<p>I know many of you are probably tired of the same old story but I really could use some objective scoring abut my essaies....I'm a foreign student...and my English teacher isn't quite familiar with the demandings for an SAT essay so I have no one to ask this: could you please score my following essay?.....each additional comment would be useful...thanks a lot! </p>
<p>Think carefully about the issue presented in the following excerpt and the assignment below.</p>
<pre><code> “ A mistakenly cynical view of human behavior holds that people are primarily driven by selfish motives: the desire for wealth, for power, or for fame. Yet history gives us many examples of individuals who have sacrificed their own welfare for a cause or a principle that they regarded as more important than their own lives. Conscience – that powerful inner voice that tells us what is right and what is wrong – an be a more compelling force than money, power, or fame.”
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<p>Assignment: Is conscience a more powerful motivator than money, fame, or power? Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your reading, studies, experience, or observations.</p>
<p>My essay:</p>
<pre><code>The topic question cannot be answered by a yes or a no because it depends on one’s personality to be driven in life by one’s conscience or by the desire of fame, power and money.
There are people who give up material things in life in order to help other people, due to their conscience. A good example is Mother Theresa, who has dedicated her entire life to helping the needy and the ill ones. She began by helping people around her. She left the decent life she was getting in a monastery in India and even risked being excommunicated from the nuns order if she continued helping the people on the streets, who weren’t even Christians. Despite this, her conscience knew that God had given her the mission of making the poor ones happy. Thank to her belief, she succeeded in creating a new nuns order and in making other people care about the needy ones.
But there are also people who want it all, despite making others suffer. In such cases, conscience is almost annihilated. Adolph Hitler was such a person. He wanted revenge on the Jewish people (because of their control over the German economy) and then wanted to create his own human race, the perfect one. He started doing this by exterminating the “inferior” people. During his ruling over almost the entire Europe millions of people were killed or starved to death. Many were forced into harsh labors. Most of them had the same ending. Hitler committed the world’s most appalling genocide. His conscience had no effect on his judgement. He was ruled only by his ambitions, or maybe, by his obsessions.
These two examples support the idea that it depends on one’s own personality whether the conscience or the ambition rules him during his life. I would plead though, for the conscience, because after all, we all are humans and we all depend on each other.
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