<p>Good for you TA3021. Honestly. I can't tell you how glad I am to hear that. If you ever need to talk, I'm sure people here will be glad to help you. :)</p>
<p>Good to hear. What do you mean by "taking risks"?</p>
<p>I've always wanted to go in a safe, secure route for career prospects, meaning careers that will have a high salary and are highly respected. Now, I want to risk doing something that does not have as many guarantees to see what would happen. Most things are about talent, if you're talented you can get pretty far no matter what it is.
As for my talents, I don't know. I want to write a novel and get published, but that's harder to break into that getting a job the traditional way. Anyone can write, but how many people can make a real career out of it? I'm not even sure if I have the gift do do such a thing, and do it well enough to get the proper recognition so I can keep writing for a living.</p>
<p>i would advise you not to seek "professional" help or "therapy" because they are phony and they just tell you what you want to hear and what you already know.</p>
<p>just my 2 cents</p>
<p>I'm in a huge, insurmountable amount of trouble. Sorry if I sound cliche, but I feel like I dug a hole too deep to get out of.</p>
<p>I went to my campus psychologist yesterday and told them my problems. Recently, I have disturbing thoughts as well, that I just want to erase. They felt alarmed and decided to send me to a hospital. Yes, an actual hospital, but at least they listed it as "voluntary" I just went along with it thinking that they will just interview me for less than an hour and tell me what I need. No! I was in there for SIX HOURS (!) and they did everything from checking pulse to EKG to blood work At least I was perfectly physically healthy. No less than four people asked me tons of questions. </p>
<p>It's going on my parent's insurance, which I knew in the first place, but I'm still ****ing scared as hell what their reaction will be. I just let it happen under pressure because I want to finally have a piece of mind, have a normal, happy life. I can't even tell them who drove me there, because it was the campus police! Thankfully, they weren't in uniforms and did not drive me in a police car!</p>
<p>The least anyone here can do is help me make up an excuse of why I went to the hospital without telling them. My parents have no idea! I went on a taxi paid by the state to get home and I told the taxi to drop me off at a nearby bus stop. Then I told my Dad to pick me up at McDonalds because it was too late for me to walk home that late at night. My parents thought that I was at a book store.
My Mom was upset that I was gone for almost half the day and that I never called her. I was too scared to call her because I have a feeling that she would know that I was lying. I was so nervous in the hospital. Everyone in the hospital was so nice to me, they tried their best to make me feel comfortable. It was the nicest I've been treated in a long time. I am eternally grateful for them making my time easier.
They kept insisting that I call my parents and tell them everything. Hell no! I even gave them my cell phone number instead of my home number in case they were really going to call my house. The crappy thing is that I lost my cell phone. Now my privacy has really dwindled. </p>
<p>They recommended that I see a therapist, but the problem is that I have no money and I need to show insurance. I asked my Dad about the insurance card and he asked why I needed it. I can't tell my parents. They treat me like I'm still in middle school and insist they know everything about my whereabouts. I wish I had a job that could pay for it, but I've had several jobs where I messed up so badly whether its performance of the job itself or my relationship with my co-workers that I quit. If I'm going to get a job, I want it to be something that I will stay in for a long time because I'm all-around good at it.</p>
<p>I want my life to change, yet I'm stuck because I don't have the most understanding or trustworthy parents. Trust me, they'll tell their closest relatives everything if they find out. My Mom can't keep secrets to save her life. My Dad isn't aware that even if he doesn't think certain things are a big deal, others do. They don't understand the stigmatization of mental illness.</p>
<p>I had no idea things were going to get this complicated. I wish I was strong enough to think everything through and tell them no, so I could have at least thought things through. The ****tiest part is that it will all probably go on my records. There goes any chance of me getting a great career, if anything respectable at all. I called the campus psychologist and he said that I will get a letter in the mail saying that I need an evaluation. Now, even the college knows everything. I'm so screwed, I feel like my life is over and everyone will find out that I'm sick.</p>
<p>I'm sorry that you are feeling so upset and afraid. It sounds like you are thinking that the trip to the hospital is going to stigmatize you and really hurt you in the future. </p>
<p>Did the college psychologist or hospital staff agree with that assessment?</p>
<p>What are the pros and cons of telling your parents? </p>
<p>Are you saying that your dad might be understanding but your mom would tell others? Would your mom also be understanding?</p>
<p>It sounds like you may want someone to talk to now or soon. If so, you can call 1-800-273-TALK (8255) and reach a nonjudgmental listener. You can also find help at:</p>
<p>CUSA</a> Home</p>
<p>I'm sorry you're feeling upset. I agree with what most people before me have said. Seek counseling. It does not mean you are crazy to go through therapy. In today's crazy world, many normal everyday people need it.</p>
<p>(One note quick note, though. If you weren't a girl, you would have been booed out of this message board by the second post. CollegeConfidential has a double standard. I wish all people posting about the misfortunes in their lives on CC were treated as well as you have been in this thread. Most people in the past who have posted stuff like this have been quickly told "Get over it, do something with your life, worthless." What's up, CC?)</p>
<p>i think i'm a failure too... but i keep myself too busy to dwell on it (most of the time)</p>
<p>
[quote]
What are the pros and cons of telling your parents?
