I think I want to drop out

Student Lounge College Life
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I’m so sad. I posted a while ago, and things have just gotten so much worse I have crying spells all the time, I can’t sleep or eat, and anything I do eat I just throw back up because I’m so anxious.

I go to class, I come home and sleep. I have no motivation to study because I’m just so sad. I’ll probably fail first semester anyways, so what’s the point in staying here? The only thing holding me back is that my parents paid for me to be here and that’s a lot of money just seemingly wasted if I drop out now. But I can’t stay here if it makes me feel this low. I’m not even looking forward to thanksgiving this weekend because I know I’ll just have to come back here and that kills me. I finally broke down and have a counselors appointment tomorrow, and I just want to talk about my options. Maybe I’m depressed, maybe I have an anxiety disorder. I just don’t know what to do!!!

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The counseling appointment is a good first step.

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Just a few days ago you told another student this:

And in an earlier thread you said:

Get the counseling, because you seem to have a lot going for you there-- a program you love, classes you enjoy, and roommates you get along with.

I think you also need to find a way to have a bit of fun, however you define it. Anyone would lose motivation if they kept their nose to the grindstone all the time.

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sashabee, I hope the visit to the counselor was helpful.

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Continue to post so that we know how you are doing. Take care!

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well, I went to the counselor. she gave me some good tips on sleep. basically saying that if you aren’t getting enough sleep that everything will seem much worse. I went home for thanksgiving this weekend, but I really couldn’t enjoy myself knowing that I had to come back to school. im still crying quite a bit, and im thinking about applying again to the schools closer to home for next year, and If I get in ill just commute and start fresh… worth a shot. im going back to the counselor again this week.

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So your home is in Canada! Happy Thanksgiving to you. I’m glad you were able to go home.

The counselor is right about sleep. Insufficient sleep raises our level of the stress hormone, cortisol, which makes us feel anxious. Bring tired also makes it harder to think clearly, and homework takes longer than it would if one were rested. It also depresses our immune system and makes us more likely to catch whatever bug is going around.

This is a lesson that took me two years to learn in college. My first two years, I was up late every night, running on empty. I was so exhausted that I caught the flu and spent midterms week in the infirmary spring of sophomore year. Junior year, I decided I would get my 7 hours of sleep every night, and I did. I closed the books and went to bed. I figured my grades would drop a bit due to studying fewer hours, but instead, they went up. A big surprise for me.

It sounds like you have a plan-- reapplying to schools closer to home, while finishing out the year at your current school. Good that you are going to go back to see the counselor, too. I hope you begin to feel less stressed soon.

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You said that the only thing holding you back from quitting is thinking about “your parent paying up for your school” then why don’t you make that thought into an inspiration. Look at it on a different perspective. Think of it as “oh my parents are paying such a high price in this school I better work my a** off and give them high grades” or something like that

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OK, for starters, the money is already spent. Making yourself miserable so your parents get their money’s worth probably isn’t what they had in mind.

You say the counselor had some good tips-- do they seem to be working? Are you sleeping a bit better? And how are you eating? The first time you’re away long term from your parents you may be eating the wrong things, and that too will effect how you feel.

You mention your parents-- have you told them what’s going on? What do they say? If you haven’t yet told them, don’t you think they deserve to be in the loop?

But it sounds like, aside from the times when you’re sad and crying, that you did land in a school you like, and a program you love. So I think you may have the workings of a good plan:

  • eat right, sleep right, get some exercise. Nothing else will work if you let the physical go.
  • emotional: spend some time with friends. Do those things you had in mind when you decided to go away to school. Have some fun, even if you have to schedule it in.
  • academic: Once you start eating and sleeping right, you may find you have the energy for your studies. I’m not sure how bleak your picture is. If you’re really concerned, start with the easiest class first, make sure that grade is good, then work your way through your classes. The idea here is quantity-- if you’re really buried, you want to pass as many classes as possible. If it’s just one or two classes that are giving you trouble, then it’s the reverse approach: throw your energies into those classes.

