I got caught cheating. What should I do?

Parents Forum
1

<p>I'm a regular poster in CC, but I created a new account to protect my identity.</p>

<p>I'm a high achieving junior in high school. Today, I got caught cheating. Not only did I get caught, I got caught by a teacher who've I've known since freshmen year and thinks highly regarded of me and trusts me a lot.</p>

<p>To keep it short, I was left alone in her classroom and she left her computer assessable to me with the grading program open. Because of utter stupidity, I decided to change my grade. When she came back, she immediately realized that someone has changed my grades. She asked me if I did it (since I was the only one in the room at that time). I lied and said I don't know what she's talking about. I left the room as fast as I can. She called my parents and my parents are in shock. Nothing like this has ever happened to me.</p>

<p>I admit what I've done was stupid. I fully admit I should deserve any punishment that she chooses to give to me.</p>

<p>Tomorrow I will be forced to see her. What should I do?</p>

<p>Thank you for your help.</p>

2

<p>Openly admit what you did, apologize sincerely and accept the consequences.</p>

3

<p>All you can really do is ask for mercy. If this goes on your record, which it probably will, it will be very damaging for your college applications. It really depends on how the school handles it. You messed up and I know how bad you feel right now. You need to see what the teacher is going to do. Maybe you just flunk the course and nothing goes in your record????</p>

4

<p>My number one priority is that this won't go in my record. That is the absolute worst thing that can happen to me. If my teacher reports this to the vice principal, I will most likely me suspended. Although I have yet to talk to her. How should I approach her tomorrow?</p>

5

<p>Collegemom's words are worth a repeat: "Openly admit what you did, apologize sincerely and accept the consequences."</p>

6

<p>It's not as if you have any choice here...You need to tell her you did it, that it was unbelievably stupid and that you can't figure out what possessed you and you are totally mortified. If you are lucky, she will show some mercy...but that is a possibility only if you come totally clean. </p>

<p>The real damage here is the loss of your parents trust and respect for you. You will have to earn that back.</p>

7

<p>I agree with the others on the thread. First, your name "In denial...."......gotta get out of that mode......NO denial....it's real, it happened, take ownership for your actions. </p>

<p>As an adult, I would go more lenient on a teenager if he/she fully admitted and DID NOT DENY what he/she had done and then apologized fully and sincerely and then stated that he/she realized that there are consequences for such actions and realize the loss of trust that will ensue.....showed understanding of why this was a major misjudgment....and THEN on top of all those things, offered to make amends and ask how he/she could make things better and earn back the trust and ask for a chance to demonstrate that and acknowledge that it will take a while. Show remorse. Own up to your error in judgment and what it caused for others. While there will be consequences, I feel that many adults might feel like I do that the consequences might be lesser for someone who comes in with the attitudes and statements I just described than someone who either does not own up to it or makes light of it and begs for leniency. Your attitude and approach here may make a difference as to how it is dealth with.</p>

8

<p>Your number one priority is to come to term with what an awful thing you did, not with "this won't go in my record." It doesn't seem like you regret what you did, but more conern about your record. Your teacher will see through it when you speak with her tomorrow, which will upset her even more. The worst mistake you could make tomorrow is to ask her not to put it on your record. </p>

<p>Many teachers are very disappointed when their star students cheat because it violates their trust and many of them do take it personally. My daughter's chemistry teacher was so upset with a student for stealing a test and the whole class for not reporting it, he refused to write recommendation letters for anyone in the class. He felt for all of his effort the class should have enough respect for him to do the work and not take the easy way out. I have a feeling that's how your teacher is feeling. The last thing you should worry about is your record. You should be more concerned about losing your teacher's trust.</p>

9

<p>I realized after the fact that I should have put some context around this: You are a teenager, which means your judgement isn't fully mature yet, and you will sometimes do dumb things that you regret later. Teachers know this. You are not the only kid in your school who has ever been caught cheating. There are many who are quite practiced at it, justify it to themselves and others, and get away with it. Teachers know this too. If you come clean, you deserve a second chance-hopefully you will get it.</p>

<p>Just learn the lessons: Cheating isn't worth it. You are better than that as a person. You care more about your integrity than your grades. And when you find out that some other poor dumb kid made the same mistake, give them another chance. Forgiving yourself gives you the capacity to forgive others.</p>

10

<p>You should fully explain to the teacher that you KNOW why it was wrong and damaging. Don't make light of it as a stupid mistake. Explain why this SHOULD be a concern and you know it is one and how it affects trust and fairness too. </p>

<p>At some point.....maybe not tomorrow......you need to look into WHY you did this in the first place. Yes, you are young and young people make errors in judgement, but something drove you to do it. Are you seeking highly selective colleges? Think about if schools like Harvard will care more about the fact that someone has a few Bs or that someone has integrity. You can imagine which will be more important. Hopefully you will learn from this for the future.</p>