[/quote]
</p>
<p>Pros:</p>
<p>-Hopefully, I will get the insurance from them.
-Getting the help I need may be easier (i.e. therapy bills, transportation)</p>
<p>Cons:</p>
<p>-They're both unpredictable, so I don't know what reaction to expect when they see the insurance bill.
-I will get asked a lot of uncomfortable questions.
-I could get scolded, mostly for lying but I really didn't want to talk about it.
-They will tell other relatives and friends, who in turn will tell their own friends and so on.
-They will feel that I exaggerated everything and I will get no help. I did ask my Mom about therapy days before it happened and she said that I could solve my own problems.
-I will never leave their sight. They'll always watch over me and treat me like I'm in middle school. I'll lose the little independence I had to begin with.
-They will panic over even the tiniest questionable thing I do or say. Things that they would have ignored before will now become a big deal.
-They will be more disappointed than they were already. I may get looked upon as a burden.
-My Mom may take advantage of the situation later by bringing it up for the most inappropriate and embarrassing reason.
-For some reason, I'm afraid that this will make them cry. I've never seen them cry before, but I don't want to cause sadness.</p>
<p>The cons definitely outweigh the pros. Maybe I'm just being paranoid, but I don't feel any of the cons are improbable. Sadly, I don't think I could trust either parent. I wish I could. I still love them, but I feel so ashamed of myself for everything that has happened. </p>
<p>
[quote]
I'm sorry that you are feeling so upset and afraid. It sounds like you are thinking that the trip to the hospital is going to stigmatize you and really hurt you in the future. </p>
<p>Did the college psychologist or hospital staff agree with that assessment?
[/quote]
</p>
<p>I don't know. I did not mention stigma to anyone. I didn't even think about it until the next day. I really wish I asked the question though. The whole time in the hospital I was so worried that they'll keep me there over night that I didn't think of anything else. I just wanted to go home early enough for my parents not to worry. I hate being so deceptive! I really had no choice though.</p>
<p>They said that I had anxiety, depression and that social skills that come naturally to others do not come naturally to me. One doctor said that I might even have Asperger's Syndrome, but I don't believe this. I've met people with the disorder and I don't feel that I'm like them. Also, they said that they could suggest a medication right away, but they prefer if I see a therapist first. I just agreed to see a therapist because I couldn't wait for anyone else any longer...</p>
<p>Thank you for the number and the link ADad.</p>
<p>totakeke:</p>
<p>I posted not knowing what to expect, because I just needed someone to listen. Then I almost regretted it because I felt that I was going to get the type of replies that you mentioned. Surprisingly, people were very understanding.
