<p>I think it’s going to be rough for your H to keep that RN job anyway. The summer before he graduates at least, he’s going to need to take a legal job for the summer to have much hope of landing a job when he gets his JD. And the hours he’d have to work as a summer associate will probably be too long to keep the RN job. </p>
<p>So, at least think about moving to California if he is able to get some sort of summer associate job there for summer '09. If he can, then look into seeing if he can be a visiting law student for his last semester. Yes, that means he won’t have the income he has now…but it MAY be possible for him to get a part-time job with the law firm he summers with. </p>
<p>Another idea–get in touch with some med mal firms in California. As a RN and almost attorney, he might be able to get some sort of quasi-paralegal job with one of them. Med mal firms often like to hire people with some med background to review transcripts and med records, get records from hospitals, etc. </p>
<p>The fact that he can’t be a RN in Cali doesn’t mean he can’t do anything.</p>
<p>I dont think they allow infants in class though … i know you can not have an infant in a dorm. </p>
<p>Originally he was going to transfer schools to come to california, we both favor california, but he needs his RN liscence b/c of money- oddly enough, none of the schools in NYC would let him take just 1 RN course. … you know with all the people here and all , RN programs are impacted and stuff. But… another thing is that he just got accepted for his RN bachelor (2nd bachelor) here in NYC---- so this creates another issue b/c we do want him to get both of those degrees, he sort of plans on specializing in RN/ Law- and with studying for the BAR , that would require time off , we can not afford for him to not have a real job.. not to mention that i doubt he could ever find such a high paying job for so few hours. He is not graduating NYU Law or anything, just a tier 4- his starting salary just on law school alone is not going to be six figures. I know this probably odd and all considering everyone on College Confidential usually only goes to top tier schools … this is also one of the reasons that he wants me to finish UCLA too, he thinks that it is important and it does open more doors.</p>
<p>He is not going to be looking for a JD job until 1 year after graduation due to BAR exams and well due to money. I dont know how we would live in LA even if he got a summer part time job. That would not even cover rent.</p>
<p>basically because of money i do not see how we can go to california together, it is just not feasable for us. My options are to go by myself to california to finish the degree and that would require him to support me financially anyways so taking a pay cut would make that impossible. Basically options are, stay and forget UCLA, commute to ucla from moms house, or transfer to UCSD and take 2 years to do a double major (i would then go on and off to UCSD)</p>
<p>Since you sound committed to NYC and you plan to get a degree from Baruch anyway in order to get a job, I would not pursue the degree from UCLA (or UCSD) and just finish up at Baruch as quickly and cheaply as possible. (That may entail waiting until you are eligible for in-state tuition.) Then consider getting a master’s degree from a presitgious school, perhaps one in NYC. I really don’t think the name of the school on your resume is that important, particularly since you won’t even be using it to find employment. You have already gained the real value from UCLA by your previous attendance.</p>
<p>Congratulations on the baby. It sounds like a wonderful surprise. I wouldn’t worry that the timing seems a trifle inconvenient, as that is the case for most women. I’m sure everything will work out fine.</p>
<p>So, let’s clarify some things. I beleive you mean:</p>
<ol>
<li>Your baby is on the way.</li>
<li>You have only 6 months (basically a semester) left of your UCLA studies to get your degree. You are on academic leave from UCLA and currently live in NYC with your husband.</li>
<li>When you are done, you’ll go to NYC to be with your husband, and you plan to live and work in NYC.</li>
</ol>
<p>I will get flamed for saying this, but I have a different opinion: if you really want to get your degree from UCLA, live in S-D and commute to UCLA. It is doable, especially in your situation. You’ll have a nice support group at home for the baby, and you only need to be away 2-3 days/week for only 6 months. If you can take the train, you’ll be able to do a lot of homework on your way to classes or back home. It is only 6 months. OTOH, I’d just go for that degree in NYC and forget UCLA… After several years of employment, no one is going to look where you went to school. They’d care more about your track record at your previous place of employment.
The reason why I’m saying commuting is doable is because I did something similar when I was your age: I commuted 1.5-2 hrs each way to my job 5 days a week for almost 2 years when my D was little. H was a postdoc and stayed at work very late, so we saw him 1-2 hrs/day. We had no relatives close by to offer us any support. My co-worker, a mother of 3, commuted 2-2.5 hrs each way, but she was in a better position - her husband was a stay at home dad (that’s why she had to work). Needless to say, we both were looking for jobs closer to home, and took them we saw a chance.
