I have no idea what to do...

Parents Forum
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<p>I am a 34 year old mother of a High School Freshman and a Junior High 7th grade student.</p>

<p>A little background on me:
I was addicted to drugs and alcohol from the age of 10-15 years old. I went to rehab at 15 years old, but had fallen behind in school as a result. After getting clean, I was kicked out of my mother's home and was homeless and missed school trying to survive. I married an adult man to stop being homeless. We got divorced when I was 17 and I was homeless again and again missed a lot of school. After a third attempt to complete my Sophomore year, I was told by the school that I needed to withdraw and get my G.E.D. which I did.</p>

<p>I have ZERO understanding or experience with how to prepare for college. I don't know what the tests are or when my daughters should be taking them, is that something the school does or do I pursue that? Are there specific classes she should be taking to prepare for college? What does she need to do to work toward a scholarship? What does that mean exactly? </p>

<p>I have told my daughters that NOT going to college is NOT an option. If I have to go into tons of debt to make sure that they both go to college, I will. However, I am hopeful that I will be able to guide them in a rout that would enable them to earn a full scholarship.</p>

<p>I need like a step by step of how to do this. I appreciate any help you can give me on this. My husband joined the military and never went to college either. My mother graduated High School but never went to college, my biological father has been in prison for 19 years, and my step dad never finished the Junior College he attended. So I need a lot of assistance and education about the college education process.</p>

<p>You can contact me by email at <a href="mailto:angelaeichor@gmail.com">angelaeichor@gmail.com</a> or by Yahoo messenger.</p>

2

<p>The best thing you can do is to make sure that your children take their studies seriously. If your children show achievement and a desire to learn, they’ll be candidates for further education.</p>

<p>Second, get into the guidance office at your daughter’s high school and tell them exactly what you’ve told us here. They are there to help and you’d be surprised just how much help you can get right there.</p>

<p>Third, if finances are/will be an issue, take a good long look at OSU and OU - both good in state schools that will be much cheaper than going elsewhere. Look at the stats for those school on line (PrincetonReview.com has them for sure) and get an idea if your daughter will be academically qualified to be admitted and where she falls within the group. If she’s at the top of the group, she might be a serious candidate for significant scholarship aid.</p>

<p>Most importantly, you don’t need to manipulate the process or your daughters’ lives. You need your daughters to do well in school and take their studies seriously. They need to be involved in a few activities that interest them and help them to grow. That can be a sport, a club, or anything else. When appropriate and available, they should look into part-time employment to round out their education. Develop the whole person and opportunities will become available.</p>

<p>Good luck to you and your family throughout the next few years.</p>

3

<p>This might not really be what you’re looking for, but one of the most significant things you can do is continue to set a good example for your girls. You have excellent writing skills – much better than many of the posters here who claim to have been accepted into top tier schools. You need to continue to send the message to them that education and literacy are of utmost importance. Your attitude is one of the most valuable things you can give to them.</p>

<p>If you haven’t yet done so, explore the college board website. It has some good information on the college selection and application process.</p>

<p>My hat is off to you, and I wish you and your girls the very best.</p>

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<p>If you happen to be in a school that does not offer much college guidance, then check with the guidance offices at schools that do offer guidance as they often invite speakers and college planners to present free seminars on the college process that are open to the public. Check with the local college to see if they have any ties to programs offered for high school students. There has to be a checklist somewhere in the archives on this site, right? If not, go to the local bookstore and see if there is a book there that includes a timetable for you to refer to. If you can get a hold of examples of resumes of high school students, that will give you an idea of what kids can do throughout high school to enhance their admissions chances and potentially earn merit money. Reading CC can be the most valuable tool you have. The advice to develop the whole person and opportunities will become available is correct, but I would add that those opportunities will be more plentiful if your daughters take the classes they need to be eligible for admission to a wide variety of schools, prepare for the PSAT and SAT tests, and take a rigorous course load while in high school. An online search of “Admitted Freshman Profiles” at any college website will educate you on who is getting in and what type of “stats” they have. Some colleges simply list GPA and SAT scores, others include number of AP’s and other information. Good luck with your college planning.</p>

