<p>first off, i'm an international student....and i'm really surprised with the amount of parents that are constantly checking and writing on CC....I followed a parent on CC that has posted questions about how his S can get into these schools, what kind of advantages he need, etc etc since his son was in HS freshman year...and he got into Duke....now when i'm rejected by colleges, my parents only say "Oh...I'm so sorry dear"...i just really wished she did something to help me beforehand....well i know that i only have myself to blame for not getting in to "Most Desired U" (i.e. Brown and Penn T_T)...but I was just wondering if parents were involved in the whole getting into college process, would it help at all? even a little bit? i guess i'll never know...I'm sorry if my rant was just totally obnoxious btw</p>
<p>I encouraged my daughter to apply to Duke, but she handled the application and essays. I have always encouraged my daughter to do well in school, but she handled her academics admirably. She was accepted to Duke but will not attend as she would rather accept a full-ride at a public state school. Even though I frequent CC, my daughter did what she did on her own. I do believe my encouragement was helpful, but it was my daughter that did it all. Don’t blame your mom and remember admissions can be a crap shoot.</p>
<p>Some parents, on or off this board help. Some parents, on or off this board, actually hinder their applicant. I know many successful now college student that had no help at all from their parents in the application process. A particularly memorable one graduated with my daughter a few years back. I’d hear his parents wringing their hands wondering if he would ever get on the ball and start applying to schools, as they had seen nothing, and he wouldn’t talk to them about it. Meanwhile, my daughter knew he had all his applications in, early. He applied to HYPS with Columbia as a safety. Ran the board. Is happy at Harvard. All with no help from his parents.</p>
<p>Happykid thinks that this is a rather amusing hobby of mine, and really cares very little about the whole college-application process. Her mind is completely focused on one hugely time-consuming E.C. (technical theater) that she intends to pursue as a professional. In her mind, college is just a chance to stage manage or design lights for umpteen shows while she makes professional contacts. If I hadn’t forced her to complete the application to our local community college (which does indeed have an excellent technical theater program) at breakfast one morning, she wouldn’t have applied until the day before classes start next September. I can’t begin to imagine what a nightmare it would have been if I’d tried to get her to do the exam and portfolio preparation in order to apply to a big-name B.F.A. program!</p>
<p>You did the best you could, with the resources that you had available. Be proud of what you have learned and accomplished in the process.</p>
<p>Wishing you much success in all your future endeavors.</p>
<p>Your rant was not obnoxious-- parental involvement can be a help all along the way, and I think a lot of us parents are on here because we wish our parents had paid more attention. I hope you got in somewhere you’re happy with. Remember that your idea of a college and the real thing are very different-- a year from now you’ll likely be deeply involved at whatever school you go to, learning and growing and happy. Either that or you’ll be transferring with the help of what you’ve learned here. Your own initiative will take you far-- good luck!</p>
<p>The most your parents can do is support you in the endeavors you love and encourage you to be a good student. If that isn’t enough to gain admission to whatever school you picked to be the school of your dreams, then either you slacked off or that school wasn’t for you. It is not your parents job to pick a school they think you should go to, and then force feed you the activities and things you “need to do to get in.” You should be following your passions and doing well in school for the sake of doing well, not gearing everything you do towards college admissions. Always looking for institutional recognition of your achievements will not bode well for your mental sanity later on…oh, if only we all knew this in HS ;). But our parents do often know this, and don’t feed into the hype. </p>
<p>Yes, looking back, I DO wished I had applied to this school, or that school, or known about this one…but hind sight is always 20-20. Yes, my parents were clueless…telling me to apply to WUStL because I would get a big scholarship there because they knew another kid who did (LOL), or telling me to apply to their alma meters because it fit THEM. But I was clueless, too, and I was doing research every day. Perhaps you wish somebody had told you you probably weren’t Brown material and you should apply to some other schools you would have liked 
Alas, all humans are imperfect - including you, apparently, who had the most skin in this college game, not your parents.</p>
