I Hate UVA

Colleges and Universities A-Z University of Virginia
1

<p>I'm a first-year here and I'm starting to hate UVA. </p>

<p>I have no friends. Everyone here is so clique-y, they already have their close group of friends and I don't fit in. Everyone I meet is the same: wealthy, athletic, white, from Northern Virginia. All the NoVa kids look down on us kids from southwest VA because we don't fit into their 'upperclass' lifestyle. My classes are fine, I'm not having trouble with them. </p>

<p>I don't fit in on my hall- on weekend nights I sit in my room and am very lonely b/c no one invites me to parties. Everyone on my hall and in my dorm is very homogenous; they're almost all pre-meds or engineers. </p>

<p>I am stuck here because I need the in-state tuition, though I guess I could try to transfer to another Virginia school. I know I'm not alone in this situation as most people that I speak to hate UVA and wish they weren't stuck here. You really should only go if you're white, from NoVa and like frat parties. </p>

2

<p>You have been there for a month or less. Please calm down.</p>

<p>Check out the kiosk or online for group info: if you are not finding peops like you in your dorm, chances are that you can find emotional succor elsewhere. Given the population at Charlottesville, there must be students with whom you can thrive.</p>

<p>You are at a very good school whose degree will open doors for you. Please hang in there and give it some time and effort. </p>

<p>Some screws require some serious elbow grease to drive home; maybe this is such a screw for you.</p>

3

<p>Hang in there bud. While I disagree that you should stay in a college just for the “degree that will open doors” (imo being happy will lead to greater personal success), it sounds like you could do some more exploring. Hang out with some kids that are not in your hall, join some clubs, and find some people that you will connect with. Going to a big school means there are all kinds of people, not just those you described above.</p>

<p>And also give them a chance. Not everyone from northern virginia is pretentious and/or wealthy. Coming into W&M from out of state, I was definitely in a culture shock when I first arrived on how many people are from northern virginia. But everyone here has been nothing but friendly and soon after the labels of where you are from almost evaporates. One of my best friends is now from no. va and he is one of the most down to earth people I have ever met. So be careful not to categorize everyone as that way that you are not open to new people and experiences.</p>

<p>At my current school, we have a lounge and a group of students that do fun activities on fridays and weekends that don’t partake in parties and such. (Yesterday, for instance we organized a paint-a-thon tournament and watched movies) I’m sure you can find similar people willing to partake in non-alchoholic activities in your school. If not, be on the lookout for campus events and clubs.</p>

<p>Give it a while. Keep an open mind. Remember why you decided to choose that school in the first place. If later on, you are still having these feelings come back and let us know. Certainly not every school is like uva’s atmosphere and there are several other great instate options that you may find more suitable if you really dislike it. (W&M comes to mind :wink: But give it time.</p>

4

<p>My first year son has had a lot of success finding friends by pursuing his interests and trying out what the university has to offer. For example, he has been to the chess club and taekwondo club. These are activities he loved in high school. He’s participated in activities with neighboring suites (laser tag, going to the downtown mall for dinner) and says he has become good friends with a few of them. He’s been to football games and likes to run the indoor track at the Aquatic & Fitness Center. He hangs out with his suitemates sometimes but is usually on his own. He told us he enjoys going to different dining centers and sitting with kids he doesn’t know. When he asks if he can join them he says they never say “no” but warn him that they’re upperclassmen (as if that’s something he should fear, he finds it funny that they can tell he’s a first year). He’s met a lot of upperclassmen that way and says they are very friendly and offer all sorts of unsolicited advice (which he likes a lot). Try pursuing your interests and getting to know people in your classes and I think you will find that friendships will develop. But if you despair then go to the Office of Student Affairs and talk to them about your feelings. “Hate” is a strong word to use and you shouldn’t feel like you’re trapped. They are there to help make sure you enjoy going to school at UVa, let them help you find your way. Your well-being is their mission. Drop by and see them.</p>