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<p>There are lots of first gen kids on CC.
My own girls are first gen college- but I strongly agree that best guidance comes from example.
I myself began to go to college when my oldest was about 4. I had already taken my GED exam, and started at the community college, one class at a time.</p>

<p>We show we value an experience when we spend time pursuing it.
Kids really pay attention to what we do, a lot more than what we say.
:)</p>

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<p>Oklahoma Mom- check you private messages (PM). I am sending you something.</p>

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<p>OklahomaMom-check your email, too!</p>

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<p>Many high schools have special programs for kids like yours. First generation students who want to go to college. At our high school they are in the program for all 4 yrs. They have a designated counselor and a class each year in study skills. As they progress in the program they make sure the kids take the tests and classes they need. They also help the parent with financial aid information. At some schools they even take them on college tours.
Good luck to you and your children</p>

9

<p>What a great mom you are. My folks did not go to college, and growing up my 3 sisters and I knew that not going WAS NOT AN OPTION. And now that you have posted here, you are in the know. With a HS freshman, you have lots of time to read and post on CC. I think the collegeboard.com website is also a great resource for getting an idea about timelines for knowing when to do what. You can sign up for a parent account. Click on collegeboard.com then click on For Parents. You have PLENTY of time to prepare.</p>

<p>Most of us will leave you a private message or answer publicly here on boards. For every one person who asks, there are 10 more who are wondering the same thing but who don’t post. So don’t be upset if you don’t get emails. Someone here will always know the answer…(or be like me and think they do :).</p>

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<p>Some basic logistical things that can be done now.</p>

<p>Go to a couple of College fairs, there is no need at this point for your daughter to go, but YOU can go and get information, pick up brochures, do some reading, ask some questions. Yes, some will say college fairs are for kids, but no one will begrudge a mom for going upto some reps and asking questions. </p>

<p>Second, go to the collegeboard web site, princeton review, etc, and do some research. They will give you timelines, when you need to register for tests, costs, how to get fee waivers, and all kinds of helpful parental advice.</p>

<p>Most schools do the PLAN and or PSAT (plan is a pretest for the ACT, and psat is a pretest for the ACT).</p>

<p>Some schools do a test as a freshman, don’t stress on this one at all, its to see what areas the student should work on. Later, as a junior, students take the PSAT, this is one that is worth prepping for. Lots of schools use this for merit aid. My daughter missed full tuition scholarship by three points. Sigh.</p>

<p>Main thing at this point to to help your kids focus on what they like to do,help them find a passion. Tell them they should try lots of different school activities and outside school activities as freshman and see what they really like. </p>

<p>Set up a good study area.</p>

<p>Remember that freshman year, they should work hard, but not to worry if they fail or have some missteps.</p>

<p>Also, tell them to get to know their counselors and teachers. Don’t wait for the HS counsleor to call you in. Your freshman can ask to meet one on one with GC right away. GC love that. </p>

<p>If your schools counseling office is overwhelmed, than look outside, ask your student if they have a teacher they can ask questions of. THis is the time to establish relationships and not sit back. You don’t have to stalk teachers, but a "hey ms smith, what school did you go to and did you like it? And tell them not to be afraid to ask for help as soon as they need it.</p>

<p>If you have any colleges around you at all, check out their calendar and see if they have any plays, lectures, sporting events, anything where you can introdcue your kids to a college environment with no pressure or agenda.</p>

<p>DO volunteer work, find someplace starting now where you can go as a family, even a couple of hours on a sunday or weeknight. Its takes kids out of themselves and into the world. </p>

<p>One thing that helps with college admissions and hs is reading, anything and everthing. Magazines, newspapers, blogs, the classics, </p>