Congratulations on your baby! Be very proud of yourself!</p>
<p>M, I live in NYC. I know he’s not going to NYU–it doesn’t have a night law school program for a JD and hasn’t for many years. I assumed he was going to something like New York Law School. </p>
<p>There’s this thing called married student housing. Kids are allowed to live in it. And most colleges and law schools have child care centers. Heck, my law school had one over 30 years ago. My kid’s law school had one too. You don’t take the kid to class. You put him/her in the day care center. There are also some schools that allow single parents to live in “married student housing.” Um..you don’t think there are any single moms in college or law school?</p>
<p>Second, if he wants a job in law at all, he has to try to land a job working in a legal office of some sort BEFORE graduation day. It is NOT as if he can keep working as an RN, never ever work as a lawyer at all, take time off to take the bar exam in February 2010, and then sit around and wait until the following May to find out if he passed, working as a RN the entire time, and THEN try to get his first job as an attorney. He might be able to get one…but almost everyone prefers to hire people who have summer experience of a legal nature. So, realistically, he’s going to have to take time off from his RN job to be a summer associate or legal intern somewhere. He would, IMO, be very, very foolish not to. Should he not do that and FAIL the bar on his first attempt, he would REALLY be up a creek without a paddle. </p>
<p>Your H has to stay in New York, he has to get a BS in nursing–I personally can’t figure out why. I don’t think anyone who wants a nurse is going to pay more for one with a law degree and I doubt that any law office is going to want to hire someone part-time while he finishes a BS in nursing. I don’t think getting that second degree–especially if it will take him past December '09–is going to improve his job prospects as an attorney. If it’s a choice between a worse paying summer job in a legal office where he might land a real job after graduation and working as a RN, I’d say to take the first option. </p>
<p>Waiting a year after he finishes law school to start LOOKING for a job as an attorney will, I suspect, make it VERY difficult for him to land a job as an attorney. Going deeper into debt to get the BS in nursing doesn’t seem wise to me. </p>
<p>I don’t mean to rain on your parade. I just think you need to talk to someone about his “game plan.” </p>
<p>You might try posting on the law board. There is a legal headhunter who posts there who might be able to give better advice.</p>
<p>I agree with jonri’s advice. UCLA has married student housing, and it’s pretty affordable. If your husband is now at a “tier 4” law school without any financial aid, he has nothing to lose in transferring to another law school in CA and getting financial aid to replace the nursing income.
I commuted for a miserable 6 months from LA to Orange County (about an hour each way, often more with traffic)…it was truly horrible.</p>
<p>Do you need to make this decision before the baby is born? Babies change everything. If it’s possible, I recommend waiting to make the decision.</p>
<p>But if you must make the decision now, I recommend transferring to UCSD. I don’t think you’ll want to spend five hours several times a week driving, when you could be spending more time with your baby girl.</p>
<p>I am trying to make my decision now specifically because babies change everything… I dont want my decision to be blurred by tiny cuteness. I think my mind is more clear now to see the benefits and cons more clearly than if there is tiny cuteness cooing at me or at daddy- i think that would negate any sort of temporary family separation. I can just see it now, she smiles at daddy and i decide to stay, where as 10 years down the road i will wonder if our lives would have been better had i completed UCLA- would i make more money? would i have a different career? etc etc etc. I just feel 6 months out of the grand scheme of life is worth suffering for IF it truly benefits me later on. Question is of benefit i guess.</p>
<p>"I dont want my decision to be blurred by tiny cuteness. "</p>
<p>I’m sorry, I could be out of line as I have not read every post, but that’s the way it is supposed to be. </p>
<p>Like that newborn cry that says </p>
<p>I WILL NOT BE IGNORED!!</p>
<p>I doubt you you will NEVER regret the changes you male because of your baby. It is not uncommon to regret decisions you make in spite of your baby. I can remember being pregnant with my second and facing the decsion to let down my patients and the people who worked for me, or continuing to work when my Ob said I should not. I kept working and I still wonder what would have been different for my son if I had stopped working and he had not been born so small. There will be lots of what ifs, but there is no way going to UCLA vs UCSD is going to be more important than allowing the changes that having a baby brings.</p>
<p>PS I lived in UCLA family housing on Rose , and it was the BEST deal in town! ( they almost made me wait until I delivered on Christmas eve eve…wasn’t married either…blush…)</p>
<p>I agree that tiny babies are easier to deal with as they sleep a lot of the time. So this might mean that it would be better for you to return to UCLA this fall and get your degree this coming semester than waiting for a whole year. I don’t know about college-based day- care centers; there could be an affordable one at UCLA. If not, it could be possible to arranged home-based day care for a few hours each week for the times you have to be in class or go to the library.</p>
