<p>okay, here's my situation.
i am a freshman at a large state university that i never really wanted to go to. i got into several other state and private schools - notably Ohio State, ASU, and Gonzaga. none of my financial aid packages from them were that great, but going to my current university i would receive free tuition.
this university is about 20 minutes from where i grew up, and 90% of my graduating class attends it. i promised myself my whole life that i would never go there, but when push came to shove, the expense was so great that my parents strongly encouraged me to go here. i dreaded it all last summer but promised myself i would make it work.
now, in october, i really hate it. it feels exactly like high school - only i live next to my classes. it's worse than high school. half of the students are commuters and it doesn't feel like a real college experience at all. people are all still settled in their cliques from high school and are not at all looking to make new friends. every club i've tried to join has ended up being a small group of old friends who rejected newcomers. in the dorms, people are looked at crazy if their doors are left open - everyone shuts their doors and does not socialize. people, in short, are not nice and i have had an extremely hard time making friends.
my classes are beyond easy and boring. i have a very hard time getting out of bed in the morning. i am the only one of my best friends that stayed in state, and i regret it everyday. my family moved to another country shortly after graduation and will be there for at least another year. i have worked myself into this state where i cry every night and dread waking up in the morning.
what i want to know is.....is every college like this?? did i just come in expecting too much? is every college the same as mine and everyone just doesn't talk about it? does the college experience i imagined not really exist?
i've been looking at colleges night and day to transfer into, because i don't know if i can take another year here. will transferring give me the experience i feel like i've been denied?</p>
<p>I’m guessing you probably go to Kent State or some other university in Ohio’s public university system. What schools are you thinking about transferring to?</p>
<p>If you really hate it, and you are also willing to challenge your parents, by all means, transfer! But, there comes the problem of money, however… Are you willing to put yourself into debt to receive the college experience that you were denied? You can’t have it go both ways.</p>
<p>I advise that you go home for a weekend and discuss this with your folks. Do not transfer without consulting them at first, unless you are willing to finance an education all by yourself or force your parents into a hole of debt with you. </p>
<p>Good luck.</p>
<p>Is every college like this? Well, I think that the freshman experience is highly overrated. Both of my kids were well-prepared and found their freshman classes to be quite easy. Now this is not necessarily a bad thing - it will get harder so enjoy the boost to your gpa. Both of my kids also were annoyed at the childish freshman antics around them. They like to socialize/party as much as anybody, but they don’t want to see people drunk and vomiting and stupid. Also, regarding the social aspect: I would suggest that you join a group or two to meet some like-minded people. You don’t need a bunch of friends to be happy, only a few good ones.</p>
<p>You are still in the adjustment phase…I would give it a little more time and effort. You imagine that some other school will be wonderful, but it probably will have similar problems too. If you can’t adjust after a semester, I would talk to your folks about transferring.</p>
<p>Ah, jeez. Going to a school you don’t want to go to is NEVER good…whether or not the school is actually that bad.</p>
<p>Please, whatever you do, GET GOOD GRADES. No matter how down you get, no matter how easy you think the classes are, go to class. Do your work. BURY yourself in your work if you have to. Because it is NOT worth it to do poorly in your classes, no matter what. </p>
<p>I slugged through freshman year and got decent grades - As and Bs - but then it just went downhill from there because I “lost steam” from being unhappy and not enjoying my experience. Now, I am a senior and I have NO options left for me. I can’t transfer to anywhere better. I’m not going to get a good internship or job. My college is experience is over, ruined, and wasted.</p>
<p>Let me suggest to you what I WISH I did. </p>
<p>Do all you can to stick it out this year - FIND the people who care. You will find them. It may be hard, but they are there. You are not the only one. Join political activist clubs, multicultural clubs, outdoors clubs…anything that will attract the kind of people you are looking for (intelligent, passionate, down to the earth). Go to more than 1 meeting. Go to more than 2. Sometimes it takes several to really meet people. Talk to people in your classes…find the people who seem smart, who seem nice. </p>
