OP I think you should get a job, one that forces you to interact with a wide variety of people you would never talk to. Maybe you could sell tickets at the movies, work in the cafeteria or library, or something like that–something with a set schedule that you HAVE to show up for, and one that gives you visibility to other students who may be just like you but can’t find you because you aren’t at the parties, aren’t in the cafeteria, aren’t in the clubs, etc. Learn some customer service skills and then it will be easier to interact with people who are not like you. My son is much like you, and I think his little job as the receptionist at the student center is the best thing that’s ever happened to him. @MotherOfDragons list is quite harsh and overwhelming, but I also think she’s right. Start with a job then when you are comfortable in it (this does not mean you have to “like” it), challenge yourself to tackle that list one thing at a time (however long it takes–some of us are still working on it at 50).
@pennyforyourthoughts , YOU are doing OP a disservice by telling him everyone on CC isn’t friendly. Experienced adults come to this forum to give helpful advice. They spend hours here, for free, because they have either been through it, or have kids that have been through it and they can give a useful perspective.You have sour grapes because people didn’t tell you what you wanted to hear, based on your other posts. Even the posters in this thread who have been blunt are still giving real, helpful advice.
Ok, sure, great, get out of your comfort zone, try new things, yada yada. You can give all of that a shot. There’s nothing wrong with that. Hopefully things will get better.
I think that when a person makes a post like @Englishbooknerd 's, it is important to be sympathetic. Don’t criticize. Offer some suggestions if you must, but more importantly, just listen.
Sure you can be an adult and think you know so much, but as the saying goes, you can have twenty years of experience, or you can have one year of experience 20 times. Besides, it’s easy for adults to forget how cold young people can be to one another. College Confidential is just like the real world, no one cares about you, and everyone wants to make assumptions. I think I’ve accurately captured this “community.” @bodangles is absolutely right…being harsh is not going to help any one here.
@intparent and @Lindagaf case in point. You haven’t helped me, and you haven’t helped @Englishbooknerd. You guys make assumptions. One person helped me on my SAT help thread. I was very grateful. Besides that one person, I got a lot of unwanted advice from people who don’t a) know me b) understand me c) care about me. Sounds like a case of one year of experience x many times.
I think that unless people have helpful thoughts or kind words for @Englishbooknerd , these conversations are for pms.
I think a lot of the suggestions have been helpful. Join a club, get a job to meet people, give it time, eat in the cafeteria anyway. We aren’t making assumptions, we are responding to the OP’s own words. Remember that (1) most of us have been to college, and (2) most of us have one or more kids who have been to college, and (3) we see a lot of posters having trouble settling in the first year. The OP’s post is not that unusual.
And how does Penny know whether the OP has been helped?
The OP may have appreciated some of these suggestions, but I’ll bet that being called a “Debby Downer” is not going to make their day. This is what I’m talking about. Kind suggestions = good. Love = good. Name-calling = bad.
I just spit out my tea, I laughed so hard.
I’m going to ignore all the drama ^^^^^ and get back to the original post.
@Englishbooknerd, here’s another question. Are all of the things and people that you DO like very familiar to you? As in, you like certain foods, you like certain types of movies and books, you like a certain kind of music, etc. Do you like them because you do them all the time, over and over and over?
If you started to do something that you don’t like so much right now, like, say, join theater or the college newspaper or something (you pick), and you don’t really like it the first six months, might you like it in the second six months or the third six months? Based on the little info you’ve given, it seems like this is a possibility. Could you stick with something for a time until you do like it?
These are questions not assumptions.
None of us is in an actual counseling situation with OP. We don’t know his (assuming OP is male) actual emotional state, family history, friendship history, neurological make-up. Yes, he asked for advice, but unless he is masochistic, I’m assuming he could benefit from encouragement along with the wee bit of a kick in the pants. The degree of vitriol and contempt of at least one poster is a bit alarming because you DON’T really know where he’s coming from.
“Kid, you are where fun goes to die.” Sheesh! Maybe that was said with humor and tough-love, but how do you know OP will take that?
OP may be a spoiled brat, or OP may be an extremely conscientious person with a totally different neurological make-up than you (or most of his classmates) struggling to make sense of his social milieu . OP MAY be clinically depressed. The negativity in his “Debbie downer” post is consistent with the spiral of depression (though not enough to diagnose it, and certainly not here.) Depression can have a physical component in the brain making taking those first steps very difficult to do. Shaming/humiliating DOES NOT WORK if it IS depression-related.
Just because someone is smart enough to get into a top LAC doesn’t mean there aren’t struggles in other areas.
People are neurologically diverse. People on, or having some characteristics of the autism/Asperger’s spectrum (and I am not assuming OP is) can struggle their whole lives to understand social subtleties and to be “fun” but remain lonely. Socializing and making the effort and failing over and over again can be excruciatingly painful and cause one to withdraw. Healthy introverts experience fun in a totally different way than extroverts. Maybe OP just really does have strongly different preferences and wiring than the average person, which can be a challenge to grapple with. Not insurmountable, but just as valid and challenging as an academic struggle might be for another kid (i.e. a brilliant L.D. student.) That same wiring that gives him his sensitivity and appreciation for classical music may be the same wiring that creates a kind of shyness. But who is anyone to judge who or what is fun? Shaming him will not help him be “fun.” It’s a lot easier to be fun when you don’t feel your character is being shot down.
No one here knows him, so, an we give him a little benefit of the doubt?
I agree OP could use a little kick to try things, as many here have done in a nice way . But for anyone veering to meanness, PLEASE be kind.
