<p>Bluedevil- I don't know if you've decided whether or not to stay, but I was reading back issues of the Chronicle, and I came across this. Thought it might be helpful. </p>
<p>By the end of next week, I must make an important decision--whether or not to transfer from Duke. Ever since the acceptance letters arrived in my mailbox my thoughts have been consumed by the choice I must make, for it is not an easy one.
Transferring is a thought that crosses--though fleetingly in most cases--the minds of many college freshman, but most won't admit it. We all come to college with certain hopes and expectations and in most cases reality gives us all a little slap in the face. Nothing ever turns out exactly like we dreamed it would be.
It's the "prom phenomenon" on a larger scale. You work your butt off in high school, and are ecstatic when you finally get into your dream college. You spend the whole summer racing around buying extra-long sheets and shower caddies, preparing to embark on what are supposed "best years of your life." Like prom ("the best night of your life"), however, college turns out to have many of the anticipated highs, but also some unexpected lows.
I came to Duke this fall after a fascinating year off, with my own visions of what college life would be like. The realities of first semester did not merely give me a slap in the face, but several body blows and a couple of harsh uppercuts as well. I felt out of synch with the whole spirit of Duke. Kegs was the major topic of conversation in my dorm; basketball, which I knew and cared very little about, was a close second. All the cattiness and grade grubbing I though I'd left behind in high school were stronger than ever on the collegiate level.
I was miserable. Was I experiencing typical college-adjustment angst or was it something deeper? As I became progressively more dissatisfied with the Duke scene, I sent for transfer applications. Just having those glossy view books sitting on my desk shed a glimmer of hope on my desperate situation. I envied the nameless individuals that smiled out from the pages and wanted to be where they were.
Going through the application process was senior year revisited. SAT scores had to be sent, teacher recommendations requested, transcripts mailed, extra-curriculars condensed into a neat little list, and essays written that summed up, in less than 500 words, who I was, my most meaningful experiences and why I wanted to transfer. It was hell. But filling them out and sending them off was a way for me to get back at Duke for not being all that I wanted it to be.
I found myself romanticizing about the schools to which I wanted to transfer. I criticized Duke and idealized the other colleges. It was easy to do so because they lay within the realm of possibility. "Ahhh, wouldn't it be great to go to a school with residential colleges," I would say to myself. Now the realm of possibility has become a possible reality, and I ask myself, "Would it?"
I raced up north last weekend to re-visit the colleges that I was accepted to and did not find nirvana. I found colleges that did have elements that I feel Duke lacks and were stronger in some areas that I feel Duke is weak, but also had their own share of problems and shortcomings. My college visit also revealed certain strengths Duke has that I had taken for granted.
I cannot check the "Yes, I'm coming!" box as easily as I thought I'd be able to. Part of me fears all that transferring entails. It would be a tremendous adjustment process. Making new friends, figuring out where things are, who the good teachers are, what hours the dining halls are open and all the other details that I've mastered here at Duke, I would have to learn again. On the other hand, enduring the transition period might be worth it in the long run.
Venturing into the unknown is a risk, a gamble. If I stay at Duke at least I know what I am in for. My life at Duke is greatly improved since the dreary days of first semester. I've made some incredible friends, experienced some phenomenal professors and become involved in some very exciting activities. I still cringe at certain elements of campus life, but I've learned to focus not on Duke as a whole, but on the Duke that surrounds me. Now that I've finally carved a niche for myself here am I crazy to want to leave?
In the next couple of days I must take a serious look at myself and my life at Duke. I must be wary of what my mother calls "the `grass is greener' syndrome" that inclines me to covet what I cannot have and I must focus on all I have going for myself here at Duke. I must try and ignore "the names," prestigious as they may be, of the schools I've gotten into and look at reality. No school is perfect. Much of one's college experience depends on the individual and what she makes of it. I cannot rely on external circumstances to dictate my personal happiness. I must act from within to mold my environment into one where I can thrive and grow. Is transferring a cop-out? Or by not transferring am I settling?
Although I am frustrated, confused and nervous about the decision I am faced with, I realize that I am fortunate to be able to be making a choice such as this one. Whatever choice I make, this time I must stick by it and not look back. I hope I will make the right one.</p>