Okay so I met this girl who was really nice in the beginning of the year she lives like 2 doors down from my room. We quickly became friends and she seemed really cool. We have been friends for like 6 months now but I am starting to realize she isnât a very nice person. She is really rude to me and literally snaps at me all the time whenever she doesnât get her way. She also always snaps at me when she gets stressed out. She always talks about herself and never really listens to anything I say and she talks down to me. I also get mad because she tries to always copy my answers for homework and she gets irritated with me when I donât give her answers and she judges me for going home to spend time with my family. Its embarrassing cuz she will be rude to me in class and people will like stare and I try to be nice but it makes me mad. Its really making me upset because I have NEVER had a friend who treats me the way she does. And she knows she is being rude to me, because she always apologizes later (not sincerely). My problem with trying to end the friendship with her is that she is also depressed (she told me) and she tells me all the time how her old friends stopped talking to her (idk why she said they were all stupid) she became even more depressedâŠand so she tells me I am the best friend she has ever had. Like i dont want her to be upsetâŠbut she doesnât have many friends at all. What do I do?? I am getting beyond irritated with her and have been getting more cranky because she ALWAYS wants to hangout with me or barges in my room without asking. I have a hard time trying to get away from her. Please help me. PS. I am awful and confronting people. I have been trying to spend more time with other people but she still tags along. please help.
How do you define âfriendâ??? Because this girl certainly does not match my definition.
Itâs the end of February. You have, what, 2 month of school left? If you really donât want the confrontation, wean yourself away as much as you can, and make plans to be far away from her next semester.
Sheâs clearly manipulating you with talk about her old friends bailing on her and you being her best friend. I donât know if itâs a conscious effort or not, though. I definitely think itâs best for you to cut-off the friendship. Itâs ok if youâre not great at confronting people- this will be something that youâll have to do over the course of your life so you might as well break the ice when the stakes arenât so high. Try to politely tell her you canât be friends anymore. However, with her manipulation it might be best to do it over email/text so she canât pressure you into staying friends (because Iâm certain she would try.) Good luck.
She clearly has issues with you or other people. I wouldnât classify her as a friend. I myself use to have a so called âfriendâ like you do. And it was terrible they act like itâs perfectly fine to talk nasty and terrible towards you.
She is probably right that all her friends left herâŠbecause they didnât want to put up with her.
Here are things you can do:
End the friendship. Go do your homework somewhere else like in the library. Donât sit next to her in classâŠfind a seat between two other people. Tell her that you donât like the way you are being treated so you donât want to be her friend anymore.
Redefine the friendship: You need to set boundaries of what you will and will not put up with.
If she snaps at you, then get up, say "When you are feeling better we can talk again. " and walk away.
If she is rude to you in class, get up and move. If it is in the middle of lecture and the prof says something, then say âExcuse me professor. The person next to me is distracting and I had to move to hear you better.â
Lock your door and if she tries to enter, tell her that you are studying and now is not a good time. If she keeps banging on your door, then call the RA and tell them. If she says something and apologizes for it later, then you say "Yes, that was rude. I was thinking about what you said when you said your other friends stopped talking to youâŠdid you talk to them the way you talk to me? Because I want to let you know that I am not putting up with this anymore. Sometimes I may hang out with other people. Sometimes I may go home. Sometimes I need to do homework. If you stop yelling at me, sometimes I will hang out with you. But if you keep barging in without knocking, yelling at me in class and snapping at me I wonât.
Have her get help: Talk to an RA about this. Tell her what you told us and say that she seems depressed and you think she needs help but you are not the one to do it. Tell her that her behavior is bringing you down, but you are concerned for her if you back off the friendship. Suggest to her that maybe talking to the counseling center might be good.
She gives you a hard time about going home because that means you wonât be there for her. You wonât be there for her to pick onâŠwhich she does to make herself feel better. Probably she also does it because she wants a friend, but thinks you will leave like the others, so doesnât treat you right, so she can say âSee, you are no good either.â
You donât have to confront her. You just have to set your boundaries.
I know someone, S, that had a friend that would not stop complaining about her boyfriend. That is all she would talk about. The friend kept making dumb choices and not listening to S. S was very frustrated and was about to drop the friend. I told S to set her boundariesâŠto tell friend that âYou donât take my advice, which is fine, but I donât want to hear about you and boys anymore.â There was a couple of days pause and then the friend resumed communication and then stopped talking about boys.