For some reason, I have a feeling that I would've been ripped apart if I posted in another forum. The Internet can get very ruthless sometimes.</p>
<p>Maybe there is a double standard because people expect girls to be weaker? I mean, most people expect guys to be emotionally stronger at all times. I'm not saying that anyone here is being sexist, but that's probably it. Or maybe there is a change of heart in CC lately? Who knows?</p>
<p>Thanks for your post.</p>
<p>You are feeling ashamed because you feel it was a weakness to seek help?</p>
<p>What happened when you got home, such that your parents, I gather, still don't know?</p>
<p>Could they find out, though, if they get a statement from the insurance company?</p>
<p>If so, what will you do?</p>
<p>
[quote]
Getting the help I need may be easier
[/quote]
</p>
<p>Do you live on campus during school? When do you go back? How did you like the psychologist you saw that day on campus?</p>
<p>You might be able to speak to a counselor, perhaps that same psychologist if you like him, at your campus a few times at least with the expense covered by college fees and not by your parents' insurance. If so, perhaps you could discuss the situation with that person. I would imagine that campus counselors have experience working with students whose parents are skeptical about therapy.</p>
<p>How are the side effects of medication? Any personal experiences, if anyone doesn't mind?
When I asked both the psychologists in my college and the hospital, they were very vague. Vague to the point where I barely remember what they said. They just said that most of the side effects are temporary.</p>
<p>I feel ashamed because I eventually have to face my parents about this and other people may find out and I will lose opportunities. The therapist said that he will help me deal with my parents. I don't know what I will do.</p>
<p>I think he is okay. I'm sure he is good at helping normal people with normal problems, but I'm not sure if he can deal with people like me. I'm just not sure how experienced he is.</p>
<p>They already have the therapy paid by college fees. Any student can go there for free. The reason they sent me to the hospital is because they felt that I needed medication and that was beyond what they could provide. I feel kind of stupid for going along with it, I should have at least thought about it, but I was sick and tired of being sick and tired.</p>
<p>I live at home because my parents don't think the dorm is worth the money and I can't socialize well enough for a roommate anyway. My life is really restricted, I don't have a license because I'm afraid of car accidents. I don't have a job because the jobs I had was too hectic or I couldn't do anything right. I wish I had a license and a job, I really wish for independence...</p>
<p>It sounds like you are feeling a little calmer now.</p>
<p>It's no wonder that you yearn for more independence. </p>
<p>OK, you can see the therapist again. Good, that can help. Are you now taking medications?</p>
<p>You can ask the therapist about his experience. Do make sure that you are comfortable with him (or any therapist).</p>
<p>About speaking to your parents: could you try to plan the event beforehand? Almost like studying for a test--consider writing an outline beforehand or using note cards. Practice beforehand too: go over the event in your mind, perhaps speak to yourself what you would say, what comments, questions you anticipate and how you'll respond.</p>
<p>For example, if your mother again says that you should solve your own problems, you can perhaps point out that you would never try to solve your own broken leg or major infection. Depression, anxiety are also significant problems and can also be addressed with professional help.</p>
<p>It sounds like the meeting could be very stressful. Do you have ways to soothe yourself? I am thinking of steps such as listening to preferred music, taking a warm bath, etc. Whatever could work for you. I posted some ideas for self-soothing here, at post #10:</p>
<p>It is important to have those resources planned ahead so that, whenever you feel upset (not just at this meeting), you have ways to try to calm yourself. Also perhaps consider if there are any such methods that you could use during the meeting with your parents.</p>
<p>Many people here will be thinking of you and wishing you well. We'll always be interested in how you are feeling, and in hearing about the meeting with your parents, whenever you are inclined to share.</p>
<p>
[quote]
I was even suspended because I got into a fist fight with someone who called me a psycho for no reason. I wanted to show her that I was not going to tolerate anyone calling me that anymore
[/quote]
....
.....
You got into a fist fight... with a girl? Oh wait you are a girl cross that. I thought you were a guy for a sec :/</p>
<p>
[quote]
I want to be normal, not average.
[/quote]
and normal/avg pretty much means the same thing, no...?? o.O</p>
<p>
[quote]
To put it bluntly, I'm lazy. At least when it comes to myself. I have no problem working hard if it benefits others. People always tell me how nice I am and I'm not one to fish for compliments. I have no idea what I want to do, it seems as if everything I enjoy is either very competitive or makes very little money. With my laziness, lack of motivation and direction it seems like I'll be proving everyone right years from now. How do I avoid this?
[/quote]
</p>
<p>You gave us the solution yourself. You just said you are lazy. The only thing that really matters in your life is putting effort into your own work, not other people's stuff. Let them do their own work. You need to realize how important it is to work hard for YOUR own life because no one else honestly is going to help you.</p>
<p>
[quote]
and normal/avg pretty much means the same thing, no...?? o.O
[/quote]
</p>
<p>Not necessarily. One can be the weirdest person ever and still have average grades, average athletic ability and maybe eventually an average salary.