<p>infants can be highly portable. Toddlers not so much. A front sling allows you to keep baby close, breast feed as needed and most importantly be together. I know this is outside your plan but here is what I would advise you if you were my daughter. Forget the year off, live with your husband in NY and attend classes w/ baby in tow. </p>
<p>Even if you were my D, my bias is for your baby girl and I think the best thing for her is to have her parents together and to be able to hang with you. The best thing for you may be finishing quickly while you can haul her around and easily keep her content. It’s a bit of a win win. My son attended classes with me as an infant. Many didn’t even know he was there. </p>
<p>Malishka, You cannot ignore the baby. Every decision in life is a crossroads and we give up something-- if only a dream-- when we accept something else. </p>
<p>Have you looked into transferring to a more prestigious NY school with financial aid and married student housing? Do NYU, Columbia or Barnard have married student housing? I know NYU’s financial aid is not supposed to be the best but maybe Columbia or Barnard would be better? Geez, if you’re willing to commute that long, you could do that in NY, consider Vassar, Wesleyan, U Penn or Bryn Mawr. </p>
<p>If that’s not an option, I think you should finish at UCLA and commute by train if your marriage can stand the distance. Transferring to UCSD will only drag out the separation. Honestly, my biggest concern isn’t the baby, especially if he/ she will be with your mother. My biggest concern is that the distance will be too much for young newlyweds. Oh, and don’t drive-- caring for a baby is <em>exhausting.</em> Just ride the train and sleep.</p>
<p>""I dont want my decision to be blurred by tiny cuteness. "</p>
<p>But that’s what it means to be a mother. You’ll have the rest of your life to get your degrees, but only a very short time to be the mother of an infant.</p>
<p>When my first child was born, I was only a few months from the end of my commitment as a fulltime Navy officer. About 2 months after he was born, I was offered the chance to reenlist for 2 years, giving me a transfer to the city where my husband and I were going to move (H had taken 2 years off his job to move to where the Navy had stationed me). </p>
<p>I signed on the line, and almost immediately regretted it because working fulltime didn’t give me too much time to enjoy my baby.</p>
<p>It really is fine and appropriate to make decisions like yours based on enjoying motherhood. Also, things that sound easy to you now – like a 4-hour roundtrip commute – may end up being far more difficult than you can imagine now because you haven’t had the experience of staying up all night with a crying, hungry or sick baby.</p>
<p>A lot of good points that just make me have a lot more questions :/</p>
<p>But what about the fact that here in the city we have no support network, where as in San Diego , i would have my whole family and grama to watch and play with her, that is the only reason we even think this is feasable. Both hubby and I were raised by our grandparents b/c that was the norm where we are from… i spend the first 7 years of my life while my mom had a high power career with my grandparents.. then we came here and it was all very different. </p>
<p>In regards to us not making it as a newlywed couple with the distance, that really would not be an issue at all… We made it over 2 years already… long distance would be nothing new for us, and for such a short period of time relative to what we already did it is no biggie.</p>
<p>edit: i just looked up rates for UCLA daycare and :0 OMG</p>
<p>Would it be possible for one of your relatives to move in with you temporarily to help take care of the baby? My H had a colleague whose mother came all the way from Taiwan to help care for the baby. The mother only recently returned home after staying for nearly a year.</p>
<p>As for UCLA daycare rates: yes, they are shocking. This is why I suggested home-based daycare for a few hours only.</p>
<p>My mom lives in San Diego… do you mean move in with me in Los Angeles so i do not have to commute? The only reason i planned on commuting is so that she is with my mom /family</p>
<p>Either your mom moving to LA or coming to NYC so that you and your baby can be all together. Of course, that may not be feasible if your mom works! But I don’t think a 3-4 hour round-trip commute will be sustainable for long, especially if you have to be up at night to feed your baby, or if the baby is colicky or falls ill.</p>
<p>Well, i see no reason for my mom to come to NYC as i do not really work or do anything .. and well i have no space for my mom to stay and we can not afford to put her up in any sort of housing. </p>
<p>In terms of my mom going to LA, that is another money issue. </p>
<p>Plus my mom is married and has her parents (my granparents) that are pretty old and need watching/helping, so it is not realistic to move my mom. I can leave my baby with my mom though and just go to class there and dorm and come down on weekends.</p>
<p>That might be a possibility. Or you could see if you could schedule your classes for Tuesday-Thursday, so that you could spend more time with your baby and relieve your mom of the burden of caring for both your baby and your grandparents.</p>