I need help

Parents Forum
1

<p>My daughter finished school last week. She has juist been watching television hanging around the house. She starts with chemistry research job at NYU next week. How can I make her start looking into colleges?</p>

<p>Her stats are below</p>

<p>Stats:
Junior Black Female in NYC Public School
SAT:600M 600CR 500W
SAT II: 550
ACT:waiting for score
GPA: 92</p>

<p>Curriculum:
9th-Honors Geometry, Honors Biology, Global, Spanish 3,4, English, Art
10th-Honors Algebra, Honors Chemistry, Global, Spanish 5,6, English
11th-AP US History, Honors English, Physics, Math B, College Business Course, Medical Lab
12th- WILL BE AP Calc AB, Anatomy & Physiology,Government,Health, English....</p>

<p>ECs:
Altar Server (9,10,11)
School Step Team (10,11)
Church Youth Group (9,10,
Church Sunday School Assistant (9,10,11)
Church Choir (11)
History trip to Paris (10)
S-prep courses (chemistry) at Columbia University (10)
Volunteer in Dean's office at school (10,11)
Gateway Institute for Pre-College Education (9,10,11)
Worked in Pediatric Ward at hospital (9)
American Chemical Society Project seed (10& 11) (research lab)
Fashion Model
NAACP Act-SO Competition
Performer in Church Talent Show</p>

<p>Leadership:
Leader of Step Team in Fall</p>

<p>Awards:
Student of the month_Social Studies
Perfect attendance
Second Award and NAACP award at NYC Science and Engineering Fair </p>

<p>College
CUNY Hunter
SUNY Stonybrook & Binghampton, Albany
University of Rochester
NYU
Penn State
Cornell ALS</p>

2

<p>Send for catalogues. Pile them on her bed. It worked at my house.</p>

3

<p>I hope you won't take this the wrong way, but part of the problem may be that you already have developed a college list for her. Why should she "look at colleges" when Dad already has decided which colleges she should look at?</p>

<p>So, I'd recommend trying a different tactic - tell her that you're ready to support her by arranging visits whenever she's got her college list in hand. Then, try not to worry or push. Even kids who seem disinterested usually get interested once their friends start talking about colleges and applications early in senior year.</p>

<p>In the meantime, you could get a fresh copy of the Fiske Guide to add to that pile of catalogs on her bed. :) I also found that watching a variety of the video's from collegiatechoice.com helped my daughter get jump started --- they somehow were less threatening to her initially than actual college visits.</p>

4

<p>"most quickly become interested and motivated"</p>

<p>I didn't...I would have missed half of the deadlines if it weren't for my parents constantly nagging me about them...</p>

5

<p>Tanonev, :)</p>

<p>I see your point, but I also think that parental nagging can only go so far.</p>

6

<p>It's only the beginning of July. I would wait another week or two, then "suggest" that she start working on her essays, as doing a good job will take quite some time for thought. When you suggest that, it's likely that she will remember that she doesn't yet know what sort of colleges to apply to, so how can she write any essays. And, as in the book "If You Give a Mouse a Cookie", one thing should lead to another, but not necessarily in a linear fashion.</p>

7

<p>Heck folks, at my house we've already moved to the chair and the whip. Unfortunately the she-lion has wrestled both of them away from me.:eek:</p>

8

<p>I'd start slow, with some online tours of campuses. Have them loaded up and ready to go and just call her to the computer. I also like to print out the campus map so she can follow along. Good luck.She'll do fine.</p>

9

<p>How much of an issue is money? If she needs merit aid, she'll have to apply to schools with that available. Are you only paying a certain amount and she pays everything over that? If such is the case, then have that talk with her now (trust me, that is not an April-senior-year chat) AND give her a figure. If you want her to pay any difference (say everything over $80,000 total), then tell her that - and then go through the numbers. Once she is invested in the process, it will be easier to encourage her to start thinking about colleges. </p>

