<p>I know threads like these are popping up all over the parents forum, but I wanted to know if any parents had any tips on how to deal with homesickness. I've made a lot of friends at school, and I'm having a great time, but sometimes, I just get really sad and miss home and my family. It's tough living in dorms (I'm a quad) because I feel like I constantly have to be on my "best" behavior, as in, I always have to be nice to people, I always have to appear happy and put together, etcetc. Plus it's really hard to cry in my room (I know, I'm a big baby.) Tips?</p>
<p>find some alone time!!! if anyone was ever in need of quality time by themselves, its you</p>
<p>The most important thing to do is to know that homesickness is normal and that it does pass. The second most important thing to do is to keep busy. The busier you are, the less time you have to think about it. And it's a good idea to do something active--a sport or dancing if that's what you're into, but something, even if you're not an athlete.</p>
<p>I've had those times where I'll be doing homework or just sitting around and BAM! Homesickness just hits me. All I want to do is just go home, get out of this place, go back to my best friends, everything. Just remember that you are going to college for you. To better yourself in the long run. When I get homesick I just call my mom and talk to her or call my best friends at other schools. </p>
<p>Remember that it's your room too, so if you want to cry, go ahead. I'm sure no one will say anything. If anything, I'm sure they would make sure that you are okay or ask if you want to talk about it. I find that talking about home makes me feel better.</p>
<p>Oh, becchalk, big BIG hugs to you! As a mommy, your title made a tear or two slide down my face. Believe me, your family misses you as much as you miss them. What you're feeling is perfectly normal. Let's face it ... after 17 or 18 years of living at home with your family, it would be unusual not to miss home. Don't be embarrassed to cry and don't feel like you always have to put on a happy face for others. This is a fabulous time in your life ... a time to really spread your wings and show your independence. What you are experiencing is very common for students, especially at this time of year. Hang in there, talk with friends (believe me, many of them feel the same as you!), and never hesitate to call home when you are missing your family. They will love hearing your voice as much as you love hearing theirs. Good luck to you, becchalk, and hang in there! :)</p>
<p>My son says that one part of his life is missing - he used to have school, social, and home and now there's no home. I recommend finding something to represent "home" - for him I suggested Hillel but it doesn't have to be a religious organization - just somewhere with adults involved who aren't teachers. Does your dorm have a house fellow or house manager (someone a little older than RA's)? If there's a counseling center that might be a place to have a cry just to get it out - you could get privacy and no judgment. Maybe there's a campus museum (are you at Stanford?) where you can let your mind relax.</p>
<p>Thanks guys - I feel better just knowing I'm not the only one! I definitely have a lot of times where I'm busy doing something else and then all of a sudden something will remind me of my baby sister or something and I'll just have a major urge to cry. (I cry really easily.) I think it's tougher, too, because I've been sick (not with anything big, just cough/cold/fever - but they FEEL big!) and it's strange to be living with roommates who aren't really there to baby me when I'm sick, and make me hot cocoa, or grilled cheese and tomato sauce, etc etc.</p>
<p>What's really ironic is that my parents and I have always had an extremely volatile relationship, causing me to make the decision to only apply to schools far far from home. And some time this summer, something changed, and we got a lot closer... but now I'm 3000 miles away, wishing I'd just picked a college where if I was feeling lonely, I could call my mom, and she'd drive up for the day, darn it!</p>
<p>I think all of this might have been brought on by it being Parent's Weekend last weekend, and since my parents couldn't come, it was just tough for me to be alone.</p>
<p>Don't get me wrong, I love my school, and I'm pretty sure I made the right choice. But... well... the title says it all... I really miss my mommy :-(</p>
<p>Cry in the shower. (Worked for me). Call mom and tell her you miss her. That'll make HER cry. . .but she'll love you for telling her.</p>
