Before I start off I want to dispel any haters…I’m speaking from an honest heart and I really need help.
I applied ED to a top-20 school. It took me 2 weeks to decide if I should ED. When I visited the school it was so beautiful, had nice housing, best food in the country, etc. but I didn’t focus on the academic part like visiting a lecture or talking to students. I assumed everything was great…and I was accepted. I was over the moon to get into college! But then when people would ask me “Why did you apply?” Or bring up the school, I was quick to just reply with a “yeah I’m excited” when deep down I had very little desire to attend. I felt that if I kept saying I’m excited it would come to be true.
Fast forward to a month before school and I’m a wreck. My whole summer has been ruined since I attended orientation. I had a miserable experience at the school. I made friends but I felt so out of place and fake the whole time l. I didn’t feel like I could be me. I met with my advisor and found that the classes offered were just not what I want to do. I just hated the vibe of everything. It has made me so sad because if I had done my research before I applied I would not be in such a miserable state.
My M doesn’t want me to stay around and get a job because I “need to go to college”. I am 200% going to college I just don’t know what to do in my current state. I am a very responsible person, straight A, stray B student, 4.6 WGPA.
What do I do?
I’m leaning towards withdrawing and getting a job for a semester and attending school in the spring. I’ve applied to my state school where I have a 90% chance of getting in. I really want to go there and think I will thrive- I have friends, sports, and my major.
Or can I defer my enrollment in case I don’t get into my state school?
Also, does my application, being for spring semester, hurt my chance of getting in?
Take a deep breath. You’ve been there for barely a week. I say give it a chance. What did you not like about the school when you visited in? Are there other courses or programs that you might be interested in there?
“My whole summer has been ruined since I attended orientation. I had a miserable experience at the school. I made friends but I felt so out of place and fake the whole time.”
You will meet many more people than simply the ones you meet at orientation. Orientation itself can often be an overwhelming experience because there is a lot of information put on you at once and there is a lot of small talk and socializing – the real friendships and relationships you will for will be later on. I feel like you might be overreacting a little bit and going into it with a negative perspective, especially if one week could ruin your entire summer. It sounds like you may be undergoing “buyers remorse,” but it sounds like you enjoyed it when you first visited. Classes haven’t started yet – and if you truly find that they don’t have what you want to study, you can transfer, but I say give it a chance and I think you might actually find yourself having a good experience when you are there.
Honestly I think you are panicking. You are facing the biggest change in your life thus far and you are overwhelmed. Breathe and find some humor. You need to roll with this. You need to give it your very best shot and put your best foot forward and see how it goes. Nobody knows if their choice is right for them until they do it. When you said, “I have friends” at my state school it put up a red flag for me showing that you aren’t coping well with change. You aren’t supposed to go to college with friends. You go on your own and make new friends. Everything will be fine. You need to relax. Oh and by the way, it’s often typical to dislike orientation.
@Empireapple and @shawnspencer have good advice. Give it a chance. You can always transfer to your state school. Are you receiving FA at this school? Would the state school be affordable for you without FA should you transfer? If the answer to the second question is yes, give this other school a chance. Transfer next year if you are still unhappy. What exactly is it that you don’t like? Is it too small or too big? Too far from home? Are you worried it will be too competitive? If you are 100% sure of what you want to major in and this school does not have your major, that is a problem. Otherwise, you need to give this school a chance and start the fall with a positive attitude. For many students, it takes a semester or two to feel like they “belong.” You won’t be the only one there feeling this way.
OP: Your post lacks specifics so it is difficult for others to see your feelings as anything other than as a panic attack caused by a fear of commitment.
I think it could be nerves. I’d give it a try. You can transfer later if you still feel the same. It is very common for students attending top universities to have some “I don’t know if I belong here” moments. Relax. Do your best work. “Grow where you’re planted.” The next four years isn’t your whole life. I have a feeling that ones the nerves and anxiety passes, you’ll see again what you liked about the college before you applied.
As for not liking the classes that are offered, I get it. After having few choices in high school, you’re eager to dig in to your major at college only to find you have a long list of core classes to get through first. Even though that information is available ahead of time, it’s easy to overlook while you’re managing your high school classes on top of ECs and college essay, tests, etc. Make the best of it. These things have a way of working out.
First year classes are often not that exciting. At least get some courses under your belt, and then you can transfer next year if you are still miserable.
I found that I never associated again with the kids I met at orientation. I made friends in classes and at my dorm.
Good luck! Try to think positive and find the good things about the school. Go to sports events, sign up for clubs, and get engaged!
Orientation is not the same as actually being on campus and attending classes. I agree with others that you are panicking. The same might have happened at any school. If you are 100% convinced that you don’t want to attend this fall, you can still probably defer. Then you can spend a year working, doing something meaningful, researching the school you are planning to attend, and so on.
I do not recommend you start in the spring. Your top 20 college isn’t likely to let you start in the spring anyway. Spring can be very tough, especially as a freshman, because friend groups are likely to be established by then, and very few colleges provide any events or assistance for spring admits. If you are really confident and outgoing, etc…then it might be fine, but I don’t recommend it.
