<p>Okay, so the problems continue to rise, and I am stuck. Her stuff is still laying all over the floor (even though I have repeatedly asked her to move it as I risk tripping over it and hurting myself...)...even though we moved in days ago. I keep my side pretty neat, and make sure to clean up as often as possible. She leaves open containers of food laying around. I have repeatedly asked her to lock the door...she very often just leaves it unlocked and leaves!! So, the thousands of dollars that are in my room, ranging from my laptop, to microwave, ipod, and camera, etc. Last night, she basically lied about the fan blowing on her (it was facing away from her, and I was standing in front of the only area she could have even possibly gotten a breeze from...and i turned it away one notch (she heard it click) and she said it was fine (but now it was facing the wall...so it was of no help to me), but then I turned it back and said, you can feel it here...she responded yes. Then, I subtly turned it further towards the wall (facing even further than when she had heard it click) and asked her, so you can feel it right here...and she responded yes. She lied! It was facing more towards the wall than when she could hear it click. So basically, she just didn't want it on. I have asked her repeatedly to leave the window somewhat open because otherwise it gets very stuffy and warm in the room, and yet she repeatedly closes it as soon as I am gone. Oh...and the fact that she is 22 years old, and has been physically homesick for days...that is RIDICULOUS. If you can't handle being 2 hours away from home for a few weeks at a time, then don't go here.... What should I do?!</p>
<p>Maybe you should be telling her this instead of us? Tell her how you feel now before she walks all over you.</p>
<p>People get homesick. Im homesick and Im three hours away from home. Im younger, but I still think you shouldn't hold it against her. Getting fustrated over a fan is a little petty to me. I think that you should chill about that and that she should get a blanket if she's cold. =P</p>
<p>Since she's an adult, basically, I guess you cannot MAKE her clean up. If she wont, then I guess you would just have to make sure that your side of the room is clear and that her stuff is on HER side only, and let her do whatever with her side. If she's blocking the entryway or something then it would be a problem.</p>
<p>But the door thing is important. You should just sit down and talk to her about big things like locking the door and what to do with the window, since those are two things that you HAVE to share. Maybe let her close the window while you are gone, but have the window open when you are in the room? Whatever you do, don't say it like you said it here. Something more calm would work better, I think, otherwise it would make things worse. Does she have a laptop/valuables? Maybe you should mention that hey, she should lock the door because HER stuff could get stolen too. </p>
<p>I guess if you cant stand it anymore, you could just move. But I would try to work it out. Moving would be just a big hassle when maybe all you need to do is talk. She might feel offended since, from what I gather, you are repeatedly nagging (sorry, could not think of a better word) about things.</p>
<ol>
<li><p>If you want the door locked when no-one is there, then she should lock the door when she leaves the room empty. No question. That's an issue of how safe you feel trusting the other people you live with, and whoever is least trusting gets to set this rule. I would note, though, that some people, especially women (women's clothing often has fewer pockets than men's, and women don't always have keyrings that fit comfortably into the pockets they do have), really do find it annoying to have to carry a key around with them every time they want to briefly step out of their rooms, so it would be nice of you to recognize when she shows you consideration on this front.</p></li>
<li><p>On the other hand, it's not your business how she feels about being away from home. Though it might be nice if you started trying to help her feel more comfortable there: you'd probably both be happier if you did.</p></li>
<li><p>As far as the window/fan issues go, if one person is in the room, that's the person who decides whether the window is open or closed and whether the fan is off or on. The two of you need to figure out how to compromise when you're both in the room. I'd suggest that you start by taking seriously her discomfort with the way you want the room to be just as you want her to take seriously your discomfort with the way she wants the room to be. </p></li>
<li><p>You also need to figure out a way to compromise over how much clutter there is. You don't get to set the rules here either. If tripping is an actual likelihood then she probably needs to clean up more. If in truth you can easily avoid tripping over things on the floor just by paying attention to where you're walking then you probably need to lighten up more.</p></li>
</ol>
<p>Go ask your RA for help talking this out with her and negotiating a way of life that you both can live with. That's one of the reason they have RAs.</p>
<p>Then start trying to get to know her a little, paying particular attention to things you can like and/or respect about her.</p>
<p>And then, since you apparently aren't going to be someone who really enjoys hanging out with your roommate, start trying to find other places on campus you can enjoy hanging out or studying, so that you aren't spending quite as much time on top of each other getting more and more wound up about each other's faults.</p>
<p>I never had a problem with unlocked doors because our doors locked automatically. But if the problem continues, you should pretend that some of your stuff got stolen and make her feel bad about it, then eventually, just say someone returned it after the period of her feeling bad. I dunno...</p>
<p>Hard not to feel sorry for a 22 year old living in a dorm...Hopefully, your life will go better then that!</p>
<p>Most dorm rooms lock automatically when you shut the door. As far as your roommate leaving a mess around, if it's on her side of the room and on her dresser, her desk, on her bed, and in her closet, it shouldn't really get you this upset. If she's homesick, be nice and maybe invite her to go out with you and your new friends. Don't be so judgmental right off the bat. Maybe it's not the direction of the fan that's bothering her but the noise of the fan. In a small confined area, sometimes a fan can sound like a big engine running.
