I’m a freshman in college and I’ve been here almost 2 weeks. I got here early for a pre-orientation program (which turned out to be AWFUL-- I spent the whole week cleaning dorms and I was always too exhausted to do anything after work so I just slept. 
). I didn’t get a chance to make friends during this period, but now it’s actual orientation and people are already in groups. I feel really sad. I introduce myself to people all the time, but then I never see them again so it’s pointless. And on the rare occasion that I get someone’s number, we might make plans to hang out but they always ditch me later once we get where we’re going. The only people who I really like are my roommates, but they have other friends so we don’t get to hang out a lot. I’m FREAKING out… I avoid going to meals because I don’t want to eat alone, and when I do go I always end up plopping next to random people who have no interest in being my friends. Freshman orientation ends in 3 days… HELP. I’M DYING HERE. :((
You have all year to make friends. And then three or more years after that! Have classes even started yet? (Plenty of potential friends there.) What about clubs? (Ditto.) As you get involved with more things, you’ll be exposed to more people. Chances are you’ll click with some of them.
Many, many, MANY CC threads on this issue. You are freaking out too early, IMHO. Get started with classes and you will make friends.
Why there is such a focus on ‘making friends’ right away in college when in real life you don’t make friends over a course of a few days or weeks?
And you don’t want to eat alone, so you don’t eat? I hope you parents don’t read CC…
Chillax, as my son might say. Exchanging numbers before classes even start seems silly at best.
{{{{HUGS}}}} sweetie. Hang in there. Sounds like you’re doing everything right. It takes time to make good friends. Look into joining organizations or intramural sports that you have an interest in. Chances are, you’ll find friends who will last a lifetime. And remember, two weeks isn’t a very long time.
Because this is often the first time a student has ever felt so totally and completely alone…?
@bodangles No, classes don’t start for a few more days, but it still feels pretty lonely. It’s no fun showing up at an event all by yourself and awkwardly trying to gain acceptance by a group so you won’t be alone. I’m banking on making friends through classes and activities, but in the meantime, I’m at a loss.
@rhandco I know it’s early, but that’s why I’m confused because everyone has friends and I don’t. I’m like, “is there something wrong with me?” My potential “friend” group looks like this:
a) Roommates: Awesome people who I already love to death. Hopefully they’ll end up being my best friends, but for now, they’re always busy with their other friends so…yeah. But they’re nice.
b) Girl who I met during admitted students weekend. I’m trying really hard to be friends with her, but she also has other people and no time for me. Besides, we don’t have much in common anyway so we’re kind of awkward with each other
c) Random people who I’ve met while just walking around. We’re on a “hi” basis, but nothing more.
d) My dorm mates who I occasionally run into in the hallways and bathrooms.
…it’s very depressing
@evermom1 Aww, thank you! I’m really hoping that I’ll find my best friends for life here. Only time will tell! 
I found my best friend for life end of sophomore year. I thought I found a best friend middle of freshman year, but found out after college they were rude and insensitive. Joined a sorority end of freshman year, met a lot of friends there.
Getting along with roommates at all is great. My son’s closest neighbor doesn’t speak English very well, and has been on campus for a few weeks since they have a strong international freshman orientation program, so my son feels very left out.
It reminds me of the smart kids going to their Ivy League schools, and realizing that they are no longer the “smart kids”. Many kids are accepted to colleges because they are pretty cool - they have a lot of activities and interests, and they have spent years working on them for the most part (my son has played his sport since he was 3 LOL!). Then you get to college and you are new - not just new like going to HS from one of the middle schools in town, but NEW.
The more you can do to distract yourself, and keep trying to make friends, the better. Acquaintances will do until you make closer friends.
PS - I’m not sure about your sibling situation at home, but I kind of feel my son might be missing his annoying younger siblings too! He used to play computer games with them and kid around with them a lot.
Good luck, I’m sure it will get better
Aren’t you at Harvard? In Boston? Complaining already? Lower your expectations.
