<p>… and when I said “date”, I didn’t mean “find a significant other.” </p>
<p>I meant, “go do something social (non-academic) with at least one new person each week, so that you know ahead of time you have someone to talk to, just to meet people.”</p>
<p>Gee, I spent my first few weeks of college in my room studying. So many kids seem to think that their first few weeks of college should be spent socializing. I bet a lot of these bummed-out kids couldn’t rattle off which courses they are taking.</p>
<p>The first few weeks of first year should definitely include some social time because it is the easiest time to make new friends. The workload typically increases around the middle of the semester. </p>
<p>My son said he had some trouble making friends on his first year hall at first because it included too many engineering students and students from Asia who were not sociable. </p>
<p>UVa does try to mix up students randomly in each dorm to give everyone a varied experience.</p>
<p>It is often harder to develop a close group of new friends at a community college because most people go home or go to work when they are not at classes. Many community college students spend many hours working or have children to take care of.</p>
<p>I didn’t meet anyone or go to parties at all until second half of freshman year.</p>
<p>UVA is likely a rush instantaneously school, my school didn’t allow rushing until end of freshman year, and now they don’t allow rushing until beginning of sophomore year, no freshman allowed at rushing parties.</p>
<p>IMHO, if there is a huge frat and sports scene at a university, it makes the transition from HS to college more difficult. Even if you were in a party scene in HS, you likely didn’t go from party to party or have so many options.</p>
<p>@rhandco, we have a delayed rush. No first years are in Greek orgs at this point.</p>
<p>That’s good, so many schools are changing. NFN, I was a wallflower, so a few things helped me:
<p>And another NFN, if you grew up with annoying siblings, sometimes you actually miss them!</p>
<p>Again, as a parent…</p>
<p>What is troubling to me are the following comments:</p>
<p>“I have tried many different clubs, from political clubs to language clubs… I’m out of options. I don’t want to go through the rest of this year sitting alone… Should I transfer to community college? At least then I’d have my family for support… I have some acquaintances, but they have their friend groups.”</p>
<p>Four weeks. Out of about 40 weeks of time on Grounds your first year, you’ve been there only 4 weeks. Hardly enough time to truly “try” many groups or make friends - much less come to final conclusions about your year or your entire college career. </p>
<p>Yes, you will as of now have made some acquaintances only - people who may or may not “become” friends. Many people will already know other people - especially those who aren’t 1st years. It takes time. And all of this is during the first month you are all away from home (many for the first time), adjusting to a roommate (many for the first time), adjusting to a college-level course-load (all for the first time), learning how to schedule your time (all for the first time). 4 weeks. </p>
<p>Many of the clubs are lucky if they’ve even had 2 or 3 meetings yet - there’s a lot happening in the first month for everyone. Many kids who are in activities (sports, band) don’t have time this semester to be involved in more - so they may have attended a first meeting to check out the group, but won’t be able to be fully involved yet. And you’ll meet/see more of them in Spring. Many kids are simply trying to figure out how to have free time with all their studying. It’s a learning curve.</p>
<p>Going off to college can be challenging - you give up your circle of friends (and comfort) from high school to become an adult. It’s not always easy, there are in fact growing pains, and making new friends and getting involved in new things takes time, and work - just like everything else of value. I think the expectations that you’d have already found your friend group and fit in with everything you try in the first month of college may be a bit unrealistic. And I believe others think that as well - which is why you don’t have a lot of response to your question about transferring to community college. What you’re going through doesn’t seem to be a UVa issue - it’s a going off to college issue, and is something you’ll most likely experience anywhere you attend if your expectations are all based on a 4 week time limit.</p>
<p>If this sounds a bit like a parental lecture, well, it is. My advice? Simple: Don’t give up. Give your first semester a chance. Slow down and keep trying. Meet people. Continue to look for, and try out, groups. Just because people already have a group of friends doesn’t mean you can’t become one of them as well - but it won’t happen in a single meeting or two. Give it time. If you find a group you like, just keep going. Eventually people will notice that you keep going. And then you’ll start talking, and doing things together, and then… well, that’s how friendships are made. </p>
<p>Good luck.</p>
<p>Yes, when I started UVa many years ago, fraternity rush occurred in October of 1st year. It was legal to drink beer at 18, and no one even checked for that (I was 17). There were no rules. It was problematic for many reasons. First years now can only rush in the spring, and there are many more rules and more enforcement. </p>
<p>I should also add that both my kids did not get into the first college singing group they tried out for. They both found other groups they liked better.</p>
