What’s wrong with eating alone. Give it time.
Go down to the boathouse and learn how to row. Do things like that where others already involved are set to help the newbies. Slow and steady does it.
My son is also a Freshman at Harvard, and he is slowly finding his way this week. I think it would be a good idea for you to talk to your Proctor before the end of the day today. Tomorrow is packed with mandatory activities and it might be helpful to have your Proctor’s help tonight. All the Freshman are short on sleep and personal time this week, and most kids seem exhausted and worried about picking classes and starting classes on Wednesday.
My biggest advice for you is to get some help and to talk to your Proctor or your PAF or your academic advisor. All of them have been there before and will have good ideas or you. You have to eat and sleep and take care of yourself and if you are not doing the basics you should share that with your Proctor and get a little help with this challenging time. Above all, I encourage you to find an adult, a PAF or a Proctor to talk to so they can help you fit in better.
My son is international and didn’t arrive at Harvard with friends. He has noticed how many of the kids have debated, or done sports and know each other already. He knows he has to be patient as freshman with friends are clearly going to stick to who they know at first. His plans are to keep going to dinner, to get the phone numbers of students he meets and text them to meet at the Berg, and to get involved in volunteering and low key sports teams.
Talk to your proctor or PAF before tomorrow, they need to know how you feel. You have another very long day tomorrow with convocation and all the social activities that follow. I know you can do this, and that your Proctor and PAF are there to help you. Good job reaching out on this forum, now go and reach out at your new home, Harvard. Good Luck. Let us know how you are in a month!
UPDATE:
So, I think I may have been exaggerating a bit. It’s not as if I haven’t met people at college yet-- I just haven’t formed any deep connections with them. With everyone I know outside of my roommates (and 2 other people), we’re just acquaintances in the very “loosest” sense of the word. In passing, we may say “hi” or even have a 2 minute conversation, but it’s nothing serious. I miss having the deep relationships that I had with my friends back home, but of course, those take time to develop. I’m not as sad now and I’m still going around introducing myself to people hoping to find a good friend or 2, but nothing yet. I sit with different groups everyday during meals to maximize my chances, though. Hopefully I’ll find my “people” once classes settle and extracurriculars start!
Last week doesn’t count, you were working! So this is your first week, and classes haven’t even started yet. Don’t let yourself be intimidated by all those extroverts around you who are making it look easy. You will see the same people more regularly once classes and clubs start. If you do meet someone you click with, find out where they live and get their phone # so you can text, and give them yours. Then check in a day or two later to see if they want to do something.
Don’t worry, you will make friends!
My S is at Columbia and I worry about the same things for him, angel. I can identify with all that you describe and I think it can be difficult as a young adult to go through this transition. It will take patience; hang in there. In the meantime, embrace the amazing opportunities that are ahead of you. I was surprised by my lack of tears or sadness when and since I left him behind in NYC and that was because my excitement for him would just overwhelm any attempt at sadness that might crop up (envisioning a battle in my cerebral command center for controls between “sad” and “happy/excited” a la the movie Inside Out, lol).
" pre-orientation program"----------------- Right there is the problem. This sounds like a terrible waste of time full of tryhards.
The home- college transition is rough, but it is ultimately natural and not the end of the world.
Once classes start and you settle into a regular routine, things get easier.
As people have said, it takes time, but I feel you. It’s pretty easy from the perch of full-blown adulthood to tell you to take it easy and that making friends takes time, because we have that experience - and also the greater self-confidence and assuredness that comes with being not-a-teenager anymore. But I do remember the uncertainty and identity confusion of early college, lol. (Anybody who tells you “these are the best years of your life” is clueless, FYI. I found graduate school and beyond to be way better, because I am far less concerned about what other people think of me and just am myself.)
That said…fake it until you make it. By which I mean - assume a mantle of false confidence/assuredness. There’s some psychological research showing that this actually helps you feel really more confident and assured. If you feel like you give off vibes of desperate insecurity, that will affect how others perceive you and whether they want to be with you. No one wants to hang out with the kid who desperately latches onto their group (or even them, alone, as an individual); people want to be friends with people who do their own thing and can contribute something independently to the group.
So go be that person. If orientation isn’t even over yet, that means you haven’t even gotten a chance to join any clubs or meet any classmates. Friendships also develop over time; you have to meet up with people repeatedly and interact with them over time before you can form a real friendship, and two weeks isn’t long enough to do that. However, when clubs start, don’t go into them with the desperate charge to MAKE FRIENDS!!! Go into them because you’re interested in what the club does and oh, hey, they also offer the potential to meet people. Ironically, the more independent and less desperate for human connection you seem, the more likely you are to make friends.
And oh yeah, remember that ALL the freshman are trying to find their places. It may seem as if some of your classmates have got it all together, but don’t compare your insides to other people’s outsides - a lot of them are feeling just as lost as you, and simply hide it better (or don’t, but you’re just missing it). So if you sit next to someone sitting alone, or a small group, and say something to try to integrate yourself - that’s okay! You have to get over the fear of rejection. The worse that could happen is that they don’t talk back to you, in which case you’re in the exact place you are now. But the best that could happen is you find a new friend. So don’t be afraid.