11

<p>I agree with Collegemom. Apologize, apologize, apologize. Be sincere. Explain that you know you were wrong; you are sorry for your lack of integrity and disappointed in yourself; you are sorry that you let her--one of your favorite teachers--down; it was a stupid, spur of the moment action (but you do realize how serious of an offense it is); you will never do anything like that again; you regret your actions not only because of the possible consequences (damaged relationship with teacher, possible suspension, etc.) and because you feel personally ashamed; etc. You can write her a letter as well as apologize in person. This also helps if your principle does want to suspend you; a prompt, personal, honest apology on paper is a great thing to have on your side. Whatever you do, do not argue with the charges, do not argue with suspension (further, recognize that you deserve the punishment), do not make up excuses.</p>

<p>x-posted with Soozievt. I also agree with her that you should think about why you changed your grade. Even though it was a stupid, thoughtless mistake, it's not an action that even should have been in your thought process. Talk it over with your parents and/or guidance counselor if that would help you.</p>

12

<p>Let's put it this way: the absolutely best - and probably only effective - thing you can do for yourself at this moment in time is admit what you did, openly and without qualification, and apologize, openly and without qualification.</p>

<p>My best friend cheated on an exam in our junior year. He was suspected of cheating immediately after the exam. He was approached by one of our vice principals, who half asked/half accused him of cheating. What did he do?</p>

<p>Admitted it. Immediately. The result? Significantly more lenient treatment - he got a 0 on the exam, got academic probation until the end of first semester senior year, but nothing on his permanent record. By comparison, another student in our year who cheated on another exam in a similar fashion, and then lied about it, was expelled.</p>

<p>Unfortunately, you have probably lost yourself the opportunity to get the most lenient treatment by denying what you did and running. So now, your options are less attractive, but what you must do is even clearer. I think you know what it is as well as we do. Do yourself a service, and go do it.</p>

13

<p>Thank you for everyone's response. I will definitely apologize to my teacher. Hopefully I learned something today.</p>

14

<p>You are getting some good advice here. Kids, and yes, you are still a kid, sometimes impulsively do foolish things. You acted on an impulse that was fueled by years of hard work to reach a goal., that of a high grade. </p>

<p>Many of us have thoughts of doing things that are wrong, taking shortcuts, cheating, stealing when we so want something. Now you know how easy it is to cross that line when an opportunity presents itself. </p>

<p>My son got into all kinds of trouble in highschool His transgressions were serious. He reported them all on his applications. He was still accepted to his more selective colleges. Only one school contacted the counselor for additional information, and since she was provided a copy of his explanations that the colleges had, she was able to support him. One thing that he wrote that was compelling was how he now understood what motivates some people to do the wrong thing, how easily you can cross the line. Because he is the type of person who does have to curb his impulses, he knows some of the whys and hows. He did not come to these conclusions easily, either. As an alcoholic has to understand that he cannot drink as his peers can, he had to come to the realization that he can't act as spontaneously as many do and as he likes to do, since he does not seem to have the natural aversion and fears of breaking the rules or getting caught. He plain out doesn't think before he acts, something that has gotten him in trouble and will get him into deeper trouble if he does not understand this and work to rein it in. If you have access to counseling, you might want to discuss your own feelings, morals and conflicts so that you get a deeper understanding of them and learn to deal with them. This is something you might want to tell the teacher as well. If you don't want to be that sort of person who cheats and is not trustworthy, you may have to work at it.</p>

15

<p>When I was mentioning earlier that you need to include an acknowledgement of understanding why this was wrong ....such as it destroys trust which takes time to rebuild and also that it is unfair to others who aren't cheating.....it is important to demonstrate that you know how this affects others and why it is wrong and not come across as it was a dumb mistake and is now going to hurt my record for college as being the reason it was wrong. </p>

<p>I like the idea of expressing all of these thoughts mentioned here on the thread, in a letter, as well as verbally in the meeting. This letter is a chance to be very clear and contrite and also may go in your record or may be shared by the teacher with the administrator.</p>

16

<p>Face it, the teacher already knows you cheated despite your denial. Now the teacher gets to see if you try to lie your way out of it (which won't really work) or if you realize you did a dumb thing, your conscience won't let you keep it hidden, and you'll fess up.</p>

<p>I suggest you try to get to the teacher early, before school starts if possible, and tell her you'd like to speak with her alone for a few minutes. If she's too busy at that time ask her when would be a good time when the two of you can speak alone. When you meet, tell her you feel awful, sorry, and embarrassed, but that you cheated by changing your grade. Be apologetic and let her know that you regretted it the moment you did it and you could hardly wait until you could come tell her of your mistake. Maybe she'll have mercy on you.</p>

17

<p>I wonder what was the outcome of InDenial's chat with the teacher yesterday morning?</p>

<p>I wonder how many times in the past InDenial did this sort of thing....seems strange that it would have been the first time. Suddenly, out of the blue, a stellar student makes this kind of mistake for the very first time? I don't think so. While it may have been the first time changing a grade, what kinds of cheating went on before that? Of course I also realize we probably won't get a straight answer to that question!</p>