An example is someone painting with their toes (not normal, although its been done before) versus using their hands. If the quality of both paintings is average, it is average, regardless of how it was accomplished.</p>
<p>
[quote]
Could they find out, though, if they get a statement from the insurance company?</p>
<p>If so, what will you do?
[/quote]
</p>
<p>My parents did find out. My mom overheard a conversation I had with the school psychologist and she demanded the truth. She told my Dad and then my Dad and I went back to the hospital. We came with the solution that we'll call a psychiatrist I saw years ago, the same one I mentioned in a previous post. My Dad also suggested that I get away from home for awhile and I'm staying at my Aunt's house for a few days. I'm probably not going to use a computer for a few days.</p>
<p>Thank you very much for letting us know. How are you feeling about these new developments?</p>
<p>If you think you're a failure, you probably are. Have a problem with that? Well then stop thinking that way.</p>
<p>
[quote]
Thank you very much for letting us know. How are you feeling about these new developments?
[/quote]
</p>
<p>Things are going okay except for I read this harsh letter I got from the school today. It was titled SUSPENSION LETTER and said bluntly and literally boldly, You are not allowed to attend the premises on any circumstances until you make an appointment with the counseling office I'm aware its just a standard print-out, but whomever wrote it must be a jerk. It wasn't like I was planning the next Virginia Tech or wanting to hurt anyone at all. It was as if I was being confrontational or something. Even the psychologist I saw today thought the letter's tone was unnecessary. </p>
<p>I saw a psychologist today and the session flew by very quickly, it didn't even feel like an hour. She told wanted to send me to this center where they have group therapy as well as individual therapy to help me with my social skills. This center also has a psychiatrist who can prescribe medication. She feels that this place can provide me with everything I need. </p>
<p>My problem is that I feel like I'm getting pushed everywhere like a tetherball. I hope this Center is the last stop. The other major problem I have is that every professional I've spoken to so far is either very vague or does not answer my questions about medication side effects. Does anyone know why they're like this? Seriously, when I asked the campus psychologist he just gave me a blank stare and said that the majority of side effects are short term.
I'm aware I could look them up myself, but I want personal opinions!
My Dad is worried about this too and prefers that I don't take them at all. The problem is that if I don't, I would have to talk to someone for years, and I don't have years to resolve issues. I want to fix this as quickly as possible so I can focus on finding a good career. Even the psychologist I visited today agrees with me. I want it to be solved as quickly, yet safely as possible, so I can move on with my life. </p>
<p>I hate troubling my parents like this. This is not the first time something like this has happened and even my Mom said that things like this has happened to me since day one. I don't want to dwell on the past, yet I'm not sure if my Mom would understand this. She gets dirty in arguments and she'll probably bring this up to attack me. That's why from now on, I'll never argue with her even if she is being rude or has an opinion I disagree with. I just want to be a good daughter and never give them problems again.
I'm still staying at my Aunt's house, my parents told her a little about the situation. I never spoke to her about it though. I'm just home right now because I just came back from the therapy session. My Aunt's house is far more relaxing and she loves my company therefore I did more activities in a week than I have the entire summer. I think part of my problem was that I was alone so often, just locked up in my room all day...</p>
<p>Edit: Oh my goodness, that post was long. I apologize, it was just like that because I haven't been online in days. I'll be more sparse this time.</p>
<p>Thank you very much for your post. It sounds like you are happier and more connected at your aunt's house at this time. That's good news! No need to be sparse if you feel like writing a lot; people here are interested! :)</p>
<p>Was the psychologist you saw from your school? I can understand being annoyed about going to multiple counseling centers. From your description, I am wondering: is the Center offering you dialectical-behavioral therapy? When do you go there? Perhaps get the Center's views about medication, and about how long therapy might take. Make sure that you are comfortable with your therapist there (or anywhere). I suspect that, if you have a good relationship with your therapist, you won't need to wait anything like "years" to see progress.</p>
<p>If you are so inclined, do keep us posted!</p>