<p>Also, remember that in a real sense "home" doesn't exist anymore. You are growing up -- maybe you would like to remain a child for a little while longer, but not much -- and so are your friends. Your friends aren't home anymore, either. Your relationship with your parents and your family is going to change, no matter what. It's always tough to take that first step, and the "break" isn't (and shouldn't be) absolute -- it happens over a long time. But it would be happening if you were home, too.</p>
<p>I didn't feel homesick much at college, but I cried for hours and hours the night before I left home. I knew things were going to be different, and I wanted them to be different, but there was a huge sense of loss. But, guess what? It was worth it!</p>
<p>That being on your best behavior part is really tough. You'll get over it soon enough, but I know it causes a lot of stress. You have to find a way to be yourself in the world, and that's a little hard and threatening, especially when you are still finding out who "yourself" is. Just remember that everyone else you know is going through the same thing: they are trying to keep up their best behavior to impress you, too. Be tolerant with yourself and with others, and don't get trapped in being someone that you're not.</p>
<p>When I was a lonely freshman, I found a couple quiet places on campus where I could go when I felt down and just cry or be down without worrying my roommate. Being in a quad does make it harder to have alone time, but there must be some quiet corners around where few people ever go and you could just get a little cry in, then go back to the dorm, feeling better. (It does sometimes seem to help.)</p>
<p>Call, email, IM your family often, too--unless that just makes it worse. But do keep in touch. Back in the Dark Ages before cell phones, I used to write long letters to my mom, telling her everything that was going on. It did help. (Or keep a journal. That will be fun to look back on later, when you are past this stage.) It will get better. Honest. The first quarter or semester is the worst.</p>
<p>becchalk -</p>
<p>I am so sorry to hear about your homesickness, particularly since you are so far from home.</p>
<p>I don't know if this may help, but I am going to offer this suggestion. Ask your parents to sign up for instant messaging. It is a great way to stay in touch and 'talk' to them in private without anyone else hearing what you have to say. That way, you can say things like 'I love you', 'I miss you', etc. in private. It is a great way to stay and touch and feel connected to your family. Even if it is a few minutes here and there to find out and convey things that are going on. Also, if you have a digital camera, email them some photos and encourage them to send some back. It again, will help you feel connected. </p>
<p>Hang in there. Freshman year is a big adjustment. I wish you the best.</p>
<p>Do they need a parents weekend to come out? no. Talk to them about coming out for their own parents weekend. </p>
<p>We cope by short emails and calls almost daily. Just a couple minutes works pretty well, not the same as being there but hearing a voice can help.</p>
<p>3k miles is a lot..wow and im sure ur 'rents cannot afford to flyout @ every chance they can gett..thats y my parents want me to stay close... they feel i need to be close...</p>
<p>yes. The shower is a great place to pound the wall and cry. Try taking that crying shower late at night so that you can let it out and also have the hot shower relax you so you wll sleep really deeply. And make sure that you're getting enough sleep.</p>
<p>Being even a little bit sick will exagerate your needy feelings. This just makes sense. So give yourself a break about it. Don't wait for others to make tea or cocoa for you....go ahead and nuke some water and make something comforting for yourself. I think you'll feel better.</p>
<p>Lots of big {{{{Mom-type hugs}}}}} to you. Please check in and let us know how you're doing.</p>
<p>becchalk,
So sorry that you are feeling homesickness, but please know that you are not alone in this. It's really so normal, but everyone thinks he/she is the only one going through it. If you are feeling sick, that is making everything worse. How about going over to campus health services and getting something to help with that fever or cough? Maybe you don't have all that over-the-counter stuff right on hand, but they do. It might make you feel a little better! Take a deep breath, exhale, and know that for almost every freshman, things do get better!
