I need help with my college essay ^^

College Essays
1

<p>I'm way behind on this whole essay thing, I need help. At first I was going to base my essay on being bi-racial but then I thought about the situation I'm in but i'm sure colleges don't want to hear about how unmotivated I am. I just need helpful feedback.</p>

<p>This is what I have so far:</p>

<pre><code>It can be difficult to follow through with something without having a source of motivation. There’s almost a sense of hopelessness when one doesn’t have another there to guide them through and keep them going along the way. We all want to give up at one point or another in our lives. I have found that my time is now and every second has been consumed by shuffling through countless choices of colleges, scared to make the wrong decision and thinking of what could have and should have happened. The thing I need the most is the support from my parents.
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2

<p>Your introduction is very generic - I don’t mean to be mean, but I think it is pretty boring. Try varying the syntax and playing with the words a bit. Move away from cliched expressions and find something that it you - 100% you. Maybe start with a situation in which you faced at point-blank range what it meant to be bi-racial. If it helps, start in media res - show me your mind twisting and turning as it is “scared to make the wrong decision”, show me when you got down on your knees, thrust your arms in the air, and “want(sic) to give up at one point or another”. It is okay to say that you are unmotivated if that’s who you really are, but show me how you need the guiding lantern of light to lead you down your dim and blurred path of life. Hope this helps.</p>