<p>Another approach: ask her what she wants in a college. Here are the starting points:
urban/suburban/rural?
*size of student body?
*liberal arts or engineering & business, or some of both?
*music/theatre?
*trees on campus a necessity?
*near home or away from home?
*racial/ethnic/socioeconomic make-up?
*liberal, conservative, apathetic?
*school that cheers on its football teams and tailgates?
*strength of alumni network?
*placement into grad/med/law programmes?
*intense core curriculum or something like Brown?
*highly competitive/intellectual, or a place where she can be a big fish?
*Then give her Fiske and the catalogues - of all schools. Help her sort geographically or by school size or by reputation. You already have a list; forget about it, ignore it, and pretend you never made it. Let her go through the catalogs and names of colleges. I have a few friends who weren't very invested in the process because they didn't know where to start (remember being in high school when college was a big mystery?) and thought that their parents had planned their next four years, no input welcome.</p>

10

<p>Paul-
I'd back off for a few weeks if I were you. Gosh- she just finished school last week, and she's going to work at a lab next week? I'd allow her a little down time to chill. A week of TV and sleeping in may be preferable to a week of shopping at Bloomingdales! :) You have a great opportunity right at your doorstep. You don't have to do anything just yet. If your d. is starting a research job @ NYU next week, she'll be immersed in the college experience. Even though it's the summer, there are students around, activities going on, etc. Will there be other students/lab assistants in her chem lab? Will she get to work directly with the professor? My s. had a similar opportunity at a local universitythe summer afte his soph. yr, and couldn't BELIEVE how much better he enjoyed being around college students than HS students. The cohesiveness. cameraderie, support, etc in a stimulating environment was immediately noticeable. No pettiness, childish nonsense in the lab-- just a bunch of bright, motivated folks who got along great. What a treat. He loved it, and it got him even more charged up about college. </p>

<p>I see that you d. has already had some medical lab experience. Was that also in a university setting, or is this her first on campus opportunity? If it is, I think you'll see the motivation to look into colleges kick up a bit once she gets a taste of the campus experience. At the very least, her daily activities will give you things to talk about around the dinner table, which you can steer towards the college discussions.</p>

<p>If all else fails, then you can be a nag. For now you have the opportunity to be excited with her, not for her. Give that a try first, and keep us posted.</p>

11

<p>At our house, we made it a fun family game. </p>

<p>To start off the search, we asked D the kind of questions that ariesathena mentioned above, put together a list of likely suspects, and then gathered around while little sister read out of Fiske about the colleges mentioned. </p>

<p>D would give give the school a thumbs up, thumbs down, or a shrug--meanwhile, everyone was making comments about the stuff written and how it either did or didn't fit my D. But it was all done with lots of laughing and good humor, but it did get her to start thinking about the things that appealed to her in a college.</p>

12

<p>paulchem, </p>

<p>My D needed a bunch of nudging. When she was a junior we bought her the Fiske guide and it sat unopened on her nightstand for months except for when my S (then 12) decided he'd like to check out some colleges. (<em>yelling down the hall</em> "Mom, have you ever heard of Deep Springs? It sounds cool.")</p>

<p>In retrospect, I realize my D had lots of anxiety about leaving home. She has never been great at transitions, even as a toddler. She tends to just wipe stressful things from her mind. The idea of leaving home was stressful, so she wiped the whole college hunting process from her mind until we finally (pre-senior summer) pushed her to focus.</p>

<p>What I did to jump start it:</p>

<p>-talked to her generally about size, urban/rural, etc-- ariesathena's list is perfect. We also knew she'd need a D3 school to continue her sport.</p>

<p>-I went through the Fiske & "Colleges That Change Lives" and put post-it notes on the pages of a variety of schools that were within her academic/stat level (reach, match, safety) that I thought might be appealing. I chose some that matched the things we'd discussed and others that were a bit different, just to see. So rather than having to attack a thick book 350 colleges, she started with the 40 or so I had 'tagged.'</p>

<ul>
<li> I told her to highlight the items in the description of these 40 that she found appealing or unappealing. </li>
</ul>

<p>-Then we talked about the ones she dinged, and why, as well as the ones she liked, and why. Based on these talks other schools came to mind and she looked at them too.</p>

<p>This was helpful because stuff I would not have imagined WAS important to her. Turns out her biggest "non negotiable" was for 95% of the students to live on campus all four years. She wanted that "community" feel, it kept popping out at her. She initially wanted an urban school, but few of the urban schools had this on-campus aspect. Initially, she wanted a larger school, but again, few offered the intimacy she was drawn to in the various descriptions. So her vision evolved towards suburban LACs.</p>

<p>By this point she was off and running with her own opinions. Occasionally (particularly in identifying the safeties) I would lob a suggestion her way for her to investigate. </p>