There are millions of people who eat meals alone every single day across the country – people who live alone in their home and wake up for a breakfast alone, and leave the office for a lunch alone in the car from a fast food restaurant, then go home to eat dinner alone. Across college campuses, there are also countless freshmen and other students eating alone, either because they haven’t met people yet to dine with or the people they know have different schedules/locations on campus, or they live in an apartment and eat there. Eating alone is not a crisis, nor is it a negative reflection on you as a person. Take a book/newspaper to read or your laptop/smartphone to browse the Internet, so you have something to focus on and do while eating.
Friendships will evolve over time as you get involved and find like-minded people. Just because some people show up already knowing others or discovering kindred spirits more quickly doesn’t mean you are doomed to solitary existence for the next four years. You are probably either an extreme extrovert who can’t stand not to be constantly surrounded by people you are interacting with, or you are insecure because you are in a new place with new rules of interacting (college can be very different than high school). Realize that many many freshmen there and elsewhere are also feeling insecure, and also realize that not everyone is an extrovert and thrives on constant companionship. Relax.
Spend some time giving thanks for all your good fortune, and all the opportunities ahead, rather than worrying and stressing and feeling miserable. See the beauty everywhere. Focus on what is good, not what you perceive as bad. And don’t worry so much about what other people think of you – chances are, they are worried about what you think of them.
So, when you say “Hi” to someone, put yourself in their shoes for a moment.
How do they see you at that moment?
I suggest you relax and stop trying so hard. Friendships typically develop out of mutual interests and compatibility. It may take a while, but it will happen eventually. Friendships cannot be forced among roommates or pleasant acquaintances, so don’t push too hard.
@mommyrocks Yes, I am at Harvard, and I’m starting to question whether I’ll ever fit in with the student body here. Everyone is so extroverted, but not necessarily outgoing. Meaning, that people are very chatty with others in their groups, but not necessarily open to “outsiders”. It’s hard trying to break into conversations that are already going when everyone’s talking a mile a minute and you’re just trying to get a feel for what’s happening.
I’m not trying to complain, just trying to vent. I can’t talk to my friends back home about this, because they’ll be like “Oh, but it’s HARVARD”, you’ll be fine. My mother would probably just say “I told you not to go there”. And my roommates would just think I’m weird.
I know people eat alone all the time, but when you walk into a dining hall with 500 people and they’re all talking and laughing and you go plop down at a table by yourself, it’s a bit heartbreaking. I’m not an extreme extrovert-- rather, I’m an introvert who constantly needs to be around caring people to feel accepted. It sounds strange, I know, but when I’m the only one in the dorm room, I mostly just feel lonely, not “recharged.”
I’ll see how things change when classes start, but for now I’m feeling not too good.
@JustOneDad I can’t say. They probably see me as peculiar, and bit soft-spoken with a deer-caught-in-headlights look. That’s how I tend to feel these days.
@CGHTeach I completely agree with that. It’s just that I feel like a total loser right now. And I have a cold, so I have no voice which makes introductions hard. People here just don’t get me, y’know?
A Harvard student is featured throughout the book The Overachievers: The Secret Lives of Driven Kids by Alexandra Robbins. It’s a fabulous “reality” book that follows around real students. The Harvard student started off just like you, feeling like he would never fit in or find his people at Harvard, but by the end of the first year he was happy there with plenty of friends. You might want to read it for inspiration, so you can feel assured by another Harvard student that you’ll find your niche there.
Please give it time and know that you are not alone. The first semester of college can be rough many students feel stressed and lonely. Most folks will attest that those issues will fade with time. Hang in there!
Can you talk to your residence adviser about strategies? I can understand how eating alone in a huge hall can feel alienating.
Don’t be so hard on yourself! You will definitely meet people that you click with, it just make take some time. Don’t compare your experience with what you perceive everyone else’s to be. In the meantime, try to enjoy this time by yourself to get acclimated to the school and your surroundings. Sometimes being alone (especially for an introvert) can be the best thing!
I’m literally going through the same thing as you, but one of my older friends who goes to a different college than me told me something along these lines: It is a GREAT thing to go to another university besides where your high school friends are going to because it puts you in a more dificult situation,but it will make you stronger in the end. Just reach out to people who are in your classes and an even better bet, in clubs/jobs!