5

<p>My son also did not have a great experience at first on his first year hall. And yes, he felt there were too many wealthy kids who had already completed 4 years of calculus in high school. He tried out for one club sport and one competitive organization and didn’t get accepted. He then got involved in a singing group, a different club sport, activities in his major, and a fraternity that does not fit all of the stereotypes, and he has had a great time. </p>

<p>Check out the many many available activities, but at first don’t try out for highly competitive spots. Some first years have become disappointed because they tried out for highly competitive organizations and were not selected.</p>

<p>Also, don’t wait for other people to invite you. Find some interesting activities or restaurants and invite other people along. </p>

<p>Resist the temptation to go home too often. It will make it all the harder to adjust, because you will miss out on things that bond students together.</p>

<p>P.S. - the first week I was at UVa, it seemed everyone else had a group of friends from their high school, and I didn’t know anyone. That quickly changed - people started hanging out with people with whom they shared interests, instead of their high school acquaintances. </p>

6

<p>As a parent of a non-wealthy, non-athletic, out of state UVa student, I’ll speak to you as I would my own son. It is natural for groups to form of people who have similar interests, but it is just not true that everyone at UVa is wealthy, athletic, white, and from NoVa. After only 1 month there you can’t judge an entire university and all of its students and offerings. </p>

<p>What “is” true is that at college, opportunities will NOT seek “you” out - it is up to you now as a young adult to seek them out for yourself… University is a big place with people and activities of every sort happening all the time. But it is up to you to find the ones that appeal to you and where you feel at home. This can seem daunting and uncomfortable at first, but that’s all part of the adult experience - and really isn’t any different no matter where you go to school.</p>

<p>It is for just this reason that the university lists all of its clubs and organizations. With over 350 social/hobby organizations there’s bound to be something you like - and people you’ll find as friends. Look some up, contact their organizers, and find out more information. But most of all - make the effort and give it a chance. One month is barely enough time to be settled in, much less have decided how your next four years will go.</p>

<p>Here is the link to the University’s student organizations: <a href=“- @UVA”>https://atuva.student.virginia.edu/organizations&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;

<p>Best of luck - keep your chin up.</p>

7

<ol>
<li><p>You don’t hate UVA. You hate your current feeling of not fitting in, of being socially separated from everyone. Well, you are suddenly in a totally new environment and community where you have no established connections. This would be the case in pretty much any college. And you’re still brand new there, you haven’t even completed a single semester. It doesn’t seem like it right now, but there are enough people and activities there (and enough variety of people and activities) that you WILL meet and befriend some really great people.</p></li>
<li><p>There should be some central organizing office for student interest groups and such. Get a list from them of every student group on campus (there could be a thousand of them), and go through it to see which ones seem interesting and when they meet. Then go to a meeting for each one.</p></li>
<li><p>Form a small study group for each class you’re in. 1-4 other people to meet with for 30-60 minutes once a week or so to discuss what was covered in that class and what you were supposed to get from it. It’s best to schedule these meetings when your professor has office hours so if there’s any uncertainty or disagreement about what you were supposed to have gotten from a lesson, you can all go to his/her office en masse. Professors LOVE when their students visit them during their office hours and ask about their subject!</p></li>
<li><p>Attend social and entertainment events on campus. Improv comedy, a capella singing, a special lecture, a movie, a play, whatever. Sit next to someone random and start asking him/her why they came to the event and what they like about it so far and what else they would suggest you check out.</p></li>
<li><p>Get a frisbee, soccer ball, etc., go out to an open grassy area, and ask who wants to join you in a pick up game.</p></li>
<li><p>Moving to a new place is stressful. Starting a new job is stressful. College is basically both. There are a lot of other 1st years there who are finding the adjustment just as hard as you find it. Trust me on this: the threshold of who gets an admission officer is higher than the threshold for who could succeed there. You CAN adjust and succeed and thrive there. If you’re still unsure, go to campus counseling services. </p></li>
<li><p>Don’t forget that your first purpose at UVA is to learn. So make sure your studies and homework and projects and papers and such come first. But there IS enough time to handle school AND meet and befriend new people. I promise.</p></li>
</ol>