<p>If that fails, I suggest in January/March start looking into AmeriCorps. AmeriCorps NCC will pay for your food, housing, and give you a stipend for college. It’ll be a nice change of pace from school, it’ll look good on your resume, and you’ll earn some cash. You can request a leave of absence for a year. </p>
<p>Then maybe with some extra money in your pocket and good grades you can transfer to a school you feel is a better fit…transferring can be hard though and it’s not necessarily going to make you happier. It really depends on how thoroughly you have exhausted all opportunities at your current school. This school could seriously suck. Or you could just not be in the right frame of mind (depressed, etc.). With that in mind maybe look to a counselor or therapist to see if you are looking at things with an open enough mind or if you are experiencing a bout of depression (sounds like you may be, if you’re crying yourself to sleep).</p>
<p>But yeah, some people have crappy college experiences, to answer your question. Not everyone…some people are lucky and get exactly what they want. They have parents who can pay for anything and they get into their top choice. Some people don’t care too much about where they go/aren’t expecting much. But unfortunately that’s life…you won’t always get the girl you want, the job you want, or whatever. The only thing you can do is make the best of what you have. If you don’t, then you will really be up a creek with no paddle, as they say. Good luck. </p>
<p>Whatever you do, if you start to feel yourself slipping or unable to go on DO NOT give in. Or, take a structured break. Whatever happens don’t let your GPA suffer. If you are depressed, get the help you need…start winter break and if you need to take off next semester, do.</p>
<p>i actually go to the university of new mexico lol.
lfk - that’s definitely another factor, like your kids i’m not into the party/drinking scene at alll. i feel like that’s another part of the ‘freshman experience’.
umcp - the americorps idea is definitely something i haven’t considered but might be really good for me! i was an AP student all throughout high school, so i feel like i’ve had the college workload for years, maybe a break would be an extra kick i need.</p>
<p>it just feels like socially there is no place for me here. every club i’ve tried to join has made me feel very unwelcome. i’ve been considering doing sorority recruitment next semester - but i don’t know if i should if i ultimately want to transfer. is that even a good idea?</p>
<p>I wouldn’t pledge a sorority if you are thinking of transferring. There was a week or so where I was really depressed and felt like transferring after my first semester and it kept me from pledging a fraternity. I regret it so much and can’t wait to pledge next semester and spend the rest of my time here.</p>
<p>My advice would be transfer, maybe to OSU (as much as I hate that school). I’m just going on what I hear (that it’s pretty similar to my school) and everyone is always open to meeting new people, and people are very sociable. This seems to be your biggest issue.</p>
<p>Maybe you’re just socially awkward. Going to a new school (especially as a transfer) you have to show yourself, anywhere you go.</p>
<p>It doesn’t sound like the school is a good fit for you. Academically it is too easy for you, I don’t know if it’s because of courses you have choosen. If you have a lot of APs, you should be skipping most of introductory courses. My older daughter, who is a senior in college now, thought freshman was the toughest year because there were a lot of weeder courses. Does your school have honors program? It maybe more challenging for you.</p>
<p>I would keep up your grades. Look into schools that may offer merit aid for high achievers. If your family qualifies for FA, top tier schools offer better FA than public schools. I am not a FA guru, ask some questions on the FA forum. There is no reason for you to stay in NM when your family no longer lives there.</p>
<p>I would say go ahead to rush in spring. You could always de-activate if you don’t like it. Even if you don’t get in, it’s a good way of meeting people. If you get into a sorority with a chapter at your new school, you would automatically be a member when you transfer. For someone who is a bit shy and has a hard time of making a lot of friends, sorority is a good way to have instant friends and sisterhood. Try to get into one that fits your personality, not just by ranking.</p>
<p>One last point, you don’t have to drink to party with people. So many freshmen get so brainwashed by their parents about not “partying” that they are missing social aspect of college life. There is nothing wrong in going to a party, holding a cup of beer and walk around all evening with it. There will always be people who would drink a lot, but there will be a lot of people who are there to just hang out.</p>