There is always an adjustment period for getting used to sharing a room with someone else. Have you always had your own room? Have you ever had to share a space with someone else? Give it a little time and remember that she is entitled to half of the room. At least she's not setting up a beer pong table, smoking cigarettes or pot, or blasting music while you're trying to sleep. It could be much worse so count your blessings. Give it time. Give her and the situation a chance.</p>
<p>she can buy alcohol at least :D</p>
<p>make her feel so homesick that she goes home, that way u get single</p>
<p>^I lol'ed at this.</p>
<p>You're having disagreements about stuff like clutter + fan, so you've determined that you 'hate [her] already'? To be blunt, that's not an attitude that suggests your own innocence in this situation.</p>
<p>nontraditional's advice in post #4 is excellent. This will need to be a give-and-take situation for both of you: she shouldn't be spreading so much mess around that you can't safely walk through your area, but you also shouldn't be expecting her to cater to your temperature preferences while you're outside of the room, etc. Instead of trying to trap her in petty lies or continuing to work yourself up over minor issues, try having a friendly but honest conversation about both of your expectations, and then coming up with some compromises. If necessary, talk to the RA before things escalate. </p>
<p>I'm sorry that things weren't super easy from the beginning, but from the details that you describe, it doesn't sound like they're particularly terrible, either. Definitely stuff that should be overcome-able, provided you're both willing to be a little bit open and flexible. Odds are very good that if you treat your roommate like a reasonable person, she'll respond to you as such.</p>
<p>Best of luck.</p>
<p>Get a new roomate already! lol</p>
<p>that's why im lucky, i moved into a triple but somehow nobody moved in. OWNED</p>
<p>I am also problems with my roommate.
I got to sleep about 11 or 12, and she seemingly always comes in between 1 and 3, makes noise etc;, and then the next morning she tells me she was SOOOOOOOOOO stoned the night before.
She does some really weird things as well. I will be listening to music on my comp, and she'll walk over to her comp, blast music and begin singing, or if I make a call while she's in the room(she's not studying), she decides to make a call as well and talk very loudly, or she will make multiple calls at night while I study.
I had one convo with her, and we signed an agreement, so I'll give it another week before I confront her again.
No matter who you room with, they're going to have annoying habits because everyone does. So maybe have a sit down or suggest writing a roommate agreement, and if she is really bad, look into getting a single.</p>
<p>tiff90, my roommate's doing almost the same thing. even though school's only started for 3 days, she parties and drinks like crazy and comes because 1-3 as well and makes a lot of noise. and she text messages right before she goes to sleep for like 1/2 an hour so i can hear all those little tick sounds. EXCEPT THE MAIN PROBLEM IS IS THAT she refuses to compromise and respect. i told her how i felt and she basically said, "i don't really care about how you feel and i'm just going to do what i want." i really think there should be a level of respect though. so i think i'm going to try to get a single. ugghhh.</p>
<p>
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I got to sleep about 11 or 12
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</p>
<p>That basically means that you're a problem for her rather than the other way around. Picture it from her perspective. If she told you that she has to go to bed at 6-7 pm at night at the latest, and you better not be doing anything in the room after that or bothering her in any way, what would you say?</p>
<p>Seriously, if you have to go to bed unnaturally early, you deal with the consequences yourself. Get earplugs.</p>
<p>She should have notified you earlier of her habits. But, at the same time, some people aren't going to compromise. I'd be hard pressed to find the average college student that goes to sleep before 12:30am. But anyway, I had a situation similar to yours but I was on the other side of the equation. This was after freshman year though. I'd rather let her know now then let anything brew as the year goes on. Needless to say, I just encouraged her to get another room. Oh, and I only did this because I had moved in significantly earlier than her. Otherwise, I'd request another room if I hadn't moved in yet.</p>
<p>There's no changing some people. For me, I've paid my dues and had roommates for years, but it came to a point where having one and trying to accommodate someone else wasn't important to me in order for me to get my work done.</p>
<p>So, maybe this is her way of saying she doesn't want to have you as a roommate either.</p>
<p>
[quote]
Seriously, if you have to go to bed unnaturally early, you deal with the consequences yourself. Get earplugs.
[/quote]
How is going to bed at eleven or twelve unnaturally early? Some people have class at 6:30 AM. If she does have a class at an early time like that, she'd only have 3 or so hours to sleep going to bed at 3 AM.</p>
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Some people have class at 6:30 AM.
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</p>
<p>The only thing I can say about this is ********. Pray tell, which people are those?</p>
<p>
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How is going to bed at eleven or twelve unnaturally early? Some people have class at 6:30 AM. If she does have a class at an early time like that, she'd only have 3 or so hours to sleep going to bed at 3 AM.
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</p>
<p>I'd say before 1:00 you have to compromise. 1:00-3:00 is a neutral period where both of you should be considerate. 3:00 onwards, she should be respectful</p>
<p>For the record, when I have 8:00 o clock classes I still go to bed at 3 or 4 in the morning</p>