8

<p>I realize the relative anonomity of a website such as CC can encourage venting with strident school criticisms and blanket insults of one’s classmates. And threads with titles such as this one. I sincerely hope in “real life” you are less dogmatic. Consider that you will draw to you the energy you put out, and if that energy is predominantly negative (I hate it here, I hate everyone from NoVa) you will attract only people who share your negativity – and repel people who don’t. This will be true after college, in the workplace, in your family. Being unhappy can be a choice you unwittingly make every day by living in your own bubble of negativity.</p>

<p>You have received some excellent advice here about strategies to improve your experience. To that I would add that you challenge yourself to try cutting your classmates some slack. Assume that they are good people who are trying to adjust and find their place just like you. Don’t assume you know their whole story just because they have a certain address. If you want people to see you for all your fine qualities, start by treating others just that way. Be genuinely interested in other people in a positive way and you will attract the same. As a bonus – while asking questions you are likely to find people who share your own interests, and with whom you can enjoy yourself. </p>

9

<p>It hurts me to know someone is having such a tough time, but it’s good that you are reaching out to talk about it. I assure you, there are others that feel the same way at UVa and at schools all over the country. A lot of people have a hard time with the transition to college.</p>

<p>I cover Northern Virginia and I assure you that while they are well represented here, they are not the majority and that area is extremely diverse economically. Sometimes fear makes people cling to what they know, which is why some of those Nova students might seem like a big group. I promise you that some of them are really, really hoping to make friends with some mew folks. </p>

<p>You said you haven’t hit it off with your hallmates, so why wait for them to invite you somewhere? [There</a> are 998 student organizations on the books](<a href=“- @UVA”>- @UVA). Go find something to do that is in line with your interests and you’ll encounter like-minded folks!</p>

10

<p>Our D is applying to UVA and I am an alum. We live in Northern Virginia and would be considered affluent but are not white. We have similar concerns to what you are experiencing. I agree that UVA is an affluent preppy school. Sundresses at football games? Really? :)</p>

<p>I can tell you what I did as a minority and it’s the same advice I will give our D next August if she’s fortunate to be accepted. The fastest way to do that is to meet people with similar backgrounds or interest that you share. </p>

<p>As others have mentioned, you should RUN, not walk to the student association website and see which affinity group you are interested in. You’ll find people like you. The reason you are hearing the same advice from many people is because we are all graduates and have gone through some form of isolation or loneliness that you are experiencing. Everyone has insecurities it’s just that some people hide them in public better than others.</p>

<p>As Dean J said, not everyone comes from NoVa. And since 1/3 of students are required to be from OOS, you are guaranteed that a minimum of 1/3 of the students are not from NOVA.</p>

<p>UVA is an AMAZING school. The first year at any school is an adjustment. Find a student association or club of like minded students and you’ll be on your way to enjoying your college experience.</p>

<p>Good luck!</p>

11

<p>It looks like the OP is at least checking in on CC today, so I hope he or she sees all these excellent responses!</p>

12

<p>Thank you for the advice, everyone. </p>

<p>I have tried many different clubs, from political clubs to language clubs. They are comprised mostly of upperclassmen; very few first-years show up after the first meeting. The upperclassmen are nice but already have their close group of friends. I’m out of options. I don’t want to go through the rest of this year sitting alone while watching other people have the time of their lives. </p>

<p>I feel so alone. My roommate is more nerdy/socially awkward than I am, but he’s somehow found friends and is never in the room. I have nothing against partying. In fact, I want to party, but no one ever invites me to parties (and I would never go to a frat party).</p>

