I lied to my parents... and now I cannot lie anymore.

Parents Forum
1

<p>I lied to my parents and siblings that I was going to college this fall semester. I have been dismissed from my college for academic reasons and am currently on probation. I did not make an appeal nor complete a readmission process. I wasn't ready. I knew I was going to **** up again and I just wanted to get ready before I tried again.</p>

<p>Essentially, I told them my grades were poor, but that I wasn't having problems. In reality, I failed all my courses due to absences and missing the final exams all the time. The only one I passed was the course that didn't deduct for absences. I also knew most of the material since I have a personal drive to do independent research. I got an A on it, but that didn't do much for my nonexistent GPA.</p>

<p>After the second semester ended, I was planning on applying for a summer session to bring my GPA up before dismissal, but I couldn't because they killed off my financial aid telling me that my GPA was too low. How was I supposed to increase my overall GPA if I couldn't get financial aid for summer classes? If I didn't take any classes, then I was going to be dismissed. That was a catch-22 that I didn't expect like many things in life.</p>

<p>I gave up in the end and thought that I would get ready by August. I failed again and again in time management and discipline. Once my time was coming to a close, I considered joining the French Foreign Legion because it would probably increase my discipline and it would provide a great excuse for not going to college this semester. It didn't quite work out. Apparently, the FFL officers are allowed to give you corporal punishment if you are too slow physically or mess up. I know I cannot take that and that I'm not physically fit enough to even qualify yet.</p>

<p>With that option gone, I lied to them that the college housing put me on a waitlist because of a late application. My family knows about the troubles I've had with landlords off-campus and I really have to get on with a lawsuit for my security deposit within this year as well. I told them that since I can't go on-campus, I will take a break until the winter session. Before that point, I was going to talk to the dean and start the readmission process.</p>

<p>They told me that I had to go to college no matter what and that I must take a 1hour 30 minute drive back and forth since I couldn't get housing. They considered the break out of the question.</p>

<p>I told them later that I didn't want to go to college this semester, but a little later and that I planned to get a job. They freaked.</p>

<p>I'm out of options. I have a meeting with a dean for the readmission process if it pans out, but I told them that it was for housing. They want to come with me to that appointment. I have no options. I really wish I didn't have to tell them.</p>

<p>Before all of this, I felt ashamed. I knew I was a failure even to my standards. I didn't want to tell them and thought I could fix myself. But, time passed and I had to lie which will most certainly hurt my relations with my family. They will see my actions as disgusting. I just wanted a break.</p>

<p>I knew I wasn't ready for college. My parents threatened to kick me out, so I went a year ago. I'm here at this point once more as a shadow of my former self, mentally beaten, afraid to confront life's challenges and willing to give it all away for a different lifestyle.</p>

<p>The appointment is tomorrow afternoon. I will have to tell them in the morning. Please help, berate or insult me if you can.</p>

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<p>Its you’re own fault, you made the bed, now sleep in it.</p>

<p>Its time to but the big kid panties on and tell them right out right.</p>

<p>If you get kicked out, so be it.</p>

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<p>French Foreign Legion? I’m going to go ahead and say that this is a ■■■■■ post. </p>

<p>On the off chance it isn’t, your parents will be angry. What you did was wrong. And there will very likely be further consequences from them. Most gravely, you will have to work long and hard to restore their trust in you. But remember that even if they yell at you, that can only last at most a certain number of minutes (half hour, tops). They might be mad at you for several days. But they love you. and eventually, they will at least forgive you for what you’ve done and hopefully help you move forward.</p>

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<p>Tell the truth, the whole truth, about everything. You’ve been lying and getting by with half truths for a long time. They will be angry, but ultimately you need to come clean and figure out what to do with yourself. At this point in time, it doesn’t appear that college is a good fit. Find something to do with yourself that will help you grow up.</p>

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<p>The failure is a dissapointment. The lies are betrayal. That is a moral issual and a far greater cause for sadness in a parent. Trust me on this. You will be forgiven.
You are going to have to define success on your own. Do not even think of blaming your parents for your mess because ‘you knew you were not ready and they made you go’. You are to blame. Own it. Deal with it. Get on with it. Quit lying…, and quit blaming others.</p>

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<p>Your parents will be disappointed but they will help you figure out what to do next.</p>

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<p>@SmithieandProud:</p>

<p>No, I’m not a ■■■■■ and never have been in the past. The reason I wanted to join the FFL was because I feel that I will be supporting the Iraq War, which I’m against by bolstering the military if I joined the U.S. Army/Navy/etc… The FFL are stationed in South America (not sure why), Mayotte, Djibouti, and several other places which aren’t really mentioned internationally. I didn’t mind all that too much. I watched some documentaries and articles about FFL officers which changed my mind and the plan. I couldn’t afford the tickets anyways.</p>

<p>I was planning on telling them outside because my parents are renting out some of the rooms to tenants for necessary money. I know they will be furious, hurt, and stressed. I wish I could have fixed it all so that they wouldn’t have to know. But, that’s life.</p>

<p>@bchan1:
Yes, I will tell them everything. It will be for the best at this point.</p>

<p>I agree. I think I should get a job where I have to earn money through my own hard work, paying for rent, food, and other expenses for me to truly appreciate time management, discipline, and a college education.</p>

