I know this might not be the best place to write my post.However, I do hope you guys hear me out because I am bit worried about a underlying mental condition and I am questioning myself.So I am currently a college student at stony brook university. I didnt really enter the university through normal means. I got in through the EOP program. It wasnt exactly my dream college nor the exact means but nevertheless I got into college. My SAT was only a 1400/2400 sat (after years of prep) and I failed 2 of the 3 aps with 1s. I had a 85 gpa. However, I got a A- this semester and I am currently on the deans list. Taking advance calculus courses and writing courses as well as the most difficult CSE course in my college. I didnt change my habits or did anything normally aside from the independence I gained from my disabled mother(she is mentally ill). So I thought to myself what did I differently from high school and college aside from studying a bit more? I decided to take the original sat and the new sat by myself. However, this time it felt different. My reading comprehension was much better and the words didn’t look like a blur this time. My math skills were much better overall. I tested myself and I scored a 2100/2400 on the original sat(without any prep) and 1500/1600 on the new sat. It was a miracle and I thought to myself what was I doing during high school? I am only a year older and I am doing miraculously better on the sat in college than in high school. I also find that my emotional and social intelligence improved as well and felt like I had more control in my life/consciousness. I couldnt socialize(very socially awkward and recluse) nor could I do well in school no matter how much I tried. Did I miraculously cope with some form of autism or learning disability?Did I just needed more time to mature?Did I needed to move somewhere else in order to achieve true self realization? I need to find out what happened to me. I am more motivated in college because I am studying what I love but that was only thing that changed. Should I even retake the sat officially and transfer out?I made some good friends and I do not want to abandon them now. However, I do not want to live a life of regret too
I also feel like I want to turn back time and give me the same brain I had for high school too
I think you should be happy about yourself now. There’s a whole world lying out there. Seize the opportunities, work hard and rock the world!
You got into an excellent university through a selective program meant at finding students who have potential even if they have lived in hobbling conditions. Clearly, it saw that potential in you, and was right.
Keep working. Being a top student at Stony Brook will open many doors. (It’s well-known for stem excellence.)
It’s possible your mother’s condition and high school both hobbled you. It’s possible you just found your groove. You could go to the health /counselling center, ask a counselor for testing., or just talk to air out your questions and concerns.
Don’t forget that there are always roadblocks - your earlier life has taught you that when something happens, you know how to get going. Excellence and resilience will serve you well in your adult life.
I think you should stay put and continue to excel. It seems to me that you have matured. I was a wastrel at your age. I was put on academic probation at community college. It took me ages to grow up and get serious about college, but I finally did. If you are thriving and have freinds, if you like your college, if you can study what you want to study, why fix what ain’t broke? Stony Brook is a great school. Be a big fish in a small pond.
I don’t think you can overlook how living with a mentally ill parent could have effected your ability to cope with work and stress in high school. Congratulations on making such wonderful progress. I think you should stay at the college where you are having success and making friends. I would also recommend seeing if your college offers mental health counseling. Issues may arise for you as you continue to separate from your mother.
A couple jumped out at me from your post.
- Sounds like you moved out of what could have been a toxic home life
- You have developed a social support system you didn't have before.
- You may be eating differently because you are on campus or away from home (and that can have a significant effect on attention).
- The teaching style may be different at your college and allows you to do better which gives you the confidence you lacked when you took former high stakes tests.
- Your are simply older and may have matured.
My ASD soon, who never had academic issues but had severe social issues, had an almost miraculous change his last year of high school socially, which has continued on in college. So yes, sometimes it takes awhile to get there.
My ADHD son is starting to have a significant academic changes now that I have removed him from public school and homeschool him. The change in environment matters.
Congratulations. Go out and conquer the world.
I agree with many of the comments. Additionally, you physically have matured. Each year your brain will continue to develop. Around age 25 the area of your brain that helps with self-control will be fully on board.
Continue to choose healthy friends and lifestyle, as you clearly are already. Exercise outside each day (walk, jog, bike on safe trails). Find the psychology clinic and continue or begin a discussion about where you are currently, continue to enjoy your focus and classes. Eat healthy foods. Be patient with yourself if sometimes you make mistakes. We all make mistakes. You have your whole wonderful life ahead of you to continue to change and grow.