<p>The academics are the only thing I like about UVA, really. I really like my classes, I just wish they gave out more work so I could fill the void in my life. I think I’ll take harder ones next semester. </p>

<p>Should I transfer to community college? At least then I’d have my family for support. I really don’t know what to do at the moment. </p>

13

<p>Additional advice: Date! Find someone, just one person, of your preferred gender each week, and invite him/her to go SOMEWHERE and enjoy SOMETHING with you in the next seven days. Even something as similar as breakfast in the dining hall tomorrow morning before your classes. Tell your RA you need a blind date. ANYTHING. Just start getting to know people, one person at a time. </p>

<p>You have said multiple times that people don’t invite you to parties. Why should they? Do they know you? Introduce yourself. Ask what’s going on that’s fun. Anyone: 1st year, upper classmen, whomever. People generally don’t invite random strangers to parties, so don’t be a stranger - introduce yourself. (And I must say that some of the best parties I’ve ever been to or thrown had MANY people there I didn’t know before.)</p>

<p>"(and I would never go to a frat party.)" I personally was not interested in the Greek lifestyle, but… they’re people, too. You will be surprised again and again in college at some of the people who are Greek. You’d never figure them for it - they don’t seem like the type at all, but… whaddaya know, they are. I ended up with some Greek friends who really shattered my preconceptions. (I still never went to a Greek party, though.)</p>

<p>“My roommate is more nerdy/socially awkward than I am, but he’s somehow found friends and is never in the room.” I have news for you: the “somehow” isn’t a secret or a miracle. I’m willing to bet he found friends following exactly the advice we have given you. ASK HIM how he found his new friends.</p>

<p>If I were in Cville I’d take you by the hand, drag you to any event, sit you down next to the first cute guy/girl I see, and say, “This is Broom. He doesn’t feel comfortable opening conversations yet, but… why are <em>you</em> here?” And then wander off and look in on you 15 or 20 minutes later, and if the conversation is dead, repeat. </p>

<p>NO ONE there will ever get angry at you for introducing yourself. Man is a social creature. We need connection to other people. That’s why you’re down right now, because you feel that is missing. </p>

<p>I’m not going to give some moronically stupid advice like “snap out of it.” I’ve been clinically depressed; many of us have. It hellasucks, we know. I know you can’t just suddenly happify. </p>

<p>But you CAN start to meet and connect with new people, just by deciding to do it and then doing it. </p>

14

<p>I’ll just weigh in here and say that my Northern Va son met his now best friend at UVa. Best friend hails from Southwest Va and they are now as close as brothers.….my point being that you too will make friends and your outlook will quickly change. Heed the great advice that’s been offered here and let us know how you are doing. </p>

15

<p>I had a pretty difficult first year at UVA and I definitely felt out of place (despite being a pretty typical NoVa student!). I even started a similar thread on CC about how lonely and miserable I was. So I can definitely sympathize with you; it’s really hard finding your niche at a big school where people can appear to be hyper-competitive. It’s especially difficult to hear everyone raving about what a great time they’re having. </p>

<p>And two years later, I know so many people who had similar experiences to me. But we all managed to adjust and make great friends. I had to try out a ton of different clubs that did nothing for me, and had a couple “false starts” in the friendship department, but I finally found an organization where I felt like I belonged. It’s incredibly frustrating not feeling like you fit in, but don’t lose hope! UVA is a great school with great students, and I’m sure if you keep looking, you’ll find your place. It takes time. Wishing you all the best.</p>

16

<p>Thanks, everyone. It really makes me feel better to have people listen to me, and give me advice, even if it doesn’t really make a difference in my life. </p>

<p>No one really commented on my thoughts about transferring to CC. I’m mildly considering it. I’ve tried clubs, and I’ve even introduced myself to some people. I have some acquaintances, but they have their friend groups.</p>

