I feel like I spent my whole high school journey working towards getting into a top school and when college decisions came out a few months ago I was accepted into a T10. I was ecstatic, but the financial aid was poor and I ended up choosing to attend my state flagship instead. Almost 3 months into classes and I feel immense regret. It’s not like there’s anything particularly wrong (I’ve made great friends and the school/city has a ton to offer) but I feel inferior in a way, like all my work in hs led up to nothing. Something in the back of my mind keeps telling me I should have gone to the other college and I feel like I’m “less” for attending my current school. Has anyone else struggled with this? How did you fix it?
Also I don’t mean to come off condescending in anyway. I know that someone’s college has nothing to do with who they are as a person but I still personally feel bad.
You kick a$$ in life. You take advantage of opprtunities, some of which you wouldn’t have had at the top 10. Like clubs that may be restricted at the top 10.
You also hopefully live debt free ahd perhaps strained your family less. Priceless.
Where you go provides no assurance of success.
You, not your school, will make your success. If you are a go getter, you’ll be great anywhere. If you’re not, you won’t.
End the pity party. There’s likely a lot of positives where you are.
At most every flagship are kids who turned down top 10s or who would have gotten in. You are far from alone.
Good luck.
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I did attend the expensive big name top 10 university for my bachelor’s degree, rather than the local (and very good) public university where I had also been accepted. The local public university would have be way less expensive, and was also a very good school.
Several decades later, I still have no idea which would have been the better choice. However, I think that I would have ended up in the same place either way. My parents would have been financially a bit better off if I had chosen the public university. The local public university also would have been less stressful for me.
After graduating from a “top 10” university, I found myself working alongside people who had graduated from the local public university. No one cared where anyone got their degree. Two of us needed to solve a really tough math problem. We worked on it together. The guy from the local public university had an insight when I got stuck. Then I had an insight when he got stuck. Together we solved it. It did not matter where either of us got our degree. What mattered was the skills that we each brought to the problem, plus the ability to work together.
Also, if you look at the graduate students at nearly any “top 10” graduate program, you will find that they got their bachelor’s degrees at a very wide range of universities. A lot of them will have attended their local public university, because that is what they could afford.
There will be many opportunities at any university. There will be many very good professors, and a few bad professors, at any university. MIT or Harvard might have slightly more opportunities, but the competition for those opportunities will be intense. The university that you are attending will have many opportunities also.
Big name private universities have to keep up the “allure” of being special, because otherwise they would not be able to justify their huge price tag. That does not mean that their expensive price tag is actually worth it.
The main advantage of the effort that you put in during high school is NOT to get accepted to a highly ranked university. The main advantage is that you have learned how to be a good student, and you have a solid background in math, sciences, reading, English composition, probably a foreign language, history, and a few other areas. You are ready to be a strong university student. You can be a strong university student where you are.
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I find this to be true.
Where I work, a guy from Faireigh Dickinson is above the Harvard Law. In my group, the Bachelor from West Georgia is above many MBAs, including Vanderbilt. It is all about you.
I was a bit disappointed when my son turned down Purdue engineering for Alabama. Yet he graduated and now works with Purdue, Michigan, Case Wester, Washington, NC State and more grads - oh, and Utah, Akron, W Michigan…they all make the same.
You’ve bought into marketing.
But you can be the person you want to be regardless of what your diploma says.
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It would be more interesting if you named the two schools. Of concern is your claim that a Top 10 school offered you poor financial aid.
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It might have seemed poor if he didn’t check the NPC ahead of time, and just hoped the school would meet the family’s perceived need.
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Agree.
Also, there could be complicating factors such as small business ownership, family owned farm, grandparents’ gift, etc.
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You are letting the college you attend define who you are? Please don’t do that. I’m quite sure there are students at your current college who are smart, intuitive, and are great learners.
You don’t know what that other college might have been like. You are just guessing because it was a T10 college…and presumably not affordable.
You are a freshman. As you move into upper level courses, you will find many very smart students. If you can’t see this as a possibility please get some counseling to help you with your perspective.
You have friends, and there is much to do, you say. And the school has much to offer. Now go and join some clubs where your interests lie, and make some friends there. Reach out to a professor who works on your field of interest.
There are plenty of ways to challenge yourself at the school you are at.
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THIS!
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Literally no college experience is perfect and if you feel in your gut you’d be happier at another school, there is NOTIHNG wrong with transferring.
Finish the semester strong, trust your feelings and make a plan.
Best of luck!
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OP said the other (T10) school was unaffordable. As for transferring to some other school, OP wrote:
IMO, it’s better (and easier) to build upon what’s working well rather than start afresh somewhere else. That could lead to a worse experience as transfer students often have a harder time making friends and integrating into a college community.
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I know several students, including several I have taught and currently teach at a university, that have transferred and excelled.
I am speaking from experience and hope the OP knows they have options, including acceptable less expensive options such as other publics or community colleges.
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And that’s the issue - he and his family are not able/willing to pay for the T10 private school, so transferring isn’t really an option.
Absolutely true that people who go to even the local 4 yr public college, not even the flagship, get into all sorts of competitive grad/professional schools, and wind up doing just as well, with a whole lot less debt.
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Another public or community college is an acceptable option.
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As am I. Yes, some students do fine after transferring but I also know students who regretted their decision.
If the student was absolutely miserable at their current school, transferring might be the right option. But OP says that’s not the case. Things are working well, it’s just that they “feel less” (their words). This isn’t a strong argument for transferring schools IMO.
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OP it was - @thumper1 eloquently stated “You are letting the college you attend define who you are.”
There was a similar note from a girl who is AMAZING - who is at UMD Smith vs. schools she finds superior - amazing in that she has 1.3 million tik tok followers and likely few from Harvard could pull that off - and she’s having a great life and still regrets it.
These students have to realize - they are responsible for the past, current, and future success.
Winners will be winners - because of themselves.
I don’t think “other publics or community colleges” is what these students have in mind when they feel like they’ve fallen due to a school rank.
It’s funny - my kid is the other way - she “purposely” chose a low ranked school over much higher ones she got into based on fit (she just loved her school on her visit). She is taking advantage by “leading” and they are so proud of her at the school for starting a club to help refugees and for the internship she’s gotten in her DC semester at a top level think tank. Because she stands out vs. being one in a zillion at the higher ranked schools, she’s had access to top mentoring, programs, and the like. She might have (or not) accomplished the same things elsewhere but doubtful her star would have shone as brightly at a school with more of her types. She’d have been one of many in the crowd.
These kids are in such a great position where they are - if they want to be in that great position. That’s up to them.
it’s s shame they are looking at it otherwise.
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The OP isn’t likely wanting to transfer to another state school or community college. They are happy at their current state flagship, except that it’s not a T10 school which was an unaffordable option.
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There are many threads like this one. Just understand you make the school, the name of the school doesn’t make you. Be active on campus , have fun, search out opportunities and separate yourself from the pack doing so. Internships and jobs are looking for that type of student. Challenge yourself and get out of your comfort zone. I call this betting on yourself which you already have done. Eliminate the noise of the other college name and excel. There are smart high achieving students at all colleges. Meet your peeps if that is what you want but it sounds like your doing great. Why mess with that? Many transfer only to wish they never had.
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Hang in there, OP, these feelings will pass. I have known many students (including a sibling of mine) who had to turn down T10s due to price. They ended up thriving at their affordable local options, and afterwards had their pick of excellent jobs and top-ranked graduate schools. Keep excelling, bring enthusiasm to everything you do, take your work seriously but don’t take yourself seriously, and you will succeed. Best wishes to you!
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