I have trouble making friends with URMs.

Student Lounge College Life
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<p>As most of you probably know, many racial groups end up sticking together no matter how "diverse" the student body is. At my U, I've tried making friends with minorities but I feel like I can't connect with them. One reason, in my opinion, I get closer to my friends is because I have similar experiences as them and I feel like we go through the same challenges. This is not the case with my minority "friends." Our relationship is a casual one and I'll tell you why.</p>

<p>The reason for this, as it seems to me, is because they have different advantages than me academically (and we might have different advantages as well). For one thing, I'm premed, and whenever I look for scholarships or opportunities online, so many of them ask specifically for URMs. My URM friend takes full advantage of them (as he should). He's also in clubs like "Minorities for Pre-Health Professions." Because of this, I don't feel like he's going through the same struggles as me.</p>

<p>Of course, I realize that most of this can be in my head. Also, I've been afraid to ask his opinion on these racial opportunities so that may also be a wedge in our relationship. I feel like I can talk about the difficulty of finding opportunities and being premed with people who are not URMs. As such, most of my friends are exclusively white, Asian, or Indian.</p>

<p>Has anyone else felt like it was difficult to make friends with minorities because of how important race is in America? Or is it difficult for minorities to make friends with whites, Asians, or Indians for the same reason?</p>

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<p>If you make race an issue in a friendship, then it will be an issue. I’m not trying to attack you or anything, but the differences that you feel exist between you and your minority friends seem pretty trivial. The reason people try to have friends from different ethnic backgrounds is because they have different experiences and stuggles. While you are thinking that they have certain advantages over you, I’m pretty sure that your minority friends feel that you have certain advantages over them. Within a friendship, you should be cognizant of these differences, but you shouldn’t allow them to prevent you from becoming close to someone.</p>

<p>I know, easier said than done.</p>

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<p>I can’t tell if you’re serious or not, so I’ll assume you are. There’s a political cartoon in which a white man sits next to a black man on a bench. He sits there, thinking about race and racism and getting more and more anxious and nervous as every panel goes on until in the last panel he shouts out “WHY DO YOU HATE WHITE PEOPLE???” or some variation of the sort. The gag is, of course, the black guy hadn’t been thinking any such thing. It was all in the first man’s head.</p>

<p>Generally speaking, it’s all in your head. It’s called White Guilt and it’s a tricky thing to tackle. Racial differences rarely make it harder to make friendships, so examine the problem: </p>

<p>Could you accidentally be offending them? Certain comments or actions can be highly offensive to people of different races. I, for example, don’t appreciate having my family reffered to as: Gardeners or Illegals. Many blacks are offended when you touch or play with their hair, or refer to watermelons and fried chicken, which have racist pasts for those people (especially in America.) Many people find anti- Affirmative Action comments can veer straight into the racism territory: “He took my place because he’s ____!” Is generally going to offend most URMs.</p>

<p>Have you educated yourself? Learning about Anti-racism is actually filled with sarcastic humor, and all in good fun as long as you take the lessons you learn to heart. Pick up (or search online) Tim Wise’s Speaking Treason Fluently: Anti-Racist Reflections from an Angry White Male. It’s a fantastic book, and filled with short essays, which makes it an easy read. [YouTube</a> - TWiB! Ep#5 - about White Privilege](<a href=“http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1wQwq7Fvs2s]YouTube”>http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1wQwq7Fvs2s) Elon James White is also funny and short (but informative) videos. Go link hopping. Most of the links on this: [The</a> View From LiveJournal - 101 Primer](<a href=“http://mystickeeper.livejournal.com/303397.html]The”>http://mystickeeper.livejournal.com/303397.html) page have links to more places. Read up. </p>

<p>It’s fun, it looks intimidating, but it may help you understand any problems you might be running into. Frankly though, race shouldn’t be the first thing brought up in friendship. As long as you don’t do something offensive, you should be fine. :)</p>

<p>As for this: “My URM friend takes full advantage of them (as he should). He’s also in clubs like “Minorities for Pre-Health Professions.” Because of this, I don’t feel like he’s going through the same struggles as me.”</p>

<p>You are right. He isn’t going through the same struggles, because you have White Priviledge to back you up! It may sound funny, but almost all but a TINY percentage .1? are regular non-racial scholarships. </p>

<p>Take a look:</p>

<p><a href=“http://www.leftycartoons.com/the-story-of-bob-and-race/[/url]”>http://www.leftycartoons.com/the-story-of-bob-and-race/&lt;/a&gt; [Get how you might be Bob? That’s why problems and struggles aren’t the same.]</p>

<p><a href=“http://www.leftycartoons.com/obama-and-the-end-of-racism/[/url]”>http://www.leftycartoons.com/obama-and-the-end-of-racism/&lt;/a&gt;
<a href=“http://www.leftycartoons.com/white-lies/[/url]”>http://www.leftycartoons.com/white-lies/&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;