<p>And I didn’t really mean that everyone from northern Virginia is bad. Most of the people from there just seem the same to me. I didn’t grow up in their culture: I don’t understand them or their motives. Many appear suburban and generic to me. And they always look down on me when I tell them where I’m from. They are generally nice, though- thanks for the advice from people who live there. </p>

<p>FCCDAD: In my social life I’d rather concentrate on finding friends rather than significant others. It would be weird to ask out random strangers, and would probably alienate me even more from the rest of the student body. They don’t like people who don’t conform. </p>

17

<p>There are thousands of community college students who would give away their left… finger in order to attend UVa. The main reason you are at college is to learn, and you said you are very happy with your classes. Your classes will get much better as you take classes that are closer to your interests and that have smaller class sizes. Don’t throw that part away. Your social issues are common, and these things will pass.</p>

<p>You also will probably never have a better chance to meet people from many different countries, who all speak fluent English.</p>

<p>Can you try to make sure you are back on your hall when most people are going to dinner together? That was a major way that people on my hall got to know each other – over dinner. </p>

<p>When you are not intensely studying, try to keep your door open. Keep an extra chair handy and encourage people to stop in and talk. Get a portable chair and set it up outside the entrance to your dorm, and do some light reading while you try to strike up conversations with people coming in and out. Spend some time in a lounge inside of your dorm.</p>

<p>Don’t give up on an activity just because there are mainly upper class students. They can be a great resource for advice on courses, profs, activities, etc.</p>

<p>Do you have any interest in a church, temple, etc? You can walk right into a group of people who will be very glad to see you. Many churches sponsor activities throughout the week. They often really welcome students. It is also a good time to explore various religious choices. If you don’t like traditional religions, give the Unitarian Church a chance. </p>

<p>Be willing to give fraternities a chance. There are now ethnic fraternities, etc, and many fraternities that are not pretentious or obsessed with binge drinking. </p>

<p>As far as other people being wealthy, keep one thing in mind. People who have bigger houses or fancier cars may just have much more debt. </p>

<p>I’ll always remember during my first year when our RA called a few average guys on his hall aside and suggested that one of us ask out the most beautiful woman in the dorm. We said “what?” He said the only guys who were confident enough to ask her out were complete arrogant jerks, and she doesn’t want to go out with them, so she was getting lonely.</p>

18

<p>Before you start down the transfer road, I encourage you to visit the Office of Student Affairs for help. After that, if you truly feel that transfer is the answer, then start looking into it. From what I understand, it’s a lengthy process like applying to college was not a snap decision. Be sure to research your options as you don’t want to make the same mistake twice or even a worse one. Consult your parents as they probably have better advice than we do seeing as they know you best. While you investigate transfer, since it will take a while to accomplish, your immediate prob of making friends remains. Continue to reach out by following the terrific advice given here. You may eventually discover that UVa is a good place to be and that transfer may not be for you.</p>

19

<p>Broomtwosheets,</p>

<p>I just PM’d you about a family friend at UVA who is from Southwest Va and is going through a similar experience.</p>

20

<p>For what it’s worth, transferring can be even more alienating (I’ve been there). Community College wouldn’t help the problem, it would just use your family as a band-aid. </p>

<p>My best advice, from someone who transferred to UVa as a second year after everyone had formed their first-year group of friends: keep trying. Go to more than the first club meeting and stick with it. Volunteer (the BEST way to not only do something with your time, but meet people). Pick a couple of activities and run with them and keep interacting with the folks and eventually, you’ll click. </p>

<p>Also, just a wise word: you mention that people look down on your and they don’t like you because you won’t conform. But, for the most part, you’ve mentioned that most of these problems are due to the other people and the ways that they appear. Perhaps not everyone is like this, and not everyone thinks of you that way. It’s a bit harsh to judge people for thinking they judge you. I promise you that there is at least one kind heart on those Grounds…I’ve seen so many on here as well</p>