<p>I graduated last June. The fall of last year, I applied to about 10 schools (public and private) and got in everywhere, including my top choices, Bard and Lewis and Clark. But in the spring I had horrible regrets about where I should have applied, like more east coast liberal arts colleges. My family is not eligible for need-based financial aid and even though I got a scholarship to Bard I couldn't go there or Lewis and Clark. I don't know what I was thinking, but I picked a state school out of state that is still too expensive for my family. Over the summer, the depression and anxiety that I had been struggling with for years with this process kind of just blew up in my face. I became very ill and deferred my admission. I'm now at home, working, and I'm still very angry and sad that I can't go to liberal arts college. I know it's stupid and that I should just get over it and go to a big public school but that is not at all what I want. I don't know what to do anymore, I know I'm wasting time. I am seeing multiple therapists but ultimately this decision is on me. I missed the early action deadlines for some schools that I know I can get into but would need merit aid to attend and I feel horrible about it. I did great in high school, 3.96 gpa, fours and fives on all my AP tests, 2100 on the SATs, president of lots of clubs, but I can't seem to pull myself out of this. Later this year I have plans to travel and do some volunteering but right now I'm just so caught up in this net of which college I go to. I can't get over it and I don't know what to do. I live in California, if that makes a difference. I would really love to go to school in the Pacific Northwest (my deferred enrollment is at Western Washington University but I want to major in International Studies/Relations and they don't really have a program in that) but private school is out of the question unless I get significant merit aid. My mom is depressed and guilt trips me about this all the time, making me feel like she doesn't want me to go anywhere at all or just community college and live at home. I guess I just want some advice from someone who has perspective on this kind of thing on what to do next, and how to stop feeling so bad about myself and the situation I have put myself in. I constantly worry that it's too late to do anything and that if I don't come up with the money to go to a small LAC that I won't be happy. I wish more than anything that I could find a way to make it work but my family is middle class and we just can't and I don't know how to accept that.</p>
<p>I sent you a PM</p>
<p>[International</a> Studies Center](<a href=“http://international.wwu.edu/default.aspx]International”>Western Washington University International Study Center: Study in America)</p>
<p>[WUE</a>, Western Undergraduate Exchange -](<a href=“http://admissions.wwu.edu/tuition/t_wue.html]WUE”>http://admissions.wwu.edu/tuition/t_wue.html)</p>
<p>OK, I can’t address your depression, but here is the advice I would give my kids. Mopping and what ifs and feeling sorry for your self are not going to get you where you need to go. So lets decide what to do right now. How do I get where I want to go. </p>
<p>Do your research. Find the schools that have the program you want and then start looking at the type of aid, if any, they offer. Once you have a list, probabaly a long, long list of schools start researching the other touchy feely factors that you think are important to you. Unfortunately, you don’t have a lot of time if you want to get in for Sept 2012. I would think you would be able to find some schools that will become affordable with merit. Focus on your intended program of study, forget about prestige, and name recognition. There are some great professors at less prestigeous schools. If you have to, maybe you need to do two years at a local cc and then transfer. Absolutely nothing wrong with that, if it gets you to your goal. </p>
<p>All of us hit bumbs in the road, those that suceed learn from them and move on. Good luck, do your homework, you will find a school.</p>
<p>“but private school is out of the question unless I get significant merit aid.”
Well, shoot an App to USC, as you may very well get merit aid there. But do it SOON, as in before DEC 1, as that is the deadline for merit scholarships. Get going! Your GPA puts you in the ballpark , and 30 % of USC students receive merit scholarships. 60 % receive FA. Were you a NMSF?
USC has a great International relations Dept . Time to widen your focus beyond LAC’s</p>
<p>If you like Bard and L&C so much, a small public that probably would appeal to you is Evergreen State in WA. </p>
<p>You have lots of options - try not to put so much pressure on yourself. It’s OK to have a bumpy start to college, but you’ll get there soon. Hang in there!</p>
<p>At some point you just have to bite the bullet, apply and THEN see how the financial aid pans out. You won’t get financial aid to any colleges unless you apply!</p>
<p>Two thoughts for you:</p>
<p>You may be “in the habit” of being in a rut. Here’s some things to stop:</p>
<p>1) Late night internet browsing. Get “Freedom” or other software installed that turns you off at midnight and then go to bed.
2) Internet surfing in bed. Use a desk and a timer so the whole day doesn’t get sucked up. Use the bed for sleeping. </p>
<p>Here’s some things to start:
- Abundant exercise. This increases blood flow to the brain and helps you feel alive.
- An attitude of gratitude. Be aware that there are people begging on street corners and starving in the Sudan. Be appreciative of all your life blessings. Food. A roof. A bed. Clothes to wear. Start verbalizing your appreciation to your parents.
- Help out. Every day you should be cooking a meal or cleaning up after. Help with laundry, paint a room, clean the bathroom, sweep the walk. You’ll feel happier for contributing.
- Get “green” time. Instead of vegg-ing in front of a TV or screen, get outside with a book or go for a walk. Being outside helps the mind settle. </p>
<p>One of our sons is at Western. It is a fine, small college. It is friendly and a happy place. With your stats, you should be able to re-enroll when you are ready. We are also very familiar with Lewis & Clark, which is also a fine, small NW college – but far more expensive than WWU. </p>
<p>So, you made some great choices – but I get a little miffed at you with your "all or none " attitude. </p>
<p>You are limited by your family finances. So are many. Quit whining. Start with a couple local courses that sound interesting and make sure they are from an accredited college or community college. Both WWU and Lewis and Clark accept transfer credits. </p>
<p>Get off the couch and start moving. Your mother may be right that you don’t have the maturity and stability to successfully do college far away. So start closer. The maturity and stability can come as you move along. </p>
<p>The Pacific NW isn’t going anywhere. You can do a year where you are (dealing with the medical issues) and you can come up in a year – You can also apply to work in OR or WA for a summer job (our summers are fabulous – winters can be dreary). Consider applying for a National Park or summer resort job where you would be in a beautiful place (natural beauty helps the mind).</p>
<p>You’ve had thirteen years in which the next step was obvious (what comes after fourth grade? Fifth grade!). Now you are in a spot where the next step isn’t obvious and you are stuck wallowing. </p>
<p>What’s a bit ironic is that there is (I promise) a teen somewhere in WA or OR who hates, hates, hates the winter rain and is pining for sunny CA. Laugh at the irony and get moving. </p>
<p>And, dear one, shelve that “International Relations” bit for the moment. Sure, it’s a great path to imagine. But, for right now, you need some baby steps that get you moving. Work on learning Spanish/other languages and building skill sets and independence and then there will be opportunities to go overseas in time. </p>
<p>Basically, quit waiting around for the “perfect” fit of major, money, climate, and everything else on your wish list. If you start reading material on “procrastination” you’ll find that worries about attaining perfection are often central to the anxiety that makes procrastination happen. Read “The Now habit” as a starter. </p>
<p>So, less pursuit of perfection, more housework and motion. Try it for two weeks and see if that doesn’t help. I suspect it might help a LOT. Good luck.</p>