Above all: your parents, your counselors are all there for you. No one wants you to be miserable under the umbrella of “it’s cost us a lot of money.” So stop, spend some time thinking, and determine WHAT is making you so miserable. Are you homesick? Then transfer back home. Is it the academic coursework? Then reconsider your major or your school.

It’s entirely possible that going away to school wasn’t the right choice for you. And that’s OK-- no one choice is right for everyone, no one school is right for everyone. This problem HAS a solution. So catch your breath, take a walk, go back to your counselor, and start to determine the right solution for this problem.

Let us know how it’s going.

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the counsellor did give some good tips. they are working in improving my ability to cope (im sleeping better, and eating better), but I am not feeling any better emotionally and I still feel very drained and tired.

ive told my parents exactly how I feel. and they are very supportive. but they want me to stick it out, and do the best I can. they tell me to talk to people and get involved… i try, but it doesn’t get me anywhere. i make small talk, go to the residence events, but it feels so fake and forced and i never end up talking to those people again. then im back to where i started, missing home.

im leaning towards re-applying to the two schools closer to my home that offer this program, where i can live at home and commute every day. The problem with this is that i applied there last year and did not get in… and if i don’t get in the second time then im faced with the decision of if i want to continue where i am now, feeling the way i am for another year or not.

i wont find out if i get in there until after the year where i am now is done anyways, so for the time being i am just trying to focus on coping and doing the best i can mark wise.

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[quote} ve told my parents exactly how I feel. and they are very supportive. but they want me to stick it out, and do the best I can. they tell me to talk to people and get involved… i try, but it doesn’t get me anywhere. i make small talk, go to the residence events, but it feels so fake and forced and i never end up talking to those people again. then im back to where i started, missing home [quote]

Here is a life secret: any new change (new job; new college; new town) IS going to feel fake at first. It feels even worse when you compare new life changes to the way life used to be and try to frame the new experience into old contexts. It is never going to measure up. Ever. Don’t try to turn college into your high school experience where you knew everyone, had good friendships…take a step back and remember that those friendships took years to build up. Embrace the experience you have in front of you for what it is: a new experience with new things to be learned. You are safe. You have supportive parents. This is not permanent. Lower your expectations, make yourself busy and don’t weigh heavily on the thoughts that friendships are fake and forced…they will all be that way at first. Continue making little efforts; reaching out and knowing that others are going through the same thing. It WILL get better. It just takes awhile!

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^ sorry for my messed up quotes!

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Fake is not true. You just moved from a group of close long term friends into a friend acquisition mode, so have to work more on the first part of building up a friendship. This is a great life skill, and you should practice it all the time, maybe long after this is over.

Give yourself more credit too, if you are going to events, you will meet people, it just may take more than one meeting or more than 4 weeks.

Choosing where to go next year for school seems like it is just adding additional stress.

Maybe join a club in something you have a real interest in and meet people there, they may be more interesting to you and you have to do less small talk if they already are tuning their bicycling next to you or playing a console or whatever it is you like.

Similarly, if you like a specific activity, try to find people who are doing that and go out in a group. You don’t have to be the life of the party. Maybe offer to organize the next outing or whatever, then you will seem more interesting and people will remember you, and you’ll have email contacts (hey, this was fun, does anyone want to go to a movie next week too, same time?).

Next time you go to an event, talk to 2 or 3 people and pick the one you most want to spend time with (and I am saying a bit is better than not). See if they will commit to meeting you at the next event (you can even say, this is a bit lame, but I am trying to meet people, etc). Or if you see someone you talked with last week, go over there again.

Especially with fellow freshman, remember they are also trying to meet people and even to keep social at a new place, so maybe be a bit less critical than usual, look for people who are not your normal pals and get interested in them and their story.

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Also remember…that going home may not solve the problem. All of your friends will be moving on, growing and changing as well and not as readily available.

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Stick up for a while honey… You never know what lies ahead. Maybe it isn’t so bad after all. Don’t give up!! :slight_smile: