<p>Glad your parents and the other are involving the Superintendent. That (or the school board) is who is in a position to deal with this. I understand assigned seating, though it is often most effective when done on a larger scale, where a class is assigned a group of tables. The kids still don’t care for that because they don’t get time with their friends outside their own class.</p>
<p>This Principal started at a new school, and made a lousy first impression by imposing new rules. Instead he should have met with parents, teachers, and even students to propose new rules and to get feedback. Yes, some rules need to be implemented from the top down, but micromanagement of the lunch room doesn’t seem to fit.</p>
<p>If the idea was to make this girl a role model, it should have been explained as such, so I don’t think that was the idea. The comment about Sandy Hook appears to be regarding seat assignments in general not this specific assignment - but perhaps the Principal should consider what school shootings are all about. If this had been a boy (because unfortunately it seems to be boys who react in that manner, girls act out in different ways) he could have been pushing things in the direction of “another Sandy Hook.” If anything, if she didn’t have an otherwise supportive environment, this could send a young girl down the path toward suicide - and him and the school down the path toward the wrong end of a lawsuit following said suicide. It’s one thing not to prevent bullying, it’s a whole other thing to be the bully.</p>
<p>The appropriate response to the petition would have been a meeting with the girls to discuss it, and to explain that he understands their concerns, but is choosing at this point to keep the assignments. That would have been a wonderful opening to creating a committee to create guidelines for seat assignments - collaboration. More people would buy in to seat assignments if it didn’t seem arbitrary, and only in the control of the Principal.</p>
<p>If your parents don’t find much help with the Superintendent, the next step is the school board (they do answer to the tax payers, while the Principal and Superintendent don’t directly). Hopefully it won’t get that far.</p>
<p>I think you said your parents notified the Si with other parents. Great move. You have to bully a bully. You seem to have an excellent family. Your sister was being taught a good lesson in initiative and leadership with the petition. I hope that your parents see it through until the correct and fair conclusion. </p>
<p>Good luck with this. My kid could have used an older sibling like yourself. </p>
<p>Ps. I agree with the poster who said the principal will have a series of prepared good answers. It is part of being a good opportunist. Fwiw there is also a lesson in dealing with manipulative people as they will always be around. We also need to know when to identify them and keep them at a distance. </p>
<p>The other parents may wish a more friendly generic exchange of ideas about the bemefits of seating. If your sister is the only person with specific and more personalized mistreatment then your parents may need to segregate their complaints from the other parents. In other words a group of parents generally unhappy with the principal is not the same thing as a work group. In the first case I think the principal will be held accoiuntable by the superintendent.</p>
<p>I am so sorry about your sister. Your father needs to follow up, document with email, and then go up the chain. This is what happens with tenure, unaccountable schools.</p>
<p>Help your daughter take the petition tothe local school board, but wait until you have found a local tv station to cover it. Sell it as a cute, “elementary school students learn to participate in the democratic process.” Get a local talk radio station to interview her about it. Get about ten friends to write letters to the editor about it. Make the prinicipal the Nurse Cratchet.</p>
<p>if that would creat too much stress on your sister, forget it and move her to a different school.</p>
<p>That’s NOT having an actual discussion. What the principal did to the OP’s sis was to basically shut her down by euphemistically telling her to shut up. </p>
<p>THAT’S the reason why so many folks here are taking umbrage and feel it’s past time to have such a civil discussion. The principal has already demonstrated a dictatorial “my way or else” attitudes towards sis. </p>
<p>Completely unacceptable considering what she is doing is no different than what we as US citizens not only have a right to do…but moreso…is our duty as citizens. </p>
<p>What the principal is doing here is inculcating attitudes more appropriate to living in arbitrary authoritarian regimes of whatever political stripe.</p>
<p>cobrat - you weren’t at the meeting, neither was the OP. The principal could have been very nice at the meeting, explained to the sister and other students why she was doing what she was doing, but as long as the principal didn’t change her position, it would be interpreted as “shutting the students down.”</p>
<p>I have been in the principal’s position many times at work. It is not easy to take a hard position and expect everyone to like it. I recently told my team that I expected them to be at work by 9am. They gave me all kinds of reason as to why it was unreasonable. It is a tech company, they like to come to work late and stay late. Unfortunate, our clients work form 9-5 and they need my staff around when they want support. I listened to them, but ultimately I “shut them down.”</p>
<p>One major difference is that you’re working in a private-sector firm, not a branch of a government agency like a public school. Civil service/public sector employees are/should be held to different and sometimes more restricting standards to ensure they aren’t trampling on the constitutional rights of their constituents or otherwise acting like wannabe dictators. Moreover, it sounds like you gave a well-reasoned explanation and didn’t patronize them by using statements like the one the principal used.* </p>
<p>When the principal says “I’m the adult, you’re not, end of story.”, that’s the behavior of a wannabe dictator, not a conscientious principal/teacher/educrat looking to have a discussion. Not helpful in any context, especially in a public school in the US. </p>
<p>Secondly, students and parents of said students aren’t employees/lowlysubjects to be dictated to…but also constituents with rights to be treated with requisite respect. </p>
<p>Especially when the behavior in question is the epitome of performing a process enshrined in our ostensibly democratically-minded republic. Presenting petitions should be encouraged, not punished by public school admins. Heck, even the White House encourages doing this by creating a website dedicated to the creation and publication of popular petitions. </p>
<p>Did I mention that public schools are also a part of the government that’s bound to comply with the letter and ideally the spirit of the US Constitution?</p>
<ul>
<li>I can believe the principal used such words because I’ve experienced firsthand and heard countless horror stories of educators or anyone with a measure of power without accountability who end up abusing their authority to the detriment of their constituents.</li>
