Hi all. I am just looking for some advice on my current situation that I just can’t get excited for college. For some backstory, I did not get into my top school and it felt like it was meant to be at the time. I found a school that I was comfortable with and honestly I think I made the decision to go there just because I was done with the entire college process. It’s a great school, but I am going random for rooming, know no one, and it is pretty far from home. I just can’t find myself getting excited the way that my friends are and I just dread going and can’t get it off my mind. Does anyone know what I can do to help fix this or just have any tips?
First off, you are not alone. The feelings you are describing are very common.
My $.02 - does your school have any social media groups you can join? If so, join them. Get some swag. Watch videos to start getting excited. Go to orientation if it’s offered.
FWIW, my D also went out of state, didn’t know a soul, and went random with her roommates. It worked out beautifully, and in some cases better than those people who roomed with a friend.
Once you get to campus, get involved in one non academic club or activity. It’s a great way to meet people!
You don’t have to be excited like your friends are. Focus on having the best summer. People make the school and you don’t know any fellow students yet. When is your orientation?
Sit down with a copy of the course catalog one evening when you’ve got nothing planned. Pour a glass of lemonade and start browsing for all the cool things you can study! Download the colleges “Study abroad” options and start fantasizing about spending junior year in Tokyo studying Japanese art or London studying theater or Prague studying chamber music or Florence learning about Renaissance history. Walk through the “student activities” website, read a few back issues of the campus newspaper.
You don’t have to be chomping at the bit to get to college in order to be excited (just a tiny bit) about all the new possibilities for your life!
Also look at exchange programs in the US https://nse.org/
Go with it. I happen to think not being excited and having low expectations isn’t a bad way to be. There’s nowhere to go but up! Often those with great dreams and plans often find themselves disappointed because most things in life typically don’t play out the way we might imagine.
My advice is to relax (as best you can) and enjoy your summer. Pack up in August for the next chapter and see what happens. I am a huge believer in the random roommate! It may be a great fit, it might not, but it will be a growth experience either way.
My son was you last year. Really didn’t want to go - no excitement. Let’s just say he never came home, found great group(s) of friends (he learned at a young age to spread himself around), joined Greek (never in a million years thought he’d do that), did well academically, and is counting the weeks to go back.
It’s all good - you’re in a good spot!
The “Am I really here?” feeling wears off after first semester or quarter, even if you are attending your dream college. My kid, who got into Stanford and is attending there, started with “Am I really here? Pinch me.” to “I am so fortunate I am here.” And then after 1st quarter, his attitude has been: “I better make the most of my time here because I will be doing this just once in my life.”
Therefore, just focus on being open minded and making the most of your time at whatever college you are attending. It’s like going to a movie; if you don’t expect too much, the movie turns out to be pretty good. But if you expected too much,. the movie usually turns out to be so-so.
Everyone has different perspectives, but for me, several things I am happy about my kid’s going to Stanford.
- Relatively good weather, and he didn’t get sick so far.
- Because Stanford is a rich college, they give good stipends to many summer internships across the world.
- Because we are located in Southern CA, it’s not too bad for us to drive there to help him move out of his dorm or for him to visit home during holidays.
- Many non-academic ECs through which he learned a lot about putting together conferences and doing market research and making presentation to actual CEO and management for a company located in SF.
I believe you can pursue most of the above items at ANY college, as long as you keep motivated. My kid tells me after his first year that one reason it’s easier for him to stay motivated at Stanford is that almost everyone there is highly motivated, and therefore, it’s contagious. However, if you can stay motivated and try to make best of your experience at college, you will find great satisfaction at any college.
My advice is when you arrive and someone says hey we are going to go do XXX do you want to come? Definitely go with even if the activity isn’t your favorite. Just be open to trying and doing new things. Don’t be afraid to talk to people.
@websensation I know you wrote in your post that you can have a great time at any college, but geez louise – the OP didn’t get into her dream college; she doesn’t want to hear about how much your son loved rich, sunny Stanford!
OP, do you mind sharing what school you’re going to? I’m sure there’s lots of great things about it – we can make a list if you want! Even if not, you’ve already got some great advice. Look through your college’s website and their Twitter/Facebook/Instagram; you’ll probably find lots of cool clubs, free events, yummy food, awesome classes, pretty buildings, and award-winning professors that will make you feel at least a little better. It also helps to read all the bad reviews about the school that rejected you – they’re probably no good anyway!
A lot of my friends were in the same boat as you (and honestly, so was I for a while), so I know how hard it can be. Hang in there 
“My kid, who got into Stanford and is attending”
Agree with supersenior, we know you love to humble brag about you kid getting into Stanford, but it’s poor form to bring that up to a kid who did not get into their dream school. You’re not helping, that’s all I can say.
" Because Stanford is a rich college, they give good stipends to many summer internships across the world."
Your lack of empathy on this thread is astounding. Why don’t you tell Pete Best what a loser he is because he couldn’t beat out Ringo for being the drummer for the Beatles.
I think you will be fine – more than fine. Sometimes the build up to how great everything is can create disappointment, and let’s face it everything is new and that unnerves anyone no matter where they go. My best roommates were random. I think you will do great.
You are not alone in feeling this way @hopefulhoney . It’s a big transition and even if you were going to the school you hoped to earlier, you might still be feeling like this.
Random roommate is all my kids knew - worked out great for both of them. Far away? Scary but…can be very exciting to make a home in a part of the world/country you don’t know well.
I agree with others - look at the course catalog. Join the social media group, if you like that sort of thing. Imagine what you might do in the new area - hike in the country or Walk the new city? Have a coffee in the cute town? Whatever it is.
Agree with others about the helpfulness of the humblebrag…seriously?
Agree to focus on academics and maybe look through list of organizations. I actually think being low key about the college experience is good. Come back to CC in October and witness the threads from kids who are so worried because their roommate didn’t become their best friends, and they don’t have a friend group and college is not as “fun”as they expected. All of that takes time and lower expectations about the college experience means you are focusing on your education. Not a bad thing.
Don’t compare yourself to others and if spending a lot of time on social media looking your friends posts about how cool and awesome college is going to be is making you feel like you’re not responding in a normal way, then dump the social media for a while. You do you.