<p>I'm a senior and I can't find motivation to study or do homework. I've been caring less and less lately. it's not even senioritis. I don't even want to be here anymore. I just want to get out of here and never come back. I know this is going to hurt my job hunting very much, but that still not enough for me. I had a rough freshman year, brushed it off sophomore year and got 3.5 in both semesters, and whatever I had my freshman year started to come back my junior year, and took me by the throat last semester, and now i feel far worse than I ever had in my life. my GPA has fallen for three straight semesters, but I don't care anymore. I don't even know if I have any friends. I know people consider me a friend, but I don't consider them a friend. I say hi and everything, eat lunch with them on occasion, but I don't enjoy their company. I really wish they left me alone. </p>
<p>I wasn't always like this. Back in high school, I worked studied, had people i considered friends, did sports, passed AP calc, and AP lit, and AP hist, and finished top in my class. I was the happiest person ever back then. Freshman year, I joined clubs, and talked to everyone, and made friends. But I guess the culture change from my old neighborhood to college was far too much for me to handle, and I turned inward. I think it all started after thanksgiving my freshman year. I had had all A and B in mu classes at midterm then, but i finished off the semester with all Bs. then my second semester I nearly failed two classes and got Cs and Bs in the others. Sophomore year, I felt different. I think spending an extended period of time back home really lifted me. And getting them A's did me quite well too. I don't know what did me in junior year. I just started feeling awful again. I still worked hard back then but my grades still fell. Same in the spring. I'm guess so much of my effort was futile, I just stopped caring. And it doesn't help that I'm stuck in the funk. I'm the only one of my friends from the old neighborhood that went to college (or didn't drop out), and they think the world of me. I see old teachers and classmates here and there and they think the same thing. I feel so ashamed i can't even look them in the eye. I have 2.99 now, and I'm not sure if I can get a decent paying job. My friend's father offered me a job as a painter if college didn't work out, and I'm afraid I may have to take it, although the pay's good, but I need to get a better job!</p>
<p>To remedy the situation, I'm going to prep for the marathon in the fall. I ran one senior year in high school. And besides, I need to shed my freshman 50 and fit my suit again. I hope it will do me well. it does make me feel better after typing this out lol</p>