<p>Hi well I guess I can see why someone might think I was that person, since I just looked up the link and see that we do have/had similiar situations. I didn't read them all obviously because that was a very very long post. However, to set the record straight, I am not her.</p>
<p>On-campus counseling can be extremely helpful, and I'm guessing your university has a top notch service. My son has entered into counseling this year, his junior year. He was reluctant at first, but hit it off quite well with the therapist he was assigned to. Lots of students around him (more girls than boys, I gather) talk quite freely about their counselors, and he recently told me he's glad he, too, has this weekly boost.</p>
<p>My S had a similar addiction to World of Warcraft his freshman year which resulted in horrible grades and not fully engaging in college life. While home over the summer, we had him seek counseling with a person we also dealt with on how to handle the situation. What I think helped all of us the most was actually drawing up a contract between our S and us that set out our expectations for him both in terms of grades, employment and engaging in college life. In turn, we made a commitment to support him financial and emotionally. Somehow this made it real to him that he would have to change or would be supporting himself with only a high school education. He had to be the one to make the choice, but about a month into the summer he gave up WWC. He began to see how the game kept his friends from engaging in social activities. He's back for his second year at school and hopefully he will achieve the success we know he's capable of. When I spoke to the Dean of Students at his school, he told me this story was not unusual. It is very scarry to think so many of our bright young people are holing themselves up in a room living in a world that disappears at the flip of a switch. As I told my son, real friends don't go away when the power goes out.</p>
<p>The similarities with ctmom3 are overwhelming right down to the older male relative coming into the picture to try to help and the response suggesting that maybe this is a sign that he's not ready for college. If it's not you, then I suggest that 4boyz1gal go back and read ctmom3's posts and advice from posters. If it is ctmom3 using a different name, go back and read our suggestions with the rose colored glasses removed. This time around, you may be less judgemental about our responses and more able to see the situation as others see it.</p>
<p>Get help for yourself. Your son is 18 and legally not under your control. It's an expensive lesson but until you cut your ties and allow your son to deal with the consequences of his actions, you're not helping. Let him fall. Let him fail. Until he realizes that this is an issue in his life, he will not see the need in getting help. Address it once, step back, and let him take ownership of his life--good and bad.</p>
<p>I agree that this is the same poster. The writing styles are alike. So what? It won't be the first parent to have trouble facing the reality of a situation. Many of us have been there.</p>
<p>It's very clear from 4boyz' writing style and problem-solving style that she is not the same person who started the previous thread. There's nothing in common there.</p>
<p>4boyz - I just want to send you good wishes. It must be very hard to figure out how to deal with a situation like this from a distance. I hope your father's intervention will help - from what you describe of their relationship, it very well might, since the game-playing hasn't been going on for very long. It could be that the beginning-of-the year anxiety that triggered the game-playing has already died down as your son has begun to get used to his new environment, and if he is jolted back out of the game-playing he'll be able to get on track with school. I hope so! Good luck to all of you.</p>
<p>Cross-posted with above :-).</p>
<p>Your son sounds a lot like me...during my high school years, I used to be addicted to xbox and played hours on end. I recently started college and is very hard for me, but I'm managing...just help him realize where his priorities stand.</p>
<p>I would get in touch with the RA ask for the counselling/mental health services. Most schools have freshman deans that are equipped in helping freshman adjust. You can call and speak to the mental health counselor and share your concerns, they in turn may seek your son out, but that is as far as you can go with them. HIPPA regulations and that he is legal make it more difficult for you unless it is determined he is incompetent to make decisions. But I agree that he has to want to get help and has to unfortunately step up to get that help. Best of luck to you.</p>
<p>Contacting his RA sounds like a good idea to me. The RA can guide your son to counseling on campus after easily verifying your suspicions about gaming. This sounds better than waiting for him to fail, if the RA can help, great; if not, know you have done what you can. This sounds like something an RA was put in the dorms for- helping freshmen adjust to college life and knowing where they can get help when things go wrong, as evidenced by skipped classes.</p>
<p>wis75 and milkandsugar are right, you need to get him to some sort of counselling, RA or university services. You might contact those to "look in" on him.</p>
<p>
[quote]
If it is ctmom3 using a different name, go back and read our suggestions with the rose colored glasses removed. This time around, you may be less judgemental about our responses and more able to see the situation as others see it.
[/quote]
Is there perhaps a reason some suggestions weren't considered helpful? Mean-spirited comments, when a person is struggling, are not necessary.</p>
<p>Boomersooner-- this is a great line
[quote]
As I told my son, real friends don't go away when the power goes out.