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<p>The answer is clear. You have issues. Deeply rooted issues.
But do not fear, e-Dr. Phil is here. Let’s explore this…</p>

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<p>No… most people don’t find it difficult. Sorry. </p>

<p>And Yurtle those cartoons are stupid. Don’t give me that white privilege BS. They didn’t ALL have an easy time. Did most of them? Yes. Is it fair to categorize ALL white people in that category? Absolutely not! I am half white, half Hispanic but I can tell you that my family came off the boat with my mom’s generation and they came to America to save themselves from the Roma genocide that is still occurring in Europe. Trust me, not all white people have it easy. Go look up anti-Roma laws in America, you’d be surprised at how hard certain white groups had it. Ugh.</p>

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<p>I have plenty of close white friends- maybe you’re finding it difficult to connect to “URM’s” because you pay so much attention to the differences. If you can find something in common with others, build on that and it will work out. My school is predominantly white, so I see groups of Caucasian students clustered around on every corner of the campus-does that deter me from conversing with them? No. It’s all in your head. There are groups of minorities here who appear closed off to interaction with other students, but they’re often international students who are more comfortable speaking in their native language, so they accumulate based on their cultural and linguistic similarities. But if you make the effort to introduce yourself, they will open up to you. Good luck!</p>

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<p>Black people just don’t like you.</p>

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<p>

</p>

<p>Wait, so when you say URM you’re really just saying “black people”. 'K, got it.</p>

<p>And romanigypsyeyes- I don’t recall anyone ever saying all white people have it easy. It’s a generalization; there’s always an exception to every rule. I don’t even think anyone means whites have it easy, just easier than certain minority groups.</p>

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<p>collegebound- You’d be surprised at how many people make that statement. And the cartoon just irritated me because it implied that all white people are like that.</p>

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<p>Yurtle just might be a racist :D</p>

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<p>thats probably because you refer to them as URMs</p>

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<p>E-Dr.Phil has returned with the diagnosis.
I’ve also figured out where your issues stem from. You were the kid in elementary school who always peed in his pants and ate glue that nobody wanted to play with, or even touch.</p>

<p>One day, you made a friend with Ulysses Richard Martens. Ulysses was such a nice little boy and he was your only friend. You always played doctor and hide the rainbow stick together. What fun times!
But they were to end. </p>

<p>One day, you peed your pants and vomited glue all over Ulysses. He did not like that. No, he was very angry. He called you “Elmer p<em>ss.” and said he didn’t want to be your friend anymore.
Your feelings got hurt. They were even more hurt when the rest of the class began calling you Elmer P</em>ss too.
So while sitting alone in a tree, and munching on Kraft glue (F*<em>k Elmer!) you decided that all Ulysseseseseses are evil and you would never befriend another.
And all Ulyssesesesesess decided you still smell like Elmer P</em>ss and don’t want to be around you. This is why they do not want to be your friend.</p>

<p>I’m sorry.</p>

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<p>let me tell y’all what it’s like
bein’ male, middle class, and white</p>

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<p>
[QUOTE=eDrPhil]

E-Dr.Phil has returned with the diagnosis.
I’ve also figured out where your issues stem from. You were the kid in elementary school who always peed in his pants and ate glue that nobody wanted to play with, or even touch.</p>

<p>One day, you made a friend with Ulysses Richard Martens. Ulysses was such a nice little boy and he was your only friend. You always played doctor and hide the rainbow stick together. What fun times!
But they were to end.</p>

<p>One day, you peed your pants and vomited glue all over Ulysses. He did not like that. No, he was very angry. He called you “Elmer p<em>ss.” and said he didn’t want to be your friend anymore.
Your feelings got hurt. They were even more hurt when the rest of the class began calling you Elmer P</em>ss too.
So while sitting alone in a tree, and munching on Kraft glue (F*<em>k Elmer!) you decided that all Ulysseseseseses are evil and you would never befriend another.
And all Ulyssesesesesess decided you still smell like Elmer P</em>ss and don’t want to be around you. This is why they do not want to be your friend.</p>

<p>I’m sorry.

