I highly appreciate your help proofreading my essay :x

<p>This is my second draft after I have edited it once. I really appreciate your help to give any comment on my essay. Thanx so much.
My way of life.
I am twenty. I like chatting with friends. I like shopping, trying some clothes, looking at myself in the mirror and being satisfied with my body even I am not a model. I feel totally relaxed when lazily staying in bed and listening to my favorite songs. I am twenty. I also have dreams as some mothers would say “ Your dream is finishing the undergraduate degree, having a stable job with a reasonable salary, and then finding a good man to have some children, taking care of your family. It is such a happy ending that every woman dreams about.” I am twenty. I am living in the most beautiful period of human’s life. I live fast trying to enjoy every minute of life. Day continues day with parties, celebrations, picnics, etc. I love many guys to have experience in love. I am young and I must enjoy nice moments of youth before I am too old to do anything. I must be the center of the world. </p>

<p>Some could read these things above and think “Wow, beautiful and gentle life with exciting moments”. However, I am Lien and I am also twenty. It is likely that when the painter structured his sketch of twenty – life, he forgot to include me in his picture. I am not as simple as that and it is not my expecting life, definitely. I choose a way of slowly living in order not to forget any people around me. The slowly living way gave me chance to clear the tears on my friend’s cheek in a winter afternoon when she got the news of her father’s death. The atmosphere was grey enough for me to hug her tight and whisper that things are not as disaster as she felt now, and that in the high blue sky, her father was looking at her, smiling happily and forever being near her heart. Walking slowly, I was ready to give my hand to an old grandfather and took him across the crowded street. And I would miss my grandfather a lot when recalling each weekend long time ago, a little girl was hold by her beloved grandfather walking in the sunset and enjoying the taste of our hometown Hanoi. Sixteen years has passed but slowly reflecting moments have brought memories back to me each day. Had it not been for slowly living, I would have forgotten my caring for others in some corner of this world. </p>

<p>I choose to live slowly because I want to spend more time not for myself but for my family. There are many appealing things out there and a twenty active girl could easily be attracted. But I would decide to come home soon after school on the Christmas day, prepare some delicious meals for the dinner, wash the fishing pool and feed my only “Lucky Fishy”. Mom, Dad and I would gather around the table, Dad would tell some funny stories, I would sing the “Last Christmas” song for my parents and this moment was the happiest one in my life. Sharing my feelings about friends, studying in class, difficulty in catching up with the whole workload in my syllabus, I am likely to receive useful advices from my two “big friends”. Living slowly and caring about parents, I could see time goes by with the more white hair of my parents, as the love they gave me is bigger and bigger. Right in that moment, I felt happy and lucky when being able of beside my beloveds one more day. </p>

<p>I choose to live slowly because I want to be a porter of my own dreams. Sometimes people are rush in their roads to plan for future as they want to succeed rapidly, and the result is that they feel unsatisfactory, even regret about their decisions. I am different from their perspective, however. Living slowly, I am capable of having enough time and attention to build a nearly perfect plan for my future. Not being in a hurry, I am sure of thinking it over and over, giving full consideration not to make any “ mission impossible”. Two years off school are the time for me to consider how important college education is. My major in college would be something relevant to business or economics, and I would take minor in art area because I want the balance for my life. In an environment as college campus, when people are living a busy life, I am sure to live slowly enough to experience the greatest of college living. </p>

<p>And now I know I am slow and careful enough to decide to spend my next four years abroad at your college. I am eager to live my life to the full in a special way of mine, and believe that studying abroad is really a valuable experience. It is my pleasure to shake hand with challenges and difficulties, since slowly living does not mean I am not a risk taker. You are still doubtful? I will show you I am a trustworthy girl, of course!</p>

<p>try to make the first para like the second``````</p>