I need a critique on UC prompt #1, help?

College Essays
1

<p>Hey all,</p>

<p>This is my first crack at the UC's prompt #1: "Describe the world you come from...Tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations."</p>

<p>I would love to get feedback from you guys! Tell me what you think; please don't hold back if you think it honestly sucks either.</p>

<p>Btw, can I just copy and paste the essay into a PM to people?</p>

2

<p>Sure. PM it on over.</p>

3

<p>Yeah, no problem, I'll take a look.</p>

4

<p>I can take a look if you want. PM it to me.</p>

5

<p>i'll take a look, pm it over.</p>

6

<p>I would love to see it! PM me, it might also help me decide what I should right for my UCB essays</p>

7

<p>I'll offer my input. PM me =P</p>

8

<p>you can PM me if u want</p>