</ul>
<p>cobrat - you don’t know if that’s what the principal said. I don’t know what in the world you are talking. People are to be treated with respect, doesn’t matter whether they are at a school or work place. The idea that employees could be treated worse than students or parents is R-word.</p>
<p>In practice, if a private firm…especially at-will treats you poorly without getting to the point of triggering actionable lawsuits due to laws related to discrimination/disability, the only real courses of action available to the employee is to “suck it up and deal” or find another job and quit. Not saying that they all do, but it’s easier for them to do so…especially in this economy without having as many justifiable worries about being held accountable in the courts. </p>
<p>In public schools, school employees are/should be bound to not treat students and their parents in ways which violate the letter and ideally the spirit of the constitution. </p>
<p>By telling the petition presenter to “I’m the adult, you’re not, end of story” and then effectively retaliating against her by assigning her to sit at an all-boys table, said principal is acting like a wannabe arbitrary dictator. Such actions are routine for authoritarian regimes like the one in Mainland China. </p>
<p>I’d sincerely hope that US government employees at all levels…including school principals are strongly discouraged from behaving in such a high-handed manner towards their constituents!</p>
<p>Frankly, I’m not that offended with the “I’m the adult/you’re the student” decision. That’s kind of how the world operates…I’m the parent/you’re the child…I’m the boss/you’re the employee.</p>
<p>I’m bothered that the principal seems to be punishing the child for a non-offense. And, frankly, even if the student did commit an offense, is it worth of a months-long daily punishment? Heck, I bet students at that school who do really bad things don’t have punishments that last more than a day or two. </p>
<p>Perhaps that’s the approach the parents need to take. Maybe they need to concede to the principal, “Ok, our daughter offended you by questioning one of your policies, so she’s been given a consequence. However, a consequence needs to have an ending. It’s been X weeks now. That is long enough. Other offenses at this school do not have weeks-long punishments, nor should this one.” </p>
<p>If the principal claims that the D is not being punished, then ask her how many other children have been placed in lunch groups where they are the only ones of their gender (It might help if you could photograph the kids at lunch first in some way).</p>
<p>As an aside, when we’ve encountered a couple of principals who got involved with “petty things” like lunch table assignments or (in our case) the length of ribbing on boys’ socks, you’re dealing with people who really aren’t visionaries. They think that putting their stamp on stupid things like this is “acting with authority” when in reality, they’re just giving themselves “busy work” because they have no idea of how to really make the school better.</p>
<p>The big red flag here is that the principal,out of the blue, put the father on the defensive when she told him she overheard the child use a word that is offensive.</p>
<p>She shifted the entire reason for the meeting. It was a smart, crafty move on her part. The parent is taken by surprised. The parent is taken aback and sitting there embarrassed that his kid might have said that. The parent also is thinking that this is totally not something his kid has done in the past.</p>
<p>Now the parent is stuck. No one can prove or disprove that this happened. The parent is now pitted against the principal. What can you do? Call the principal a liar? The whole seating issue becomes secondary in the meeting. A nasty redirect by the principal.</p>
<p>It also seems to me that this is not random seating if the principal sat the child at that table on purpose or if the principal sets up the random seating.</p>
<p>The sandy hook reference is off the wall. </p>
<p>The incident shows the principal will probably never admit she is wrong about anything. Difficult situation to deal with. I am sorry.</p>
<p>“If the principal moved the sister to an all boy table after the petition then I could see it maybe a retaliation.”</p>
<p>oldfort-that’s EXACTLY what happened. The issue isn’t assigned seating, which the girl created the petition about. Kids protest things like this all the time. In my D’s 6th grade she was the designated “go talk to the principal about this” person over some new middle school rules at her old school. The difference was that although the principal didn’t change the rules, she also didn’t punish my D only for being the face of the protest. That is what is going on in the OP’s sister’s case.</p>
<p>You have the right to dictate the hours your employees have. You probably wouldn’t take the lead speaker, though, and sit him in a solitary office away from the rest of the group. That’s what has happened here, on purpose, AFTER the girl created her petition. If you can’t see that it’s a problem, I don’t know what to tell you.</p>
<p>mom2collegekids has the right idea-ask for an ending to the punishment, because that’s what it is. I know the scars a bully-child OR adult, can leave on a kid. If they don’t get anywhere, they need to go over the principal’s head, or even to the media. This kid needs to know there are adults in her corner.</p>
<p>Not always. When a public-sector employee friend had a newly appointed political appointee boss attempt to arbitrarily lie about his poor performance and not completing work on time despite ample evidence/records to the contrary*…escalating it to the boss’ supervisor after consulting with the union steward on his situation not only got her to back down, but was one of the factors in her being sent packing once her superiors found a pervasive pattern of such misconduct towards employees she disliked for one reason or another. </p>
<ul>
<li>He was actually a model employee with records/departmental awards to prove it. The political appointee boss…like the principal in the OP’s account…was inclined to be a wannabe arbitrary dictator. However, she was the one who ended up getting burned for it, not my friend or his colleagues.</li>
</ul>
<p>Cobrat…I’m not talking about unethical behavior. that’s different. The whole seat assignment plan isn’t unethical. If a school wants to assign seats, that’s ok. </p>
<p>However, now the principal has taken it to another level…she’s abusing a school policy to bully the child AND to set an example to the others…don’t question anything I do otherwise this is what you’ll face.</p>
<p>I feel the entire situation in which both factors are in play along with the principal’s attitude is what’s unethical and the principal should be held accountable for it. </p>
<p>History and newsmedia have plenty of examples of folks who allowed a smidgen of power to go to their heads…and not enough examples of such petty authoritarians getting smacked down hard as the case of my friend’s ex-boss. :(</p>