<p>I am currently about mid-way through my first semester here at CSU and it honestly is pretty frustrating socially. I came here with high hopes and anticipation, thinking that I’d be bro-in with my hallmates, get a girlfriend, go to parties on the weekends, and hanging out and having a good time. But no, for whatever reason it can’t be that way. Now I am sitting alone every time I go and get a meal, I always am passing groups of both guys and girls and see many couples. My roommate hardly says a word to me, and isn’t all that social, but actually goes out and never includes me. It’s pretty depressing, so I thought I’d share my story too.</p>
<p>I thought I had a lot of friends by the last 2 years of my high school experience, but I might have exploited unnecessary things to be social. I started smoking weed, and that for a period of time would draw me closer to people. All the sudden I was becoming friends with more people at my highschool than ever before. It felt great, but by the end of senior year, I started to feel a little exploited for my ability to get bud (I had my medical marijuana card, so I had easier access to it), and my car. The car was a pretty big social factor I realized. There was a time at my school when my parents would not allow me to use the car and nobody in our group had cars. So our group would typically walk down the street everyday and smoke. I felt outcasted by them when they were all one large group.</p>
<p>Anyway aside from that, I like highschool by the end but started to anticipate college. I was excited for a new refreshment of people, and my college is GIANT - 30,000 students. I went to a big school on purpose just for my desire to individualize further and meet more people with my attitudes, beliefs, and enjoyments as me, and I didn’t see how this wouldn’t happen. But it did :(</p>
<p>First week was ok, but it was kind of sad because by the second day I realized I wasn’t gonna be buds with any of these guys, except for maybe the fella across the hall, let’s just call him B. B really was the only guy I ever actually got together with and got his number. We chilled maybe 2 or 3 times in total. We went to dinner one time. He also hit me up only once, to see if I’d be down to drive and pick up a somewhat cute girl he had met to go and chill. After a while, something I guess must not have clicked because even though he lives RIGHT ACROSS FROM ME he never makes an effort to hit me up, but I always see him walk out and go meet up with his buddies that live in our dorm building, all of whom I’ve met but never have made an effort to hit me up again. I really just don’t know what the deal with me is at this point!! It just makes me sad - I try to be friendly to people, but it seems like people are antisocial when I try and talk, and then I just see all these newly made friend groups walking around and laughing everywhere.</p>
<p>So obviously at this point I’m thinking something must be neurologically fundamentally different in my communication skills possibly. When I was young it took me longer to speak and I was diagnosed with Auditory Processing Disorder. This frustrating condition can result in different things, but for me it sometimes makes it hard for me to word-decode. I’ll here a word and a series of words but for some reason it takes my brain longer to process the meaning. This is just downhill from there because it’s hard for me to look at people when I’m listening, which is caused by how I’m trying to process both body language and word meaning at the same time.</p>
<p>I know I’m smart but I must be viewed as dumb or slower because I have a hard time knowing common things, like celebrities and movie actors. Actors I’m terrible with. It’s pretty often that people will mention some random name and others will speak on a similar idea of the unknown name I just heard, and at that point I’m just like great another common figure that I have no familiarity with.</p>
<p>In terms of relationships, I’ve never had one. Heck, I’ve never even so much as kissed a girl. I hear of people all the time just hooking up, cheating on each other, the rumors that go along with them. For me, this is all unknown territory and is a whole nother language to me. First off, I’ve always been kinda repulsed by p*ssy, kinda because it’s where she pees and also her anus is like an inch and a half way. Sex is I don’t know just the concept of it seems kind of nasty. There was one girl I got into a semi-relationship through texting. She was still in highschool and thought to move on, but she was really the only girl that really liked me enough to message me all the time.</p>
<p>If you have read through all of what I have just said, Thank you. You took the time to look through this. I need help! I don’t really know what to do. I don’t know where I can meet friends anymore. I don’t consider ANY of the kids on my floor my friends, and it’s crappy. I’ve cut back a lot on weed, been working out more, but it’s still just so hard. Any advice would be fantastic!!!</p>