<p>The first year of College is certainly one of the challenging transitions in life. I think it’s way too early to be considering transferring, particularly to a lesser school.I had a conversation two days ago with a friend who told me how much her daughter disliked her first semester at Bowdoin but now couldn’t think of anyplace she’d rather be. I would hang in, keep an open mind and be flexible. UVa. is a wonderfully diverse school. You will find a place.</p>
<p>You may be more likely to feel like you fit in by doing regular volunteer or paid work. It takes a while before clubs really gear up, and until you’ve had a few events or a fundraiser, you won’t have a chance to really get to know people in the club. Since you are doing well in your classes, you might volunteer to tutor others. </p>
<p>When I was in grad school, I had a really great experience in a residence hall that was 95% international students. It was a worthwhile experience to explain American customs to people who had never lived in the US, and to learn from them. You might consider applying to live next year in UVa’s International Residential College on N. Emmett St. </p>
<p>OP, I don’t know if you are into watching sports, but the student group that always seems to be having a great time and also seems very welcoming of new members is the Hoo Crew. :)</p>
<p>Hey, I made an account just to reply.</p>
<p>I know how you feel. I wasn’t very happy during my first year at UVa and I contemplated transferring. I’m also from SWVa - although I never felt any judgment based on my hometown. I just wanted to let you know that you are not the only one who is feeling this way. I would offer to hang out/ grab a beer/coffee with you but I’m currently abroad. If you want to drop me a line on here, don’t hesitate. I know how lonely UVa can be sometimes and I don’t want anyone to go through that. I also found clubs/organizations to be composed of a lot of upperclassmen who did not really care about interacting with the first year members. </p>
<p>If you’re into sports, I would suggest an intramural team. Your RA should send you something about your dorm/hall having a team. Also when you’re planning your classes next term a PE class would be a good way to relieve some stress and meet people in a structured environment. </p>
<p>Someone else mentioned a study group, and I would like to echo that. Do you have any smaller classes? I found a lot of my friends came from my language class as it was smaller than a large lecture. </p>
<p>Volunteering is another opportunity to meet people in an organized way – Madison House has a lot of program choices.</p>
<p>Rushing is also a good opportunity to bond with other first-year guys. I know it’s overwhelming to think about when you aren’t having a good time and are feeling a bit socially isolated but it can be a lot of fun even if you don’t end up pledging. See if any of your hall/dorm mates plan on rushing. </p>
<p>I wish I could recommend more personalized suggestions to you but I don’t know that much about you. I can guarantee that you are not the only one feeling this way and others who came before you felt similarly. Your time in college is yours alone. Don’t let others define it for you. If you feel like you would be happier elsewhere, look into transferring. A lot of colleges have deadlines approaching for a Spring semester transfer. I would reflect on your time at UVa and think about your future there. Maybe give yourself a little bit of time to think about it and if you don’t feel differently - fill out a transfer app. Then you’ll have peace of mind knowing that you might be able to leave if you still want to in the spring. In the mean time, keep your grades up so a lot of opportunities will be available. Again, I really hope things turn around for you and don’t hesitate to drop me a line if you need.</p>
<p>On another note, I found Charliesch’s comment “There are thousands of community college students who would give away their left… finger in order to attend UVa” problematic. I don’t think it’s appropriate to shame or guilt the OP for how he is feeling. His experience at UVa is his experience and just because it’s a selective school should not undermine his feelings.</p>
<p>Broomtwosheets,</p>
<p>I hope you’ve read golfdude’s post. There is a friend waiting to happen. And I’m sure it’s only just the beginning.</p>
<p>Hey everyone, </p>
<p>Most of you were very kind, so thanks for your advice, especially Dean J and golfdude (Gofdude, I sent you a message). I really just needed someone to listen to me, because I didn’t want to make my parents worry. </p>
<p>I think I’ll be OK, or at least hope I’ll be. If not, at least I’ll get a great education. I think I’m done with this thread. </p>
<p>Best of luck. I really do recommend trying to volunteer. The Madison House is a good, easy, quick way to volunteer, although things can fill up. Look for a local school reading program, after-school tutoring, etc. You won’t instantly meet people your own age, but eventually you’ll see some familiar faces of those who stick with it and you’ll have something to talk about. It’s also a great way to fill the void of human contact…little ones can be quite fun and teach you something about the simplicity of life :)</p>
<p>Another suggestion: find someone to go on a walk with. Ask around, make a joke about wanting to keep off the freshman 15, you’ll be surprised at who is in the same mindset about either a) needing to exercise b) needing a talking companion. I’m an engineer so my social skillz aren’t picture perfect, but I find walking with someone to be extremely easy because when you run out of things to say or need something to start a conversation, just look around you and bring up something. </p>
<p>Since the OP is done with the thread, I am going to close it.</p>