<p>Good luck - I am sure you’ll do well wherever you end up :)</p>
<p>Remember: some parents are overactive in the NEGATIVE sense…forcing kids to do things they think will “look good” and not letting them do what they love…instilling in their kids an Ivy or bust mentality (though you may have suffered from this without their help)…picking schools they think their kid should go to that are completely opposite of where the kid wants to go…etc. I do not think your parents did anything wrong by not getting on CC and asking at every turn what you needed to do to “get in”. That is just overkill. And no-one would have ended up happier for it.</p>
<p>Your parents will give you gifts and support that you will want to repeat with your own children; your parents will also “miss the boat” or not do things that you wish they had - those will be the things that you do differently with your children.</p>
<p>Generation after generation there is the potential to build better, more meaningful lives. I know that much of what I have and experience today is due to my parents’ dreams for me (and their regrets in their own lives). My children are benefiting from my dreams (and regrets) too.</p>
<p>I wish you well.</p>
<p>Just want to add, as a parent, that its far better for a kid to be involved and doing the research than a parent. Don’t think you’ll be disadvantaged because you and not your parents are investing the time and doing the legwork. That is the way it should be and I think kids that care that much are the ones most likely to be successful in the college hunt. </p>
<p>I am involved largely because my DS didn’t care that much. I stepped in largely because there was a void in the college research department. He had to do the school work, applications and such, but he didn’t really know or care about colleges or admissions. I tried to pass the baton to him, but it just wasn’t real to him until about now (when he’s gotten his acceptances and rejections). </p>
<p>I think the kids on this board who don’t have parental involvement are doing fine. And I did fine on colleges without parent support. Really, I think that’s the ideal and nothing to feel bad about.</p>
<p>I have two S’s, totally different personalities and needs. </p>
<p>S1 didn’t care at all, and we had to push him to “apply” to community college. In the past 2 years there, he’s changed a lot, and did all the leg work to apply to 4-year schools for next year. We asked him where he was planning to apply, talked it over with him when he asked for opinions, etc. But he did it himself this time, even to the point of paying the application fees himself, because he wanted to.</p>
<p>S2 is very self-motivated. However, he chose a major that is a bit more complicated than some others and there was a lot to learn about the different programs and the implications of choosing one over another. We all did a lot of the research into this, to make sure we all understood what was what. S2 made the final decision as to what sort of program made the most sense for his goal (we happened to agree), and then we worked together to choose schools that made sense. Not having any idea what sort of FA might be coming, we encouraged him to apply to any school that he actually wanted to attend, but also told him how much we could/would contribute financially. In the end, the one with the best FA package became his first choice. </p>
<p>Although S2 put much more effort into the process than S1 did, S2 needed our assistance to figure it all out. Different kids, different needs. Both successful in their own ways.</p>
<p>thank you so much for the replies…i guess you are all spot on on this matter…if i’m unhappy at my school, i’m going to transfer with all the knowledge i received from CC…thank you once again for opening my eyes…i think now i can move on…i’ll have to prepare myself in order to transfer to “Most Desired U”</p>
<p>Brown and Penn here I come!</p>
<p>please read this:
[Jeff</a> Brenzel: What to Do When Colleges ACCEPT You](<a href=“HuffPost - Breaking News, U.S. and World News | HuffPost”>What to Do When Colleges ACCEPT You | HuffPost College)</p>
<p>don’t dwell on the schools that didn’t accept you—carefully evaluate the ones that did and then embrace fully the one you choose</p>
<p>to mwwtb: couldn’t agree more and couldn’t have put it more eloquently</p>
<p>Years ago Dear Abby was asked if a parent should force a kid to continue piano lessons. She asked her readers to comment. The replies fell into two camps:</p>
<p>1) My mother made me continue piano and I hated, hated, hated it. I think she really screwed up. </p>
<p>2) My mother let me quit piano and I wished she had insisted that I continue. I just had a whiney, rough spot and she really screwed up by letting me slide out of lessons. </p>
<p>So, parents can’t win. You are probably more independent because you’ve had to navigate things yourself. Isn’t that a gift? You may be a lot more mature and competent than many students who have the bumper stickers you covet. So, take your maturity and competency and go have a great life.</p>