<p>Watch the facebook time-as freshman and a whole new group of friends, it can get distracting. Set up some parameters now. For me it was ten mintues of facebook before homework (sometimes they have questions about homework, group projects,etc) and then 20 after homework. That was sunday through thursdays. I didn’t restrict in on weekends, unless it was getting to be too much.</p>

<p>If your school doesnt give your kid a planner, pick one up.</p>

<p>Best you can do know is learn what you can, stay on top of the calendar, introdcue your kids to colleges in a fun no pressure way, and remind them to work hard, have fun, and not to mess up too much!!</p>

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<p>Have you heard about the “Oklahoma Promise” program? It sounds like the schools will be getting the newest information in August, but you can check out the website now. Basically - if your income is under $50,000 when your kids enroll as 8th-10th graders, and they keep meeting the eligibility requirements, the state will pay their tuition.
Play around on the OU and OSU websites, too. Your daughters may want to go farther from home, but thankfully you have two solid choices there in state that will probably be affordable.</p>

<p>[OSRHE</a> : Oklahoma’s Promise - Oklahoma Higher Learning Access Program](<a href=“http://www.okhighered.org/okpromise/]OSRHE”>Oklahoma's Promise)</p>

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<p>Also, keep them busy, but in fun ways. We did free museum days, concerts in the park, hikes. Sometimes kids in hs pull away, they are exploring new friends, a new life, growing up. And its easy to just let them be, and not continue doing the family stuff. That is something that is really important.</p>

<p>Some of the best talks we had about college, boys, teachers, life plans was walking in the park with a hot chocolate, or doing a beach cleanup, or hanging around an art gallery, or watching a sports event at the local state univeristy. When it came closer to starting to do college applications, those talks about college often came when we were doing soemthing totally unrelated. Not that you go, lets talk about college. It just came about naturally as we were doing soimething else.</p>

<p>You are on the right track, asking the questions now. There is lots of time, but your smart to set up a good strong foundation with goals. </p>

<p>The other thing to to check your daughter HS website often. Sometimes there are meetings and the reminder doesn’t make it home. Depending on the school- some are more proactive than others, its its private, or public, colege prep. magnet, dealing with budget cuts or gang issues, or whatever- you may get notices of meetings, or you may have to check the websites more often. </p>

<p>Something I did that was pretty helpful was to volunteer at my daughter’s highschool- doing fundraisers, or whatever, to meet other parents. Other parents in your area, who have older kids, have the best advice. I worked in our schools bookstore. I know it can be hard to do as a single parent, but if you can in anyway give an hour or two here and there, you will be amazed as to how much information and advice you can get.</p>

<p>Go to the highschool productions with your freshman, even if they aren’t part of it, they may want to be!! </p>

<p>Something to do is just go to a bookstore and grab a “get into college book”- don’t get to wound up in what they have to say, but often there are good time lines. </p>

<p>And it is never to late to apply for scholarships and enter competitions!!! Fastweb has a great list. And doing those applicatons, they aren’t hard, is good practice for later. Don’t do anything where you pay to enter or are encouraged/pressured to buy something afterwards. But there are some amazing contests out there that are totally leget.</p>

<p>My daughter won some art scholarships- only a couple of hundred dollars, but hey she ws in ninth grade and it paid for books.</p>

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<p>In addition to the other excellent advice here I want to second the advice ‘ilovetoquilt22’ gave to see what you can do to visit local college campuses to get some exposure to your kids. The larger state schools will have lots of free campus tours that you can join easily. Walk around campus. Check out the bookstore and buy a college t-shirt (every time they wear it they’ll get the subtle reminder of the college). Eat at one of the on-campus fast food places (if they have one) to just generally see the students/profs wandering around, meeting, kicking back, having discussions, etc. Especially at the larger campuses there are also usually various programs targeted at various ages - tennis camp, creative writing programs, computer camps, other athletic camps, etc. Some of these are 'day schools. where the kids commute to attend and some they actually stay on-campus in the dorms. Your kids need to see that college is different than K-12. </p>