<p>@blueiguana:
Yes, I take full responsibility for my actions. I never blamed them for this situation. I was the one who signed up for this after all. I chose the college. I chose the off-campus option. I chose to fail out of college as well. I chose to lie afterward and put myself in a bigger mess than it already was.</p>

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<p>Okay, if this is not a ■■■■■ post…just realize that one day you will be able to look back upon this as a time you messed up, and a tough time in your life. You would be surprised at how many people screw up their lives far greater than this. If you aren’t in jail, aren’t addicted to drugs, haven’t completely destroyed your life…then you are doing better than many. I know this all feels like a massive failure and the most devastating mess, but life goes on and things will get better.</p>

<p>Tomorrow is a new day. What do you need to do to fix your life? Well, the first thing is to get a plan. Perhaps a full time job, and community college at some point, to get started. I don’t know how tough it is to get into the Peace Corps or Americorps, but that is an option. One step at a time. Tell your parents the truth, admit your failures, apologize, and give them a plan. When you stand on your own and fix up your life, you will earn their respect.</p>

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<p>Tell your parents the truth. If necessary, get an intermediary to sit in and help facilitate the meeting. Would the dean do this? Or a counselor at the college health center?</p>

<p>When everything is clear between you, then you can begin to move forward by putting together a plan for your future. I hope that you can get some help in doing this, from the college or from another source. It will probably take some time for your parents to begin to recover from finding that you lied to them about such important matters. For some time, they may suffer from lack of trust and wonder if you are telling them the truth in difficult situations. But their love for you will be the foundation upon which you rebuild your relationship.</p>

<p>I’m sorry that you are going through this. Soldier on.</p>

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<p>Ummmm, I think you need to get your act together. Too wild a story for me but so be it. I would suggest counseling… If you have to do this kind of stuff to get by, you need to get your act together first. I would then attempt college down the road!</p>

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<p>I’m sorry you’re going through this. I went down a very similar path once. I never looked at the French Foreign Legion and I didn’t stretch things out as long as you did, but still . . . I get it. Yes, it was your fault–and you know that. But since you don’t have a time machine and the only point on looking back at this miserable experience is to learn from it. Don’t play the “if” game. “If only I’d done this or that, if only I’d attended class, not overslept, met with an advisor.” The guilt will bog you down and make it even harder to improve and get past this.</p>

<p>Tell your parents. Do it as soon as possible. Whatever their reaction will be (and I’m sure they will be hurt and angry), it’s better to find out and get it over with instead of worrying about it and imagining worst case scenarios every minute of the day. The sooner you tell them, the sooner they can get angry and get PAST their anger to help you.</p>

<p>Please don’t do anything rash, as the FFL talk makes me think you’re inclined to do. This is a horrible situation, but failing college doesn’t make YOU a failure as a person. Maybe you’ll get through college in the end and maybe you won’t, but either way you’ll find a job, laugh with friends, and be happy again. Hang in there.</p>

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<p>Heed the advice you’ve received on this thread.</p>

<p>Know that you’ve made very serious mistakes, but that you are not the only person ever to have done so.</p>

<p>Make up your mind right now that you’re turning the page and writing the next chapter of your life – one in which, if nothing else, you are committed to being honest, no matter how difficult the truth is to tell.</p>

<p>Hold yourself accountable not to be perfect, but to be a better person than you once were, and to be honest.</p>

<p>Come clean with your parents immediately, and then face each day with the goal of living in such a way that you can restore their trust AND your own self-respect.</p>

<p>Imagine the person you want to become, and take small but consistent steps to become that person.</p>

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<p>*The reason I wanted to join the FFL was because I feel that I will be supporting the Iraq War, which I’m against by bolstering the military if I joined the U.S. Army/Navy/etc…
*
If this isn’t a ■■■■■ you may want to read a newspaper.</p>

<p>[BBC</a> News - Last US combat brigade exits Iraq](<a href=“http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-middle-east-11020270]BBC”>Last US combat brigade exits Iraq - BBC News)</p>

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<p>Think about spending some time at a community college.</p>

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<p>You have received good support here. This is a great bunch for that. You have received invaluable advise. Take it to heart.</p>

<p>I’d like to offer one more option that I think may be valuable. You mention in a previous post that your parents are renting out rooms in your home for financial reasons. Once you have told them the truth, consider as part of your plan for success, staying at home and paying rent to your parents at a fee they set. There are several reasons I feel this is a good idea. Full time work is hard to find, even for a college graduate. If you can only find part-time work you will be unable to support yourself and move out. Paying rent shows respect and responsibility. If you moved on, there is the chance that your room may become an income generator for your parents. Make it so they see it as one with you there. This also means that when you are ready to either attend community college or return to a university, your room is still available to you. Again, this will show your parents you are respectful of their home and do not expect a free ride. It will not fix things. It will help to begin forming a new relationship where you will have to make a considerable effort to earn trust.</p>

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<p>Very good suggestion, blue.</p>

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<p>I don’t mean to make light of the OP’s situation . . . but who knew there was still a French Foreign Legion??</p>

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<p>[French</a> Foreign Legion - Recruiting](<a href=“http://www.legion-recrute.com/en/]French”>Légion étrangère)</p>

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<p>Djibouti is a very active area of the War on Terror. I would forget about the military (U.S. of FFL) you won’t make it because you won’t be able to arrive for muster on time. Also, you should forget about a career writing fiction – you are not very good at it.</p>

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<p>^^^blueiguana…good suggestion</p>