<p>My d is a junior, in all ap classes, good class rank-11, NHS, a champ irish dancer (not that that will do anything in her acceptance), BUT she never wants to talk about college. SHe said its because she doesn't know what she wants to do. I don't know how to advise her. Shouldn't we be at least talking about colleges by now? It's such a touchy subject- every time I bring it up she walks away frustrated. PLEASE HELP!</p>
<p>You'll have better success getting help on the parent's board with this question.</p>
<p>Maybe you could just about college in big, general terms such as does she want to stay close to home or does she want to go away? If away, does she have a maximum distance? Does she think she would like to go to a small, medium, or large school?
Does she think she would like to go to a public or private university?
When you have these questions answered, maybe you could start the research ball rolling yourself. When you find schools that fit her criteria, get some information for her. </p>
<p>Maybe she is just feeling pressured and needs you to help remove some of that. High achieving kids seem to just put so much pressure on themselves and need an outside source to tell them it's going to be okay.</p>
<p>My sister had a retired teacher tell her something once that took a lot of pressure off her son. He said, "You don't have to know what you want to do or be when you enter college. You just need to have an idea of what you like and what you don't like. It's also good along the way to recognize what you are good at and what you are not. The final decisions as to major can be made a couple of years into college".</p>
<p>i had exactly same problem with my son. it wasnt because he didnt know what he wanted to do, but because of finances. he wants schools like vandy, fordham etc and we just wont be able to do it and i was steering him towards schools with good merit aid or in state schools. he was extremely frustrated and angry. all i could do was totally back off (even though it killed me) then about 1 month ago he suddenly talked about a couple of colleges and we just booked a quick trip to look at 2 the end of this month. I think he just had to find his own time ...unfortunately some of the schools that wont be a possibility remain on his list so i just dont say much in response yet... i try to talk more about the ones that might work than the ones that wont.</p>
<p>I think it's still pretty early. Given her courses, she clearly sees herself on a college track. I took my son on a college trip last President's Day weekend (he's now a senior). Although he had a lot of fun on the trip and caught up with his Boston friends (we live in the Midwest) the college part was a bit of a bust- he really had no idea what to look for and wasn't totally focused. We made two big trips in the summer when he was seriously deciding on a list and whether to apply to any schools early. That trip was much more successful.</p>
<p>Also, if you're concerned, touch base with your daughter's counselor to reassure you that she's on track.</p>
<p>So many kids are like this, especially high achieving ones. They think they are supposed to have it all figured out, when all they need to do is start the process.</p>
<p>First thing is to make sure her testing dates are in order. The March SAT deadline is close, and that is a good one for most juniors to take (unless you are in a state that emphasizes the ACT.) If she has AP tests and will need SAT IIs, she'll want to save May and June for those.</p>
<p>She will get a jump start when her senior friends start getting lots of college letters around April 1. Before then, take her to a nearby campus for a dance concert or other art exhibition. Walk around and talk about the positives - it doesn't have to be about her, just give her a framework within which to start judging colleges. Don't take the campus tour if she's not considering the school. Soak up the atmosphere, eat at the cafeteria, and talk.</p>
<p>She does have time to make plans, but if her resistance continues, plan a more extensive trip to one or two schools and bring her friend this time. Nothing compares to peer involvement in getting these kids refocused.</p>
<p>My parents put the onus on me. They did not recommend universities or force a major on me, but they did set the expectations early on. By May of my Junior year, they told me that I had to come up with a list of universities that they would approve of and they were explicit as to what they would approve.</p>
<p>tell her that most kids have no idea what they want to do, and they are looking at colleges and shes going to end up settling for a lesser college than she is capable of if she doesn't get moving.</p>
<p>This is actually pretty common. You know how when you were a kid summer just seemed to go on forever and now it seems like it flashes by in an instant? What looks to an adult's eye like a project with a looming deadline - essays need to be written, tours need to be scheduled, tests need to be taken - looks to a teen like a faraway horizon filled with stress, overwhelming choices, and scary, potentially life shaping decisions. No wonder they avoid it whenever possible!</p>
<p>The college admissions process is as much about learning to nibble away at a big project on a timeline as it is about actually getting into college. I'm on child #3 (a junior) now and I've learned that my best role is to quietly provide an infrastructure that supports them. </p>
<p>We set aside some time for visiting colleges over the summer or early in the fall of senior year, starting with one or two local day trips to nearby schools to familiarize the student with what a college tour is like (I've now seen the local "safety" school three times and could probably give the tour myself.) I help schedule SAT test dates and prepare a spreadsheet with helpful information such as deadlines, etc at schools of interest. The child does the actual application and paperwork, but I will proofread if asked.
Essentially, I provide clerical services so that the child can focus on the important decisions.</p>
<p>Kid#3 has a specific academic interest in music, so we attended a performing arts college fair, which did help her clarify some of her goals. Now she's narrowed her geographic focus and has decided that a strictly conservatory environment is not for her. (Of course, she's also toying with not going into music at all, but that's a different story.) I don't know if a regular college fair would be helpful for your D, but my kids always liked to get mail from colleges, even ones they weren't especially interested in.</p>
<p>And of course, you can always hang around on CC, so you have answers to any question that comes up.</p>
<p>Buy one of the college guide books (Fiske's, etc.) and leave it out on a table. I bet you will find that your daughter picks it up and starts thumbing through it.</p>
<p>When I was her age, I was not at all interested in colleges either. In fact, I didn't apply to college until April of my senior year when most of the deadlines had passed. It wasn't that I felt that I would never go to college, it was that I wanted to have some life experience before I started college. This summer would be a terrific time for her to travel, volunteer or do anything that gets her out of the hometown.</p>
<p>Your daughter is typical. My son refused to take on the college search and resented me doing anything. However, I took him to visit 6 colleges, only one of which he wanted to visit. I find it interesting that he actually chose one of the ones I picked. In other words, sometimes they DO need some guidance and a little pushing to get the ball rolling. The hardest thing and the thing I pushed was choosing SOME kind of interest to narrow the list down for the visits. If your daughter truly can't do that then you can do two things: first, visit large universities that offer a variety of majors, but don't require a choice of major going in, and second, pick a major that corresponds with subjects you perceive your daughter as being good in or enjoying and visit some small schools that are strong in that major. She will get get to contrast large and small schools and if she chooses one of the small ones, perhaps it's because she recognized her interests after visiting. If you picked wrong on the interests then there will be time later to add another school to the list.</p>
<p>Why are you getting involved? I'm sure I'll be flamed on this board for posing the question, but it seems ridiculous of so many parents running their child's education search. It's only compounded by how many parents call me to talk about a student's performance in my class (which, by law, I can't discuss). </p>
<p>Let your student run her own life, dictate her own future, and be a responsible person. By pushing a student into college or walking her through the process, you're very likely actually stunting her maturation and growth. There's nothing wrong with advising or guiding, but pressure or "bird-dogging" is not a good idea.</p>
<p>It reminds me of all the screaming parents at my son's little league games.</p>