<p>For other prep - depending on what your kids can handle well, generally a more rigorous schedule in HS will serve them well. This means taking honors and AP (advanced placement) classes in various subjects. For middle school you can seek out whatever accelerated courses they offer. Again, the curriculum needs to be tailored to your kids’ capabilities but some reasonable challenge can be a good thing. In addition, they should consider getting involved in various extracurricular activities (ECs) including school sports, arts, community service, etc.</p>

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<p>I hope she comes back & prints out this thread.</p>

<p>WHile I didn’t find this site until after my oldest was already in college,I want to say that the information & people on CC is a great resource and will make great strides towards getting families without much educational background, the resources they need to help their kids succeed in life, even if they choose to defer college.</p>

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<p>The fact you are setting the expectation that your girls WILL go to college is the most important move. I’m first generation college in my family and even though my parents were clueless in the college search process I appreciated their support! You will find great info here (don’t let the overachievers scare you!) and seek out other parents in your daughters’ school. Congratulations!</p>

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<p>Hi Oklahoma Mom and welcome to CC. The other posters have given some great advice. I would like to add make sure you attend any sort of college information nights held at your child’s high school. Our school had separate nights to explain the admissions process and a financial aid night. There is a lot of good information here. Also go in and meet your child’s guidance counselor and explain that you need help. Don’t be afraid to ask questions. The process has changed so much in the last several years that everyone has questions. Remember that there is a whole CC community here who will also help.</p>

<p>You are a person of strong character and want the best for your kids. I believe in you.</p>

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<p>I agree with pretty much what everyone else is saying. It’s great that you’re trying to get them ready right now. It will be quite a learning process because you will be learning a lot about the college process, just as they are.</p>

<p>I would say the biggest thing is to just try and utilize every resource available to you, especially whatever local colleges are in your area. Especially as your daughters get a few years older it’s important to check with college counselors (while they’re still in high school) to be sure that they’re on the right track because that’s what they specialize in. I found my college counselors to be much more informed than my HS counselors.</p>

<p>It may get frustrating at times because it may feel like they have an academic issue that you’re unable to help them with, but the fact that you’re education of the utmost importance will pay huge dividends for your family.</p>

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<p>Dragonmom that OK info is HUGE.</p>

<p>OP: the trick is to become informed without paralyzing yourself with masses of conflicting information. Fortunately, you have some time to sort it all out. </p>

<p>Please come here to ask for help; you have some of our emails if you want more personal or private advice.</p>

<p>I feel good about this!</p>

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<p>OKmom:</p>

<p>Welcome to CC! I agree with the other posters that the most important thing you can do for your children is to remind them that they must aim for college. Work together with your children’s teachers and guidance counselor (GC). Go to parents’ nights, try to talk to the teachers, ask for their advice on such things as course selection, homework policy, general expectations. Colleges expect students to take the most rigorous curriculum the students can handle; this varies from student to student, of course. Generally, capable students should begin with honors classes in the different subjects rather than college preparatory classes. The logical continuation of honors classes are Advanced Placement (AP) classes. Your child should take courses that are challenging without being too difficult.
At this point, the GC will be primarily focused on getting your child into appropriate classes, but you can ask about when is a good time to take PSAT, SAT (and/or) ACT and other information designed to smooth your child’s path through high school and toward college.
As others mentioned, your child should have fun in high school and should get involved in extra-curricular activities (ECs). If your child has to work, that counts as an EC. ECs can be school-based (the robotics team, for instance, or the chess club) but do not have to be (volunteering in a community center or hospital, for instance). Sports and music also count as ECs.
Don’t hesitate to come back with more specific questions!</p>

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<p>Heelllooo Oklahoma Mom.</p>

<p>First off, let me say that you are a very powerful woman. You are one of the few who have completely taken control of their old addictions. Needless to say, you are setting a good example for your kids right now.</p>

<p>I know many people have probably already given you the advice that I would give to you right now, so I will let them do the work =P But, I will say this. Your story would make an incredible essay for your kids to write about on their college application.</p>

<p>God Bless!!</p>