<p>-Finally, we did have her meet with a private college counselor who got her rolling on apps, deadlines, UC apps, getting teacher recs, etc. This was not a major, expensive program-- it ran about $300 for 2-3 sessions and some email help. But it became a more professional thing for my D, rather than mom continually yammering at her. She really liked the counselor and got cracking.</p>

<p>I think there is time for your D to decompress from the school year and veg a little, but it IS important to explain to her that the research process takes time, the winnowing process takes time, visits are increasingly hard to schedule, and apps must go in within 5-6 months. She'll also soon have school to contend with. So it is wise to get started.</p>

<p>My D rolled her eyes a lot during summer '04 but by Dec '04 when all her friends were freaking out she was quite thankful she was finito.</p>

13

<p>My advice is different. When she's working in that lab, every single person she's working with is going to ask her about her college plans. Let her develop her own answers and listen to their advice. She's more likely to hear it when it comes from the non-parental sources!</p>

<p>If she's still lukewarm in mid-August, then start nagging.</p>

14

<p>Check out the library...There are lots of books about choosing a career, choosing a college, paying for college, or preparing for college. If you check a couple out (for yourself) at a time, and leave them in obvious spots around the house, it might allow discussions to start. Be sure to read the books yourself! It is important to be educated in what you are encouraging your daughter to undertake. I was able to check out older copies of the Fiske guide and other similar books from my public library (the newest copies were for use in the library only) but until you know basics about what she wants to study, how far she wants to go away, and financial issues, why buy a book that might not help? I did buy the USNews special College Issue, because I did find that helpful and easy to skip through...</p>

<p>We found that our library even carries prep books for ACT/SAT tests, MCAT, etc. and that they were available for checkout! Very helpful!</p>

15

<p>Mid-August? Isn't that when you start getting brochures for ED/EA schools?</p>

16

<p>Dmd - Ooooo...great suggestion. I bet you are absolutely right about the people in the lab asking her about colleges.</p>

<p>SBMom's suggestions are also excellent, especially the part about bookmarking the Fiske Guide. This is just what I did with my daughter but I made sure the bookmarks included a bit of variety in terms of size, location, etc. It did make the book more managable for her, although, to be honest, none of the schools that have made it to her final list were among the ones I originally bookmarked! :)</p>

<p>One thing I would add if you are going to go the guidebook route is to use the FISKE guide and avoid the Princeton Review. The PR tends to include more negative information (some of which may or may not be true) than the Fiske Guide so I'd hesitate to give it to someone who may be a little leery about college hunting to begin with.</p>

17

<p>if this is a parent asking about what to do because their child is disinterested in the college process right now, take my advice, or listen to my perspective as i have went through it (i was the kid):</p>

<p>The first month and a half of summer, it really just hasnt kicked in. You just finished your junior year, are burned out from Sat2s and Sats and Acts and Aps and Finals and Final Projects, that you still are in that "high school mode" and havent really given as much thought about your future and college, thinking that it is still far away.<br>
The best thing is to decide on a couple plausible majors, like 2 or 3 close by schools, and start off there. make them different types of schools or whatever, and not much work to get to (an hour drive/ a couple hour visit and thats it) slowly it'll start to sink in that this stuff is coming up. After that, once you get to this point, just watch your daughter plow through those applications.</p>

<p>The whole point is to not directly force this crap onto the person, when was the last time you could think creatively for an essay when you kept on getting nagged by another person (5 months before the due date). Once your daughter sees her friends going to such great places, it'll all come together.</p>

18

<p>Khan, thank you for taking the time to give some excellent advice to us parent-types.</p>

19

<p>We are still slow to engage here too. BUT!!! Last night D2 started talking about how "everyone is leaving".....Things are going to be different. Boy friends, team mates, lab partners, alot of her support system changing.
I think she's slowly getting the big picture as she is finally talking about East Coast visits, setting dates, doing some on line research. She's confused and (I believe), terrified ( another kid anxious about major transitions), but not excited yet. This is a kid who will take the rejections personally, no matter what we tell her.
The experienced voices of Carolyn and Ariesthena help keep me centered.</p>

20

<p>I don't want to leave anybody out---ALL the experienced voices of the parents forum keep me sane. Thanks again for being there.</p>