18

<p>A lot of kids cheat. Some sit around plotting and planning the cheat, some are spontaneous about it, and there is an overlap in those types as well. The first reaction to have when you are caught cheating or doing any kind of wrong doing is a defensive one, denial and trying to get out of the consequences of the actions. These consequences can be severe, so it is normal that in the interest of self preservation that a person has that reaction. </p>

<p>But more important is the reallization of who you are to cheat, steal, lie. Is this the kind of life you want to have? If you make this your way of life, it is pretty much inevitable that you are going to get caught. Are you prepared for the consequences of that? I think those who are attracted, tempted to cheat with only the fear of getting caught the obstacle, should talk to a counselor about this attitude. I don't know if the feeling can be eradicated, but there may be ways to help succumb to the temptations.</p>

<p>Most people do not want to be known as cheats. Yet they want the edge, benefit, prize that can be obtained by the activity. Somehow a reconciliation of these feelings needs to be met.</p>

19

<p>It is always better to "fess up" than to dig an even deeper hole by lying. </p>

<p>Here is a similar situation in which students were caught hacking into school computers and changing their grades. The consequences can be extreme if caught.</p>

<p>SignOnSanDiego.com</a> > News > Education -- Official sees 'depravity' in cheating case</p>

<p>
[quote]
May 2, 2008 </p>

<p>RANCHO BERNARDO – In an emotional memo to teachers written the day after a cheating scandal was uncovered at Rancho Bernardo High School, an assistant principal revealed details of the investigation and reacted to what he described as the declining morality of some students.
Online: To read the memo, go to uniontrib.com/more/documents </p>

<p>“Our (worst) technological nightmare has just occurred,” Assistant Principal Keith Koelzer wrote. “At this point, we have identified 8 students (with varying degrees of involvement) who hacked into our school network, downloaded several teachers' files on the flash drives, distributed tests to students days before they were administered and altered grades on student transcripts. The eight students are all Advanced Placement students, they are all smart, but they have no wisdom. </p>

<p>“This case is unique in its depth of complexity and depravity.” </p>

<p>Koelzer e-mailed the memo to teachers Saturday, the day after the hacking was revealed. The Poway Unified School District released it yesterday, at the request of The San Diego Union-Tribune, with small portions redacted. </p>

<p>Until now, school officials have released few details about the case. </p>

<p>**“On Friday, one student went into incredible detail of his movements in this deceit over the past two months,” Koelzer wrote. “After listening, I turned to his mother and asked, 'What do you think of this kind of morality?' The mother replied, 'I am not a mother anymore.' I asked the same question to the boy's father and he responded, 'This is not the morality of my ancestors.' ” </p>

<p>Koelzer wrote that the pressure to get into a good college “has overly consumed one of our students. He described to his father and me how his transcripts were altered” and how he delivered them to a college. “As the student talked, I watched his father's face and I could see his 18-year dream of his child's UC education disappear.” **</p>

<p>The students' names and grade levels have not been disclosed, nor has how the case came to light. </p>

<p>“The stakes cannot be any higher for these students,” Koelzer wrote. “They are staring at expulsion, questioning by police, questioning by our district technicians, a potential lawsuit by the district” and a rescinding of college offers. </p>

<p>In part of his memo, Koelzer reflects on other recent events. </p>

<p>He attended the funeral of a 20-year-old Rancho Bernardo High graduate who died in a suspected drunken-driving crash in Poway three weeks ago. </p>

<p>The father, Koelzer said, asked for everybody in the church younger than 21 to stand. Then he asked all who had not had something to drink in the past two weeks to sit down. Only five did, Koelzer said. </p>

<p>The father had an opportunity to send a message, Koelzer said, “but he blundered as his son lay in a coffin below him. He continued by saying that he has been smoking pot since he was 12 years old and that he will continue to do so. He finished with a muddled message of 'slow down when you've been drinking and driving' and finally that it was 'better to get a DUI.' That's when I left. </p>

<p>“I don't know what all this means . . . this speeding into trees, DUIs . . . debris being thrown in the small quad and now having our trust being violated at our core. . . . I only know that our students need us now more than ever to direct their moral compasses northward.” </p>

<p>After classes yesterday, sophomore John Casillas, 16, questioned whether the comments were valid. </p>

<p>“I beg to differ,” he said. “Everything's OK with this school. Some kids have some problems, but overall, everything's cool.” </p>

<p>A 16-year-old girl said she knows several of the students involved in the cheating. It began in a classroom when one student accessed the school's computer network, she said. </p>

<p>“It was going to be a one-time thing, but they kept getting away with it,” she said. “They thought they wouldn't be caught. . . . The kids that did this were under a lot of pressure to get into a good school.” </p>

<p>

[/quote]
</p>

20

<p>My number one priority is that this won't go in my record. That is the absolute worst thing that can happen to me. If my teacher reports this to the vice principal, I will most likely me suspended. Although I have yet to talk to her. How should I approach her tomorrow</p>

<p>I fully admit I should deserve any punishment that she chooses to give to me.</p>

<p>Why shouldn't this go on your record? You did it. Then you lied about it. Your teacher trusted you enough to leave you alone in the classroom and you violated his/her trust.</p>