I think I'm making a few errors in my essay, would like some feedback

<p>So far I've completed question 1 and I'm working on question 2 and 3</p>

<p>We know you lead a busy life, full of activities, many of which are required of you. Tell us about something you do for the pleasure of it. (*)(100 words or fewer)</p>

<p>Here, I'm talking about volunteering work (which I do enjoy, actually). I'm not writing the reasons why I do it, but more like an explanation of WHAT I do.</p>

<p>Sample:
I do voluntary work in both an LGBT rights organization and CRIT Occidente, a rehabilitation center for disabled kids. The activities include: presenting sexual education workshops, attending protests for LGBT rights and promoting safe sex practices...</p>

<p>A friend told me the following:</p>

<p>What you do is very admirable, but the point of these essays is for a college to get to know you personally. Anyone can write about all of the great community service they did, but you also need to include what YOU got out of it.</p>

<p>Now, I want to use the last section (the optional one) to talk about WHY I like to do volunteer work and what I've learned with it. I think it'll be crucial to explain why I do this during my free time. This is because the first question asks WHAT I do, not WHY I do it (if it said something like Tell us about something you do for the pleasure of it and why THEN I'd talk about my reasons, notice how it doesn't?).</p>

<p>It might count as an extracurricular activity, sure, but it's something I actually enjoy doing.</p>

<p>Opinions?</p>

<p>I think using the optional section to talk about why you do your volunteer work is great! If you feel you have something important that you need to express, that section is perfect for it.</p>

<p>What concerns do you have about this?</p>

<p>My concern is that I might be using the space to describe my activities instead of talking about why I like it, then again, the question asks WHAT I do, not WHY I do it. amidoinitrite?</p>

<p>Like I said, I’ll use the optional space to talk about why I like to help people, which should work as a supplement. Also, I wanna talk about double majoring in management and some stuff I’ve done with WiFi networks when I was younger, as well as some stuff that happened in my life (I hit the bottom, got up and kept going) in that optional space.</p>

<p>The thing is, even though it asks WHAT, there’s an implied question of WHY. 100 words is not enough to go into detail, but maybe a sentence or 2 explaining why you like it.</p>

<p>And THAT is exactly the problem! 100 words, only? Come on!</p>

<p>I mean, would it look bad if I use the optional space to describe the WHY? Because I already ran out of space on that first question, and IMO I wrote a solid answer.</p>

<p>“which I do enjoy, actually” doesn’t suggest that the primary reason you do this activity is for the pleasure of it. I don’t know what MIT wants, but I would want to see some activity here that is really a pleasure actiity.</p>

<p>I don’t think it’d be that interesting for them to see my REAL “pleasure” activities (PC gaming, reading, uhm, going to the gym perhaps?).</p>

<p>Geezus -_-"</p>

<p>What’s wrong with reading? I may be a contrarian, but if were on an admissions committee, and I saw that you were saying that you did community service, or math problems, or anything like that primarily for pleasure, I’d discount the answer because I wouldn’t think it was the truth.</p>

<p>Although maybe MIT wants people who do math problems for fun.</p>

<p>Where’s MITChris when you need him the most? -_-"</p>

<p>Sigh, ok… Wanna know what I do for pleasure?</p>

<p>I play videogames… -_-" Specifically PC games.</p>

<p>Funny thing is, now that I think about it, they have somewhat helped me:</p>

<ul>
<li>I practiced English.</li>
<li>I was introduced to great music</li>
<li>Became deeply interested in science, technology, weaponry and philosophy</li>
<li>Got to know great books such as “Brave New World” and the Tom Clancy’s series.</li>
<li>Met a lot of nice people through LAN parties and online communities</li>
<li>Had an interest to help others through volunteering</li>
</ul>

<p>Among other things…</p>

<p>Perhaps I could make a good answer for the question using these elements, don’t you think?</p>

<p>I think going to a LAN party would be a perfectly good answer, if it’s the truth. It’s social, at least.</p>

<p>

Why should he comment specifically on your thread? You do realize that by posting your essay, it shows him that your essay is NOT going to be your voice. Zero, zip, nada. When he reads your app, he’s going to be like, Oh that’s the person who posted on CC, this person’s essay was edited/influenced by other people. Therefore, THIS ESSAY IS NOT HIS VOICE.
YOU SHOULD NEVER ASK OTHER PEOPLE HOW TO WRITE A COLLEGE ESSAY. You response should be HOW YOU interpret the essay. There is NO right answer. But there is a wrong answer and that is when your essay is not representative of your voice.</p>

<p>You know what? You’re right.</p>

<p>Screw it, I’m gonna do it my way. Disregard this trhead.</p>