned for your sons and his roommates safety-ok that is your issue and as other parents have- you will get to deal with many transitions while your child completes his move to adulthood.
However, college is about broadening one’s experience and knowledge- that is THE WHOLE POINT! Pat yourself on the back that your son is expanding his comfort level more than his parents have been able to do.
We can learn a lot from our children if we let them teach us.</p>
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<p>If they don’t do freshman co-ed room assignments, are same sex gay:gay room assignments kosher?</p>
<p>I’m glad this thread helped you Buttercup. I was going to say something sarcastic but you’ve been so open to different ways of thinking. Kudos to you. Sexual orientation of my kid’s roomates would never have crossed my mind or their mind as a concern. </p>
<p>In our youth group (liberal Quakers) we have a couple of gay teens and one trans-gender teen. The question was, especially for the transgendered teen, where do they sleep? Boys or girls tent? We ended up setting up a third tent for those refusing to be categorized. Straight, transgendered, and gay all slept in the same tent without problem.</p>