[/quote]
</p>
<p>How's the grandfather going to 'take away the game'? Your S is 18 and the grandfather can only ask for the game which your S may choose to give up or not. </p>
<p>It'll be tough but there are a few courses of action here - </p>
<ol>
<li><p>Ask that he give up the game. He may or may not comply.</p></li>
<li><p>If you're paying for his college tell him you'll no longer pay unless he gives the game up since with the game he's not putting in a reasonable academic effort (since you say he's skipping classes).</p></li>
<li><p>If he keeps playing, skipping classes and HW and test studying he may end up flunking out or on academic probation. Maybe at this time it'll click in his brain that he needs to change his behavior.</p></li>
</ol>
<p>Just curious - since you recognized this problem while he was in HS why did you let him have a game then? That was the time he was more under your direct control.</p>
<p>Watch out ucsd<em>ucla</em>dad. Posters will call you "mean spirited" if you suggest the obvious.</p>
<p>ucsd<em>ucla</em>dad's comments were polite and appropriate, not judgemental or offensive.</p>
<p>Well, just spoke with my father and things went actually pretty well. Needless to say my son was shocked when he saw my parents at his dorm door, there was no forewarning and my father said the first 20 min. or so he was very defensive, somewhat flippant and not backing down, when my dad asked for the system and game, he didn't comply at first, but then my dad saw it and took it and my son did not react. They then proceeded to have a long 2 hour talk and then went out for a late lunch to continue. </p>
<p>It was hard for me to hear this, but prior to my dad leaving he said he wasn't' optimistic, he said what someone above did that at 18, he could choose to not hand it over or not comply. My dad said to his surprise, that he was surprised that things went the way they did...that he seems to have opened up to the conversation when maybe he realized he didn't have a choice. My dad is fantastic and was has a strong relationship with him. My parents left about an hour ago, and left with the system and game and more importantly, left feeling satisfied with the turnout. </p>
<p>My dad told him, that he will receive 20.00 a week as an "allowance" for small incidentals, otherwise he is to use the college card for food,bookstore,etc.....we cannot at this point trust him with large sums of money, the temptation would be too great.</p>
<p>My dad helped stress the importance of just why he is there, and how important beyond studying and getting good grades, that meeting new people and getting to know everything around him is. He said being addicted to this game in his dorm room will not allow him to branch out the way he should. My son was a cross country runner and really enjoyed it 9th through 11th grades. My dad bought him a pair of running shoes and it was agreed that he would start running and/or using the gym track. His college has an incredible gym facility.</p>
<p>So....while I know the problem is not over, we still need to address the addiction issue. I am not sure an RA is the one to deal with this. Do you think I should call student services and explain the situation and let them reach out to him? Is that how it works?</p>
<p>I have 2 others in college but frankly have not once ever had to deal with anything like this so I am a complete novice. Let me know what you think I should do at this point.</p>
<p>Thank you for the advice and input.</p>
<p>Your dad sounds like a really caring and involved grandpa.</p>
<p>My only advice is this - I notice that your story includes what your dad said and did, but not much from your son's perspective. In your shoes, I think a good next step might be to ask your son what he's thinking and feeling about what's going on, and try to listen without judging or problem-solving. It might be helpful for both of you.</p>
<p>The RA is just another student so don't expect the RA to perform as a trained counselor or psychologist. Consider convincing your S to seek out the counseling staff to discuss any issues he might have. It's really up to him at this point to do so - not you.</p>
<p>Ooops I left that out and yes my dad is an incredibly devoted and compassionate person, dad and grandpa....my sons feedback was at first very belligerent (on top of being surprised he was still sleeping when they got to his dorm, so no doubt very caught off guard) I guess as he started to wake up, he saw where my father was coming from and told him that contrary to what I am thinking, that he is attending every class and on top of things. </p>
<p>He said he understands the need to prove himself to us and agreed to do this over the first semester. The two plus hour talk sounds like it was effective and maybe made some sense to my him, my dad says in the end, he was laughing, smiling and then I said "Dad, did you get the feeling maybe he was almost relieved that he didn't have the game and that you took it from him"? And he said that yes, he did get that feeling which I think is interesting and telling on my sons part. </p>
<p>They parted ways with a big hug and understanding, he told my dad he will be calling me tonight and since then I have told my oldest son the whole story with whom he is pretty close (but he goes to college in Ca) so he is going to give him a call as well later on.</p>
<p>I am going however to contact someone tomorrow in the counseling center about this and see what they can do or offer to do on his behalf.</p>
<p>ucsd, exactly why I am not thinking the RA is the person to go to. My eldest son was an RA and as great of a kid as he is, I would not consider him equipped to deal nor would want him to take on the responsibility of dealing with such a serious issue. I think the counseling center is the right contact.</p>
<p>"I am going however to contact someone tomorrow in the counseling center about this and see what they can do or offer to do on his behalf."</p>
<p>Having been a counselor at a college's counseling center, I predict that they will tell you that unless your S approaches them for help or is a danger to himself or others, there's nothing they can do. Consequently, your S needs to go to the counseling center to get help for himself, and then he'll need to comply with treatment.</p>
<p>Please get counseling for yourself from a therapist experienced with working with addicts. Not only will this provide emotional support for you, but it also will help you learn about addictions and what things you may be able to do to help your S.</p>