<p>Not every college experience is like yours. There are many students who are having a time of their life and there are students who are hating it. If are miserable, then my advice is to start looking into transferring. You could always make a decision later on, but it may make you feel better to have options.</p>
<p>Your story sounds word for word like what my college experience has been like. I originally went out of state but it didn’t work out because I really couldn’t afford it even with a scholarship and loans. I got stuck at my current univeristy and they have done nothing but mess up my transcripts, paperwork, etc so I have to graduate in 3 not 4 years. Its also a hassle to get anything done because the school is so big and there’s a limited amount of staff. It’s a huge party school (which I detest), its in my hometown, I live at home and I have had the worst time trying to meet people at school (I usually end up meeting my friends at work or outside of college).</p>
<p>I was forced to transfer to a college 5 minutes away from home. I tried working 40 hours a week to move out but my grades have slipped. All of my good friends went out of state or to a college 5+ hours away. I am miserable at this college and my experience has been nothing but absolutely negative.</p>
<p>All I can say is, look into transferring. Again, the money issue is what caused me to transfer in the first place, but it is possible to find funding. Go online and apply for every private scholarship you can. Could you transfer somewhere else in your state where you would be happier, but wouldn’t have to pay out of state tuition? I would definitely visit the college and career center/services at your school and ask them for help. Best of luck!</p>
<p>lol, i would say i’m a little socially awkward, but i was fairly popular in high school. there were 850+ students in my graduating class, and i was on homecoming court and voted “most likely to make you smile.” i was always very outgoing, but then again, by senior year i knew everyone in school. i’m not sure why i’m just not clicking with UNM.
transferring seems to be the consensus. should i look into smaller private schools? UNM is about 35,000. i like the idea of the close knit liberal arts kind of schools, but would it be harder to transfer into such a community because they are so close knit? would transferring into a small school make it harder or easier to make friends?
i have also been looking into transferring to New Mexico State, where I’d have the same scholarship as i do here. i visited a friend there and liked the school, but it’s very much a party school and it seems like that’s how you make friends there. but it’s another option, i guess.</p>
<p>You could read posts on the “transfer students” board and try to learn from the experience of others.</p>
<p>I think that if you go to a really small school, it might be more difficult to make friends because unless you fit into the prevailing culture of the student body, you really don’t have many more options. OTOH, huge schools might make you feel lost too, unless you join a few groups or are outgoing enough to make friends with your neighbors. At least with midsize or large schools, you have options.</p>
<p>Good luck!</p>
<p>Ok, I know how you feel. I didn’t get a good group of friends until 2nd semester freshmen year. Everyone stuck to their cliques until they realized that they were better friends with other people.</p>
<p>Stick it out for the year. Try to talk to people in classes and stuff. Try to get a more challenging courseload 2nd semester. Also, getting an on campus job is a good way to make friends :).</p>
<p>If you still hate it by about spring break, then start looking for transfer options.</p>
<p>Best of luck!</p>
<p>No, every school is not like this. I have to say: even though I had to go through an adjustment phase, it’s nowhere near as bad as you described. The feeling was one of: “cool, but not magical” instead of “I hate this ****ing place”. Even though I was extremely socially awkward at the time, people were definitely down to make new friends, and although I lived in the least social dorms, people still left their doors open and tried to meet me. The difference is that we all studied during the weekends instead of getting crazy in the common areas.</p>
<p>I actually have a few friends who basically had the same story of attending an easy, near-home college for financial reasons and hating it. They transferred, and within a few weeks, they were extremely well-adjusted and happy.</p>
<p>So my suggestion is: by all means, research the transfers and keep your grades up. You don’t have to decide on whether or not you want to actually take the transfer until several months later.</p>