I am deeply concerned about this particular comment" “I met with my advisor and found that the classes offered were just not what I want to do.” If this is not a good match for your academic goals, then you don’t want to be there.
Your choices are to waste a semester or year and spend a whole bunch of money for coursework that you don’t need or want before transferring out, or to bite the bullet and take a gap year. Planning to transfer has huge risks. What if you are so unhappy that your grades tank? If you need financial aid to make your education possible, what will you do if you are accepted for transfer but the aid isn’t adequate?
Sit down with your mom. Talk about the specific fact that this ED institution doesn’t match your academic goals. Talk about enrolling at the State U for second semester, or for next year. Then take that gap year/semester. Work on a new application list. If you find places that will serve you better than your state U, apply there too.
I totally get it that your mom has been working through her own plans for once you were out of the house. Staying home a bit longer will shake those up. So when you are talking with her, let her know that you want to be more grown up about everything (which is part of why you want to not spend her money on the wrong college/university), and that you will make yourself as useful as possible to her during this gap time, and that you will indeed be out the door to college as soon as you can arrange to do so at a place that is better for you.
More concerned if “the top 20 school” is an LAC than if a National University for the obvious reason that most LACS have a strong culture that is hard to avoid if not “your cup of tea”.
Although it is understandable if you do not want to identify the particular college or university, it might be very helpful in generating more school specific advice & better advice in general–in my opinion.
Hugs to you, OP. I’m a parent and when I went to the orientation for my 2nd kid last summer, I had this deadly feeling that this school was not the right choice for him. And I was right! But that’s not why I"m writing…i’m writing because the sense of having made a mistake is pretty common here at CC in July & August and what you don’t know yet is if you’re part of the 90% with normal pre-starting jitters…or the 10% who do need a new path. In your case, I’d give it a full 1st semester…most state universities will likely have openings in the spring.
Agree with all the wise folks above, about nerves in the summer as the reality of moving on campus, managing a roommate, navigating campus, making friends, etc. starts to hit.
On the concern about classes not being what the student is interested in – fall semester freshman often have the least options when it comes to class registration and so may be registered for courses which meet college requirements but are not necessarily “of interest.” Particularly if the school in question is a LAC, where all classes are in the “liberal arts” rather than a specific College of Business, Engineering etc., I’d encourage the student to keep an open mind as the first semester is less about starting in your major or a particular course of study and more about adjusting academically overall, and knocking off some requirements.
I know you think you made the wrong decision but, I think your heart was in the right place. You felt the “campus” when your arrived for a visit, otherwise, you wouldn’t have applied.
For me, I needed the aesthetics of the school in order to get my head in the right place. I needed to surround myself with things that would help my living at the school for 4 years (quiet, green areas; good food, flow, etc.) and being able to focus and study.
I am inclined to agree with @Publisher in post #5 that it is hard to make an informed opinion based on relatively little information.
Any top 20 university is going to be academically very strong. It sounds like OP is academically a very strong student. As such it is hard to find a problem there. However, any student who shows up in September to start freshman year at a top 20 university is going to need to feel ready to start studying hard.
Most universities are going to be large enough that there will be a wide range of students and a wide range of clubs to participate in. As such we can expect that OP should be able to find students like them after some time at any top university.
In terms of specific majors or academic areas of interest, I don’t see any information for us to go from.
As such I am inclined to agree with a lot of posts above that if you give it a chance you are likely to like it better. However, I also think that taking a year off and spending time to think about what you really want in a university is likely to find you attending a very good university (whether the same one or not) no later than a year from now.
OP, can you tell us what university this is, and what major or majors you are thinking about? Also, do you have a preference regarding size of the school, city or rural, or other aspects?
Give it a full semester. Like anything else, it is new and different. Change is scary! Congrats for getting into a great school! Join some clubs, etc. I hope you end up loving it!
So sorry you are feeling this way. It sounds like some anxiety, so common. I would suggest to give it a semester, if you feel you don’t fit in- transfer then. It will be easier to transfer at that point from a top 20 school. Hang in there, many, many kids feel this way at this point in the process.
I don’t get the advice to go and ‘just try’ the college. Usually on CC the advice is to NOT take any steps that would interfere with ‘freshman’ status. Don’t take any community college classes, any classes at a local school because then the student taking a gap year won’t be eligible for freshman merit awards, honors college, etc.
If you need a gap year, take it. If you’d rather go to another college, do it. I agree you might be having anxiety about going to ANY college, but only you can decide if that’s the reason you no longer want to go to the ED school.
I know a lot of kids who went away to schools, often to play a sport, and left after a semester to return to the state flagship where their friends were happily enrolled and posting pics on social media about how wonderful it is at State U. Some people LIKE their high school friends, like their family in the area, like the idea of going to a local school and becoming a nurse or teacher or owning a small business in the area after graduation.
