Im in my first semester as a freshman and I dont know what to do I was so excited to go away for school, Im only an hour away and I thought it would be fun but Im miserable. My roommate wants nothing to do with me, I dont really have any close friends while everyone else has already grouped up and seem like theyve been friends forever. Im not super outgoing but Im not a mute either, Ive met different people and can each lunch with them but cant really call them my friends. All week all I think about is going home and every sunday I cry when i have to leave again. I got drunk with my roommate and her friends because they seemed like they liked me but they left me alone on the far side of campus at 1 in the morning. Im planning on transfering after Christmas to a school I can commute to, id be saving money and Id get to live at home but im afraid of missing out on the “college experience”. What do I do?
Have you thought about staying on campus on weekends instead of going home? It is on weekend when people have more time to socialize and do ECs. This is all perfectly normal. You may think everyone already has good friends and you are the only one without any, but in reality everyone is probably in the same boat as you - missing home, feeling lost, insecure and scared. It usually takes few months to get used to a new environment.
I still remember when my older daughter first went away to college. She said there were people every where, it was hard to find an alone time. She felt she always had to be up/cheerful all the time. She had to eat with people, walk with people, even going to the bathroom with people. It took her some time to get adjusted.
Give it a chance. Try to stay on campus and join some clubs.
I agree -quit going home so much and stay put for a while. Join clubs, ask people to study with you. Religious groups? Part time job?
Then if you still don’t like it transfer home.
Many people actually most people dont’ have a 4 year living in a dorm experience- so you wouldn’t be the only one.
Are you really seeking advice or do you want affirmation to transfer?
If you really want advice I would suggest what the previous posters have indicated above^ AND advise the following:
Quit getting drunk!
Either you did something stupid, while drunk, or they did something stupid while drunk. So stop! You are there to get an education. If you can’t handle the liquor, then don’t do it.
Keep yourself busy:
Go to tutoring, volunteer, find a part-time job. If you keep yourself busy, you won’t have TIME to be by yourself and you will meet like-minded individuals. You already have a group of people you eat lunch with so stick to that. No one says these people will be lifelong friends, but they can be acquaintances.
Newsflash: you aren’t taking advantage of the “college experience” because you keep going home. If you really wanted the college experience you wouldn’t be going home to set yourself up to cry.
Read the linked post. Your experience is very common and you are not alone.
Stop getting drunk, and do not go home all the time. Weekends are a major part of the college experience. We have all seen similar posts, and the kids who go home all the time do not fare as well as kids who immerse themselves in college. Why develop friendships with you, if you are never around to have fun with on the weekends?
You need to accept that you are becoming an adult. You need to involve yourself in campus life and find YOUR people. My daughter never became friends with her roommate and all of her friends lived in different dorms. She hated her first couple of months of college, but she had to get through it. She is now a happy sophomore. It’s a little unfortunate that your home is so close, because it’s very tempting, but try weaning yourself off staying home all weekend. It does not help. Maybe stay on campus Saturday night and go home for Sunday lunch. Effectively you are only on campus 5 days a week and you should be able to handle that. Stretch that time.
I see warning signs here that look as though you are setting yourself up for failure. Transferring is not going to change anything, but rather will put you in the exact same situation you are in now. And it’s worse, because by then, it will be harder to meet people. Stick it out for the year and transfer for next fall if you must. At least colleges have events for transfer students.
My D was in a triple last year, her freshmen year. Roommate 1 found her people right away, partied a lot and adjusted right away.
Roommate 2 went to a nearby relative’s house nearly every weekend first semester, ate in the room a lot, didn’t really make friends until second semester. In hindsight, knows she shouldn’t have left campus so frequently.
D was somewhere in between. Took about 3 months to really feel comfortable in new environment and make friends. Joined a few clubs but didn’t go to many parties.
So, it worked out socially for all 3. They just adjusted at different times. None are living together this year, but my D runs into them on campus and it sounds like all 3 are doing great! It just takes time.
" Ive met different people and can each lunch with them but cant really call them my friends."
But it’s a GOOD start. To make friends you have to have more interaction than just lunch. It’s a process.
Stick around on weekends and make some plans!
That can be a group activity set up by your dorm, attending a church of your choice and joining in on social activity afterward, Going to the gym and looking to get in on a class or just swim a few laps or run–you’ll meet someone maybe with a similar interest. Explore your campus! Find a friendly face and eat dinner. Best done on weekends.
Join a study group from a class.
Do not rely on your roommate to be your best friend. That’s setting yourself up for disappointment. That doesn’t mean you can’t be friendly and live harmoniously. Just realize you need to rely on yourself to decide who you’d like to hang with and random assignments don’t always do the trick.
And drunk “friends” do STUPID things! Even best friends. Keep your wits about you. Learn how to say “no” and safely extricate yourself.
My short story: My roommate WAS my best friend from HS so we got along great! I was lucky.
But we were in totally different majors and had different schedules etc.so we at times never even saw one another. It was up to me to meet people.
My advice (which works in life and love): Work on YOU! Go DO what interests YOU. Go to the PLACES that interest YOU. Be that church, the gym, the museum, the library, volunteering, jogging a club. Whatever.
Quit “looking” for friends and just work on what YOU want to do. You’ll be amazed at how easy it is to attract people TO you.
But you have to be present. It’s not gonna happen sitting at your family’s home on the weekend.
Don’t be too hard on yourself. Making friends in college, or any setting for that matter, is tough. It’s perfectly normal to feel like you haven’t quite found your fit in the first quarter. The nice thing about college is that there are so many people and friend groups you can try to reach out to and never feel like you’re out of options. I would definitely recommend staying on campus on the weekends because that’s when most socializing takes place. What the other responses have said is definitely true, if you don’t feel happy with the interactions you’ve had, change up your setting - try new clubs, hang out with different people, go to different events. You also by no means are obliged to be close to your roommate and dormmates if you don’t so choose. All in all, keep trying and before long you will find a group or even just a couple of people you’ll be happy to hang out with.