Where I am currently attending college I live at home, but we moved up here so the city I am in is fairly new to me living wise. Upon graduating high school in December of last year, I was ready for the next chapter ahead of me but not really wishing it to come any quicker than it was. Upon receiving the acceptance letter from the school I wanted to go to, I was so eager to go to college and could not stop planing for the next school year to come. I attended the first freshman orientation that there was, chose the classes I wanted, and fell in love with the campus life. I could not wait for the first day of classes to come and the school shopping that came with it. Once school came around I was so excited the first two weeks. I loved my teachers, my classes, and the few people I started to talk to around school. In the next few weeks I had my first tests and were good with my grades, but I began to get sad. I saw all of my old high school friends having a blast at their schools, joining societies and frats, going to football games, and being in cool clubs and doing cool things in their new town. I made one friend in my second month who I surprisingly had SO much in common with. Me and that friend hang out, and go out to eat during school, but outside of school I stray away from everyone. I avoid talking and doing anything related to school, I cannot stand it there. I cannot find my “people” or “group” and I cannot make many friends. Nothing there seems like its for me, I get upset even talking about where I go to college with friends and family and it kills me to see everyone else having fun. I talk about this a lot with my parent, whom of which is footing my education bill, and they understand and wish there was something they could do, but we both know I couldn’t really change much until next school year. I really want to try to fit in and have fun where I am going, but I can’t think of anything other than transferring to another school. What should I do in order to feel better about where I am attending? Is this normal for my first year of school? Should I actually transfer if all else fails or just tough it out?
I saw all of my old high school friends having a blast at their schools, joining societies and frats, going to football games, and being in cool clubs and doing cool things in their new town.
Do you mean you saw all of your old friends doing these things on social media? I can’t help but notice in your post everything was find until you started comparing your experience to other’s. If that is the case, you have an iPhone problem, not a college problem. Too much looking at the phone.
Maybe your problem is that you want to live on campus rather than at home?
IMHO, you have a little more analysis to do as to what the problem is.
I don’t get it. Sounds like you were happy and doing well at the school until you compared your expereince to your friend’s expereince. Don’t fool yourself – a few smiling photos doesn’t mean that a person is happy all the time at college.
Even if you are commuting you can join clubs, go to sports events etc. You should spend more time getting involved on campus and less time looking at social media.
You might want to seek out the counseling center at your college for some support.
“I saw all of my old high school friends having a blast at their schools,”
Do not believe what you see on social media.
Most students require a while to adjust to life at a university. Attending university is a big change to your life. It takes months to adjust to this.
If you see a post on social media that looks like someone is having a great time at university, that is just a post on social media. They might have done one thing that looks like fun. Then they go back to their dorm, don’t know anyone well, are sitting alone, and have tons of homework to do. Normal life is not nearly as exciting as what you see on social media. Some people will have found a group of people to hang out with, but they do not really know them well.
You should talk to a counselor at university. Adjusting to university life is tough. Most schools have counselors you can talk to specifically because they know that adjustment is tough and they know that many if not most students are feeling exactly the way that you are.
You also should participate in some clubs and activities. If you don’t like the first couple of activities that you try, then try a couple more. Over time this will allow you to meet people who like the same things that you do. However it will take time.
This post was written for students like you. http://talk.qa.collegeconfidential.com/college-life/2016222-to-those-who-feel-lonely-homesick-friendless-think-they-chose-the-wrong-school-etc-p1.html
What will be better if you transfer? You have a good friend at your current school, so you are in a much better position than a huge percentage of students.
I agree that you need to get off your phone. The stuff people post on social media is not real. Nobody posts photos of the times they feel down, or did poorly on tests, or had nothing fun to do at the weekend. You have someone you want to spend time with at college. It’s still early days. You “cannot find friends” should be rephrased to “I haven’t yet found many friends.” You haven’t yet found all of your people, but that doesn’t mean they aren’t there. Give it time.
College is a very different experience for commuters versus residential students.
It would help to know more about your current school, your interests & your intended major. Also, can you afford to attend another school as a residential student ?
Even if you live at home you can join a sorority/frat. In fact, I think those who do become more involved in the campus life because they have a ‘home’ to park their books and eat lunch when near campus.
You can’t find your people or make friends if you are avoiding talking to anyone or doing anything related to school. It takes time to make real friends and build a life that feels happy and comfortable, and running to a new school won’t fix it. This isn’t the last time you will have to do it, either. The more you invest yourself into the process the more you will get back- which is true of almost everything you do in life, from school, to partners, to careers, to raising kids.
“you have an iPhone problem, not a college problem”- love that @Empireapple. It affects so many first years as they start to build a new life from scratch.
Should I transfer? Or Do I hate my college or am I just depressed?
I read many a story like the one below:
I am finishing sophomore year. I go to a really small school (~1700) and have recently become very very fed up with how tiny it is. I see the same few people all the time and I really just don’t like that. I hate the campus atmosphere and just can’t see myself doing another 1.5 years there (I am graduating early). However, I have very severe depression so i am not sure how much of my hatred of the college is because of me or just because of my depression. I have applied to transfer to a larger school (same price etc.) and have until the 7th to decide. However I have really great grades and a small but close group of friends up here who I’d hate to lose. Plus I don’t know if I’d be any happier at the new school given my depression and the extra anxiety associated with transferring.
or
-I regret my decision. As I mentioned before I do have diagnosed depression and anxiety (which I have tried to get campus help on, but the counselors are always busy). What if my hate for the school is stemming from that? Now I would’ve transferred for no reason. Also, what if I don’t like this new school?
People want to transfer because:
• They have no friends
• They think professors don’t like them
• They aren’t doing as well as they like
• There is “nothing to do”
They know they are unhappy and don’t feel like they have friends.
But is it really the school? Or would they have the same problem anywhere because they are depressed/have anxiety?
Most likely you have gone to HS with many of the same people, lived in the same house for quite some time, had the same friends and now you are changing everything and going away to college. If you had some depression/anxiety you were able to deal with it from the support of your family/friends.
But now you are away from all of them…and you have to make new friends, That is harder when you are depressed/anxious. It takes more effort.
So if you are trying to decide if you should transfer, first address any possible depression/anxiety.
Go to your College’s Counseling Center. They may have individual, group, or workshop counselling.
They may refer you to a Psychiatrist for diagnosis and medication if that is needed.
Maybe you need to try some different strategies to make friends. Here are ideas:
http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/college-life/1808143-having-trouble-adjusting-to-college-making-friends-top-10-things-to-do.html
Maybe you need to try different tactics for academic success:
http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/college-life/1920853-college-is-a-step-up-from-hs-16-tips-on-doing-well-in-college.html
Maybe you do need to transfer.
• Maybe you chose the college based on prestige and not fit for you.
• Maybe you thought going away to college was “cool” but really you would rather be closer to home.
• Maybe you thought this college could support your major but really it won’t.
• Maybe you thought a small school would have advantages but you prefer the options of a large school.
• Maybe this college is really too expensive.
• Maybe this college is really too/not academic enough for you.
But also consider:
Will my financial aid change? Merit scholarship are often only offered to freshman.
You will need to re-create your social group.
You may need to take additional courses.
But it may be that it is worth it because your new college will be a better fit.
This and a few other “first posts” by new members all have a similar format and wording.
Is CC seeding these posts to increase traffic?