OP, take heart! If you feel you ARE depressed, please go to the counseling center of your college. Take some baby steps to expand your life in good ways. You are the best fun for someone out there: please believe it.
I’m not going to disease-ify the kid when what I think all he needs is a hearty dose of truth and the directive to learn how to make his own fun instead of passively waiting for it to find him.
You all act like he’s so fragile. I have a lot more confidence in his ability to hear tough talk and do something good with it.
Truth with kindness…the two do not have to be inversely related.
MOD, you gave OP some excellent, specific advice and things to try…but delivering it in such a harsh way, does your message a disservice, IMO. I don’t know, maybe it’s a cultural difference…Perhaps people from vastly different cultures/regions within the US word thing differently?
I did not disease-ity him. I said we do not KNOW, so why not go gently with your truth. In case. And your truth is YOUR truth not THE truth.
I think tough-talking but well-meaning advice generally only works if the person on the receiving end knows you well enough to trust you… especially if the person on the receiving end is somewhat sensitive…(sensitive does NOT necessarily mean sick or fragile BTW) … and a sensitive person (the type that tough-talking people generally don’t respect) would be wise to learn to screen out those who tend to humiliate.
I do try to be kind. But I will say something less-than-kind when there is no other way to say it if I think the situation warrants it. And, honestly, MOD, I think that in this case OP is more vulnerable than you are. I sense you can take it.
I’m not going to divert attention here from the original question anymore.
Truth with kindness…the two do not have to be inversely related. @inthegarden Very well said. The world needs some more of that type of thinking right now.
@Englishbooknerd -my heart goes out to you, and I am sending you a hug. Between some of the harsh words on this thread, there is some good advice, and I hope the ‘tone’ of some of these posts did not scare you away.
And I absolutely don’t think ‘you are no fun’ You just have some interests that not every college kid has. Classical music, opera, good books - all laudable pursuits. But you don’t have to find an opera lover to find a friend. So keep looking
Welcome to the club. I hated college and I been here for almost 3 years now.
@bodangles, I feel like you calling declaring another poster to be “a jerk” is against TOS and fail to see how it is any worse than the post you are criticizing.
I get that MOD’s delivery might be very harsh, maybe too harsh, but I agree with her in principle. I don’t think saying “gee, your life really does suck-I can’t imagine how horrible that would be” would be even remotely helpful. I think the OP could use some frank honesty about his own role in his life. Stuff isn’t just happening to him. He sounds extremely narrow minded and unwilling to put in any effort whatsoever into improving his situation. Venting is fine for a little while, then some introspection is in order, with a concrete plan of action put in place to get him out of his comfort zone and to encourage a little more tolerance for the fact that other people can be very different from him and yet still worthy of consideration.
How about this - if you are at a top liberal arts school, there must be opportunities to see classical music/opera and even dramatic theatre on campus. Make sure that you go to everyone of these opportunities. There will be opportunities to speak to like-minded people in the snack bar of the theatre before the show and at intermission. You will be sure to recognise someone from your dorm, classes, dining hall, etc. so go up and introduce yourself. I’m sure that your school also sponsors opera trips to the nearest big city so go to those also.
Lastly, why don’t you volunteer to work as an usher or sell programs at these types of events? You will definitely meet like-minded people that way!
^^^My D was also at top LAC and they had a great performing arts programs for a school of around 1500. She continued her piano study there with great teacher even though she was history major. Lots of students were involved even if it wasn’t their major. Lots of student showcases and ensembles (required for majors to put on). There were guest artists and professor performances - acting, voice, choral, piano, instrumental groups, musicals, dance. If that kind of stuff is your jam, there was something every week or so. And as noted above, there likely is an opportunity to get involved as volunteer.
Usually student life has some type of committee that does programming for students - inviting speakers, musicians, authors, etc. That might be a good fit for you.
I will agree about food - get over it and try something new. Or just eat a lot of PB&J and cereal. Lots of young adults do that anyway 
Good luck.
Well this is an interesting read.
If the OP is really (??) a new poster, perhaps they are unaware that how they title their thread or how they present their issue in the first post typically sets the tone for the types of responses they get. If the OP has said something like " I am having trouble finding like-minded classmates who are not into the party/sports scene… here’s what I have tried so far… I realize it’s still early in my first semester but I am having trouble making friends, adjusting and finding my niche or food to my liking in the dining hall and we have few alternative dining options… " blah blah blah then the OP would likely have sounded like they were looking for suggestions instead of whining, and the tone of the responses might have differed.
Also agree with @Nrdsb4 that name-calling is inappropriate and using a nasty tone to call out someone who they felt used a nasty tone is ironic, if not hypocritical. That said, different posters have different styles. Some are more direct or blunt than others. Thats fine. Sometimes a poster needs support and sometimes they need to pull themselves up by their bootstraps. Sometimes they may need a gentle kick in the behind. Its fine to disagree-- thats what makes cc interesting. But chiding a poster whose tone or message may differ from ones own is equally unhelpful.
As for the OP, if you are at a LAC, even if its sports heavy like Williams as an example, there are plenty of arts-related activities to pursue. There will be other students who are not attending the games or the parties. The beauty off a LAC is that there are plenty there interested in learning for learning’s sake, and not just to party and get trashed. Look at the list of clubs and activities on the school website. Read the school paper, t4h activities written in chalk on the sidewalk and pursue some of them. Take it by the horns. Don’t whine.
Ugh. Meant to type "I feel like you declaring another poster to be “a jerk” is against TOS and fail to see how it is any better than the post you are criticizing.