<p>Prompt: Is it important to question the ideas and decisions of people in positions of authority?</p>
<p>Essay: In society today some hold the presumption that questioning their authorities is a crucial necessary move while others believe it is completely absurd; An attempt to altering the status quo has been a polemical topic. Thought it may seem blasphemous to attack authoritative ruling, it is the only way humanity learns and succeeds. "A Lesson Before Dying", Martin Luther King's movement, and a story of how my AP Calculus book all illustrate the neccesity of questioning our authority.
In the book, "A Lesson Before Dying, an African American, Jefferson, is placed in jail for a crime he did not commit; He was only charged because of his race. Although many were put in a dilemma, no one spoke up because they all believed that there was nothing to do. If all the people had questioned the authority, then Jefferson could have escaped this predicament.
In the 1960s, a man named Martin Luther King Jr. spoke out to the United States about racism. In some of his works such as "I Have A Dream" and "A Letter to Birmingham", King takes an uprise to the government's belief on racism. He spoke about how African Americans have waited too long for racism to end to only hear "wait". King's defiance against the government's values helped end racism and segregation. If King did not question his authorities, then segregation might be still alive today.
In my AP Calculus class many of the problems in the book felt abstruse because I would always check the back of the book and I was wrong. I grew tired of the being wrong, so I questioned my teacher if these answers were right. After speaking to my teacher, I realized that the answers in the back of the book were wrong. My class was also having a problem, so my teacher sent the books back in for correction. If I did not question the scholastic book, then many of the kids in my class room would have had trouble on the AP test.
"A Lesson Before Dying", Martin Luther King's movement, and my trouble with my AP Calculus book all demonstrate the potent power that can come out of questioning your authorities.</p>
<p>Comment: This is my first essay I have done for practice. It was definitely hard not to change the mistakes I could see while typing because they seemed so simple. With that being said, please grade my essay and give me a score. Tell me the pros and cons of my essay. p.s. I know " a lesson before ding is suppose to be underlined but college confidential would not allow me to underline. I underlined it in my essay. Thank you.</p>
<p>Remove all attempts at superfluous vocabulary for now; they are just weighing down your prose. Things like “polemical topic” and “blasphemous to attack authoritative ruling” are not used correctly, and they just hide your thesis from the grader. </p>
<p>Your examples are on topic but too vague to be convincing. “Although many were put in a dilemma, no one spoke up because they all believed that there was nothing to do.” Who are these people who were in a dilemma? Be more specific about their choices and actions- remember the prompt asked you to prove Importance. Jefferson could have “escaped this predicament”- you need to tell us the stakes to have us believe in the importance. </p>
<p>The text you are referencing is really “Letter from Birmingham Jail”, which the grader would know. Once again your example is too vague. “King’s defiance against the government’s values helped end racism and segregation”. He wrote a letter and the government reversed policy? Or are there a lot more concrete details to be added here?</p>
<p>The AP example could be strong but you havent written it in a powerful way. Emphasize the trouble the incorrect text caused the class. Emphasize the challenge to authority- the teacher didnt believe you a mere student could be right. You had to persist. </p>
<p>I’d say this essay is currently a 3- you have made an argument but the logic isnt strong enough to rate higher and several of your expressions are jarring (" King takes an uprise…").</p>
<p>@argbargy could you by chance score this next essay and see if i improved? </p>
<p>Prompt:Should people take more responsibility for solving problems that affect their communities or the nation in general?</p>
<p>Essay: In society today a plethora of civilians have the presupposition that the government should always assist the people, while others have the notion that individuals should be the only factor in altering their community. Although the government does righteously help many citizens, this is a path that will lead our nation away from prosperity. Too much help can turn humanity into a lethargic society. The movement of Eritrea fighting for autonomy, the novel “Gifted Hands”, and a current healthcare act called ObamaCare all illustrate that society should be more responsible for their problems.</p>
<p>In the 1970s a war broke out between the Eritreans and Ethiopians; the war was about Eritrean citizens wanting freedom from the tyrant nation Ethiopia. During the war, Ethiopian minutemen soldiers would run into Eritrean schools and massacre the children. It was through the Eritreans hard work and tenacity that allowed them to strive for freedom. Even though the war lasted for 30 years, the Eritreans kept pushing and did not grieve or ask for help. This illustrates the ability of Eritrea responsibility for their own problems.</p>
<p>In the book, “Gifted Hands”, based on a true story, an African-American named Ben Carson grew up in the ghetto city Detroit. Violence was always the key in this prodigious city, but Ben Carson did not follow that path. In fact Ben Carson became the world renowned neurosurgeon that succeeded in the first craniopagus, separation of two conjoined twins by the head. It was his consistent drive that allowed him to achieve success. Through his mindset of taking responsibility, Ben Carson was allowed to be the prolific neurosurgeon he was completing over 365 surgeries a year. </p>
<p>In current news, a healthcare act called ObamaCare has been set in placed. It has allowed free healthcare to patients who have had a pre-existing disease or injury before the previous healthcare act. This bill has eluded to many citizens that they can obtain free healthcare without working hard. With this healthcare act in place, the GDP of the USA will decline tremendously. This is allowing the government to spend money we do not have. This devoid of incentive from the citizens will destroy our nation with large debts. If these Americans took responsibility, then we would not need large healthcare acts that could deteriorate our nation.</p>
<p>Civilians should be more cautious about their responsibilities. This lack of responsibility mindset will hinder our nation and impede our natural growth and stop us from reaching our zenith. The war between Eritrea and Ethiopia, the book “Gifted Hands”, and the new healthcare act all demonstrate the need for incentive in citizens.</p>
<p>You do a good job on your thesis, which a lot of people seem to mess up for this prompt. You say that people should take more responsibility for solving problems because waiting for the government to do everything will make them lethargic. Its a stronger claim that what is usually seen for this prompt- which is usually just that people can be more responsive than government. </p>
<p>Your Ben Carson paragraph is a bibliographic summary but where is the contrast to the government? You need at least to show that he is doing something better than the government could. And for your thesis you should have addressed the lethargy aspect. I seem to remember his single mother being instrumental in raising him- perhaps that might have helped. </p>
<p>Eritrean independence is good but you need to emphasize how what the people did was superior to what the governmental solution was. Was the United Nations dragging it feet? Did Ethiopia offer unsatisfactory accommodations?</p>
<p>Obamacare comes closest to supporting your thesis, but it is problematic because none of this has happened yet. You cant have an example where you are the one predicting what might happen in the future. At best you might cite some study or institute making this assertion but it is still weaken by being something that hasnt actually happened. </p>
<p>You would have done better if your example was some study on welfare dependance- maybe the study showed the longer you are on welfare, the more likely you are to stay on welfare. There are some recent reports on extended unemployment benefits that might have helped you too. Another possible example is a local community clearing up its own litter but then becoming disinterested when the town buys a street sweeper truck to do it. </p>
<p>I liked your strong thesis, but you have to be careful that your examples are actually going to be able to substantiate your claim.</p>
<p>@argbargy can you tell me how the single mother in the ben carson story would help to elaborate that she took responsibility over the government? Also what would you score this essay? And is it smart to use a personal statement like the cleaning up committee? And what about making up a bit of information on the examples to make your claim stronger?</p>
<p>Lets supposed (and I havent read his autobiography in 15 years so I dont remember details) that his mother took menial night jobs so that she avoided welfare and yet was there when her children came home. She was a concrete representation to him of the value of ward work and honoring your responsibilities. And if he was tempted to take the easy way out and longue around collecting benefits or joining a gang, he remembered her sacrifice so that her children could get an education.</p>