[/quote]
</p>

<p>You’re nuts lmao
OP smells like Elmer Pi.ss</p>

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<p>Wow this is so racist its not even funny. The ignorance is making blowing my mind. Blacks are the only URM? Wow, just…wow.</p>

<p>You should tell him what you are thinking so he can find a better friend.</p>

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<p>I forgot- So sorry. The reason I don’t involve myself in racial dicussions on this forum, is that when I imply getting minority scholarships is a different way to over come racial boundries a minority might have, that makes me racist. </p>

<p>Uh. I’m half white, half hispanic too. But Discrimination from the sociological point of view doesn’t equal Racism. As for being Roma, newsflash: They’re an ethnic Minority. </p>

<p>So your logic about implying all “whites” not being that way fell through. Of course different groups (especially immigrants in America) like the Irish or Italians faced a lot of hardship for being different. However, NOW most Irish/Italian/Jews what have you still have it easier than blacks/hispanics/native americans etc. Even way back then, in whatever time period, those people were treated far worse than European immigrants. </p>

<p>No, not all whites benefit from being white. Most do, and the fact of the matter is, it’s not really something you notice, or intentionally <em>do</em>, it’s just a simple fact of life. For example, having a less ‘ethnic’ sounding name means you have less of a chance of being hired: [Does</a> Your “Name” Keep You From Getting Hired? - Experience.com](<a href=“http://www.experience.com/alumnus/article?channel_id=diversity&source_page=editor_picks&article_id=article_1216753458542#]Does”>http://www.experience.com/alumnus/article?channel_id=diversity&source_page=editor_picks&article_id=article_1216753458542#)</p>

<p>Or being black means you might be hired less often, or be less likely to be hired: [Fewer</a> Blacks, More Whites Are Hired as City Teachers - September 25, 2008 - The New York Sun](<a href=“http://www.nysun.com/new-york/fewer-blacks-more-whites-are-hired-as-city/86580/]Fewer”>http://www.nysun.com/new-york/fewer-blacks-more-whites-are-hired-as-city/86580/)</p>

<p>Depending on the race of your manager, racial make up of the workplace changes: <a href=“https://www.wdhstore.com/hispanic/data/pdf/1016MANAGERS.pdf[/url]”>https://www.wdhstore.com/hispanic/data/pdf/1016MANAGERS.pdf&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;

<p>Average Incomes of minority familes improve over time very little in comparison to most white families: [Race</a> & income](<a href=“http://www.leftbusinessobserver.com/Race-and-money.html]Race”>Race & income) [C. 1995]</p>

<p>More Whites than any other race in America cause more crime than any other race: [Table</a> 43 - Crime in the United States 2005](<a href=“http://www.fbi.gov/ucr/05cius/data/table_43.html]Table”>http://www.fbi.gov/ucr/05cius/data/table_43.html) And yet Americans can often stigmatize a particular race with being criminalistic. Worse, more blacks and hispanics are in jail than in dorms: [More</a> blacks, Latinos in jail than college dorms - Race & ethnicity- msnbc.com<a href=“Ignoring%20the%20commentary%20here”>/url</a>: [url=<a href=“http://vivirlatino.com/2008/05/09/disturbing-statistic-san-francsico-has-more-blacks-in-jail-than-in-the-city.php]Disturbing”>http://vivirlatino.com/2008/05/09/disturbing-statistic-san-francsico-has-more-blacks-in-jail-than-in-the-city.php]Disturbing</a> Statistic : San Francsico Has More Blacks in Jail than in the City | VivirLatino](<a href=“http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/21001543/]More”>http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/21001543/) There is a higher percentage of blacks in jail than in San Francisco. </p>

<p>Does this make Whites worse people? Not necessarily, but it’s still a problem that needs to be fixed with the help of both sides. </p>

<p>:/</p>

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<p>Whites, Asians, and Indians?</p>

<p>Aren’t Asians and Indians minorities as well? I’m considered a minority…despite our crazy population</p>

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<p>^ No, he said URMs, which are underrepresented minorities…Indians/Asians are minorities, but not underrepresented. For example, asians are like 5% of the population, but make up a lot more than that at many colleges. On the other hand, Black Americans are over 10% our population, but often less than that at some colleges.</p>

<p>Colboy, i think you’re overanalyzing and obsessing over trivial things…I mean, the differences you described are pretty minor and shouldn’t get in the way of a friendship. you’re making it sound like things go like this:</p>

<p>You: hey, wanna study for the biochem midterm?
URM: nah, i know i’ll get into columbia med because I’m Blackfoot!
You: …<em>walks to library and joins asians</em></p>

<p>stop treating your minority classmates like they’re any different. sure, racial differences bring about advantages and disadvantages, but minor differences really shouldn’t stop you from being friends. I’m sure they feel you get advantages, too. Idk, I don’t think you’re being racist, just obsessing over the wrong things and being kind of irrational.</p>

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<p>oh sorry, i read incorrectly.</p>

<p>stop thinking about the race of your friends. everyone’s pretty much the same except for a few cultural differences. </p>

<p><a href=“http://www.leftycartoons.com/at-the-bus-stop/[/url]”>http://www.leftycartoons.com/at-the-bus-stop/&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;

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<p>I only have white friends. The URMs at my school all seem too ghetto.</p>