Thank you. She said that I seemed pretty adamant that I wanted to go home and that it seemed to be in my best interest. I am still feeling very nervous about going home because although my mother understands, my father does not and he is very mad and thinks I’m making the wrong decision. It is very hard to talk to him because he has very strong opinions and gets angry very often which leads to yelling. I know that he is disappointed and I don’t know if I can face him
Sometimes it takes some time and finding yourself. I have had many teachers that have said that they hated their college first semester. They said what helped them find the “home” in the big college campus was a group of people in a club/organization or sport that they related with. It is about niche. Take a deep breath. You got this! :-*
I bet you will feel so much better about yourself if you hang in there, give it all you’ve got, and get through the first semester. Then, if you’re still feeling this way, you can choose to go home. But you can do this, and just even staying for one semester will bring you greater confidence. It would be awful to give up now, and be second-guessing yourself for the next few months “Did I do the right thing? Why did I leave so soon? I should have stayed!” Give it a chance! You’ll be stronger for seeing this through… and once you make a few friends, I think you’ll have a very different outlook. But, this is a very personal choice to make. Whatever you choose to do, be kind to yourself, and reach out for support. Good luck!
You should go see a doctor through the health plan at school. Since you have had these feelings prior you are feeling anxiety. It is nothing to be ashamed of. Since you have a short-time till school starts you might want to try being medicated temporarily. Then with counseling you can adjust medication free. Of course the person told you to go home since you didn’t let up. What other choice did they have?
Doesn’t seem like you will be happy at home either so you might as well make an attempt since you are already there.
Parents come back in a few weeks usually for a parents weekend. That is strategically planned by all universities for exactly the same reason you are stating. Again you are not alone. . Just take baby steps everyday. Try to meet people and try new clubs or things. One thing we told our kids is that college is about new beginnings. You don’t have to be this person. You can be anyone /thing you want to. When in doubt, ice cream is always good.
As many have said, most freshman have some homesickness.
This is because everything is new…new room, new bed, new friends, new food, new school, new teachers.
But soon this won’t be so new.
Colleges know this, so they provide support: Freshman orientation, Resident Assistants, Counseling Center.
So most kids feel pretty bad at first as this is their first time away from home. But they meet friends, join clubs, go to classes and make it through.
But some kids may have some underlying anxiety and depression which was under control at home…but with all these new things it is over whelming.
Some kids need to get medically evaluated and may be go on medications.
I think you need to continue to talk to your parents and make sure you and they know the financial consequences:
- Will you get all your tuition back?
- Will you get your room and board back?
- If you start college now and transfer you are no longer a freshman…usually that means you would not get any merit money at the next school.
- If you start now, you have to do well to be able to transfer.
- If you start now, you want to make it through and not withdraw and waste money.
So one scenario that might be good is if you do decide not to attend this college and not drop out/not do well this semster. Yes, your Dad might be disappointed but better than not making it through and wasting money with the extra disappointment.
Another is to decide that you can do this and use all the support systems at
school and to call your family often.
If you are at home, you are going to be around your Dad more…is that a good thing?
You will have to learn to Iset boundaries: "Dad, I understand you are disappointed. But after talking to the counselors they agree that it is in my best interest to not start college at College X this year. I want to succeed and I don’t want to waste your money…so I want to set my self up for success. "
Sometimes if you don’t know what to do, think about what “future you” would want.
Future you wants you to go to college and get a degree.
Future you wants you to have a good GPA.
Future you won’t worry about if you had to wait a year/semester to start college, because in the end you will be successful.
Current you is worried about your Dad, but that will pass.
Is it possible also that this college is a “better” college than the one at home and you’re feeling scared it’ll be too hard, that you won’t be good enough? Perhaps you’re putting too much pressure on yourself. Remember that on social networks everyone is excited and smiling but most are feeling just as scared as you are.
Say “yes” to everything that’s offered and sounds like “old you at home” would say yes to.
Don’t go home now - you may long for the feeling you had in high school, but high school’s done. It’s over. It won’t be “home” the way you experienced it in highschool - and it shouldn’t, since you can’t keep time still.
I’m not a college student but am a high school boarding student who felt the same exact thing… but on a different continent with a different language and people it’s hard to communicate with.
My main advice…
Go make some friends and be social!!! I assume you chose your current college for the reason of it being the most beneficial to you, and like you said, it’s a good experience and opportunity, so don’t waste it. (but no pressure)
Think of what you’re feeling as kind of a “culture shock”, and the cure is comfortability. Thus, go out and make this the best experience you’ve ever had and keep an open mind. Talk to new people, say yes to everything you’re invited to, be outgoing (and if you’re an introvert, fake it til you make it), and again KEEP AN OPEN MIND.
It isn’t a prison and isn’t a place where everyone is out to get you. It’s a place where everyone is welcoming, everyone wants to help you succeed, and is a place where other students are scared too.
Just go out, be yourself, say yes to everything, and make some friends.
BUT, if my advice was bad and didn’t work, then you can transfer later on, but don’t waste the opportunity
I know that feeling. I have hated starting every new job I’ve ever taken at first. Not because it’s awful (why would I have accepted a position if it was going to be awful?) but because it is all so new and I’m very uncomfortable. I’ve learned that about myself and now I just accept the fact that yep!, I’m gonna hate it now and later on I’ll love it. It just takes some time. The more things I’ve forced myself to experience the easier it has been (and I have more fun not to mention building confidence.)
The FASTEST way I’ve learned to get over that feeling (including when I was in college) and want a space to become “home” was to very purposefully explore my surroundings. Get a map. Poke your nose in all the corners. Know where everything is in your dorm (the bathrooms, the freight elevators, the laundry machines, the janitor closet–check it all out).
Go everywhere on campus. Explore big time. Visit all the buildings even if you don’t have classes there. Check them out. Find out where the theater is, the art museum, the gym–and hours/classes, the places to eat–poke your head in even if you don’t want to eat and check out the menu. Just go see it. Look at the bulletin boards and see what events are posted or clubs to join or what someone has for sale.
Check out the bus system–just go try it out with no particular goal in mind, biking trails, etc.
Make your dorm room comfortable for you–while dorms aren’t necessarily “homey” --a good comforter, a good pillow, some pix of your choice and good lighting will make it “yours”. Make it “your space” no matter how small or shared it may be. Get your favorite snacks. Have something to eat if you’re hungry. Get a small frig if you don’t already have one.
Once classes start you’ll find that even a big campus isn’t that large. You’ll see the same people every day in class (probably in the same seats so it’s easier to meet other students), the same people crossing the street at the same time every day (because of schedules), the same people on the bus at the same times. Your college world isn’t that big even at a big college.
Give it a chance at least. Drag someone with you to explore. Do it on your own. Tag along for sure if someone wants to check a spot out.
Oh i am so sorry. I agree spend time at the counseling center and medical clinic. Is there a religious leader you could talk to? Are you taking any class you like? Do you have a roommate or hall counselor? When is the refund deadline? Can you give yourself a couple days to attend class? Can you remember the reasons you chose this school?