Mom-type hugs to you!</p>
<p>Yes, Momof3sons is right. Virtually everyone goes through homesickness. I suppose the only people who don't are those who previously were friendless and lived in miserable homes.</p>
<p>Fortunately, homesickness is not fatal, and there are things that you can do to cope with it. Crying in the shower can help because it can feel good to release those sad feelings.</p>
<p>Doing things to help others also can help as can joining clubs, which will help you get to know like minded people who'll eventually become new friends.</p>
<p>Going to the counseling center also can help. They are well equipped to offer support and advice on homesickness.</p>
<p>Do take care of your health including eating right and getting a flu shot. With the move and general stress/depression related to your college adventure, your resistence will be low, and if you don't take care of yourself, you may get ill at the most inconvenient times like during midterms and finals.</p>
<p>All the above are great suggestions. I'll add two:</p>
<p>Take long walks out through natural areas. (if you're at Stanford, you're surrounded by them.) That always makes me feel better.</p>
<p>Write--your feelings, things that happened, what you miss, what's good where you are, etc. Often writing things down is a way of working through how you feel and getting some perspective. In a few months, you may look back at what you write and see how far you've come.</p>
<p>And like everyone says--take care of yourself. Get sleep, eat well, drink lots of fluids, and pamper yourself in any small ways that are healthy and make you feel better.</p>
<p>Oh, I hadn't noticed until garland mentioned it, that your location is Palo Alto. If you are indeed at Stanford, that is also where I was. I used to ride my bike out to the Mausoleum and spend quiet time there. It may have changed in the many years since, but it was a very quiet place at the time, and I was almost guaranteed to have peace and quiet there to write, draw, think, or cry. Then I would feel more able to face people again.</p>
<p>Actually nope, not at Stanford - I grew up/my family lives in Palo Alto. I'm at Bates in ME right now. Lot different than home ;-) But you guys are right, there are a plethora of nice places on Stanford campus to sit and think.</p>
<p>Thanks for all the support guys. I think its a lot of me just being thrown into a completely different environment. I've never had a problem with homesickness until I got here, but now it seems to be attacking me, full force!</p>
<p>I've tried to join a lot of clubs, etc etc, though with the workload, sometimes I just feel pure exhaustion. I'm trying to budget my time better, but it's a learning process.</p>
<p>I did visit my campus health center at the peak of my sickness and was diagnosed with mild strep. Antibiotics have mostly cleared me up now, thank goodness. Climate change, and what not, but it's tough to be far from home, in a new place, coughing up a lung, feeling miserable. I know that I'm perfectly capable of making myself cocoa, etc, but I think it's more the act of having someone around who loves me enough to do it. It's also the realization that I'm not a kid anymore, and that I'll never live at home the way I have before. I suppose it's just a sort of sad goodbye to my childhood.</p>
<p>I utilized the crying in the shower idea - thanks SO much to whoever suggested that, it made me feel a lot better. I don't like people to see me cry, because a lot of the time, they do their best to cheer me up, when what I really need is to be depressed for some time, and just cry it all out. It felt good to just get rid of all those emotions.</p>
<p>Sometimes I hang up the phone with my mom and want to cry still, though. I'm trying not to be a baby and call her every day, but I'm so used to seeing her, telling her about my day and what I've done, that it seems strange not to. My mom and I haven't always gotten along, but now that I'm not with her, I realize how much more I should have appreciated my time with her. Sometimes I have just awful thoughts about how something could happen to her and I'd have been so far away for so long (I know its silly, sometimes things like that just pop into my head). I don't know... I want to be my mommy's baby again, which is extremely childish of me, but how I feel right now, I suppose.</p>
<p>It's not that I haven't made friends - I've made a lot - but I feel like most of my friendships are superficial, and that I sometimes feel like I'm "tagging along" to whoever I'm with. People seem to have such defined groups of friends already, and I'm still bouncing around, trying to find my place, which makes it tough. I don't know... </p>
<p>I really appreciate all the support - it makes me feel a lot better! Thanks :-)</p>
<p>i don't buy instant friendship. Its perfectly appropriate to bounce around until you do feel comfortable. Finding one club that you enjoy would be helpful. Keep in mind how stressful it is to move far from home and friends, meet new people, face an unfamiliar college, and strive to do well in school. Its never easy to make such changes.</p>