I want to withdraw from college

Parents Forum
1

<p>I need some advice... I have my own parents but they're very far away and they have no idea what's going on in my life, plus they have their own issues. I live by myself in a big city. I go to a college which I don't really like. I did okay in high school, but I never had any guidance from parents or counselors. I was the best in the classes that I really liked, and I didn't care much for classes that bored me, so in the end my gpa was only in the low 90s. Nobody read my essays, the teachers that liked me left for other schools, and so I don't think I had stellar recommendations... I got waitlisted in or rejected from schools that I wanted to attend, but I didn't even apply to many because I was told I should stay within a certain small area...</p>

<p>I feel like I just don't belong in my college... I tried to participate in clubs but that turned out to be a fiasco. I would either come at the appointed time and find a closed classroom, or the whole thing would turn out be nothing more than socializing in already established cliques. I made some friends but we're not really friends... of course that's my fault too, but I do have trouble finding like-minded people. Like in HS, I'm really good in classes that I like and average in those that bore me. But lately, I became apathetic even in my beloved subjects. One day I care, the other I don't. Then I start caring again, and feel bad for the opportunities wasted during the period when I didn't care. I've spent countless hours researching majors and careers, and in the end arrived at nothing, having changed my mind so many times. </p>

<p>I have an exam tomorrow which I haven't started studying for. The book just falls out of my hands as I lose attention and start thinking about my life. During the past month I've been going to bed anytime from 11pm to 7am for no substantial reason. I just don't care. I'm late to every single class and already began skipping some...</p>

<p>I really wish I could do something that would make me wake up at a certain hour... give shape to my life. Something where I would have to move a lot, like waiting tables, doing gardening for the city parks, or maybe enlisting in the army?.. I even considered moving to a different country for a time. I have a relative in one who invited me before. I just don't value the opportunities I have here right now. The whole uncertainty over what I want to study and who I want to be drives me insane. I have enough of that in my life outside of school... </p>

<p>How badly would withdrawal affect my academic prospects? Is there something I can do that others don't like doing that would maybe give me a chance of getting into a good school?</p>

<p>I reread Madame Bovary and I so feel like her... Romantic books poisoned my mind and I'm forgetting my responsibilities. I just don't want to end up like her... I realize this thread is a really bad stream of consciousness but perhaps that could give you an idea of the mess I have in my head...</p>

2

<p>Every school has a counseling center- go to it in the morning. You need to talk to people there, not just on CC.</p>

3

<p>Yesterday, I agree with wis75. Many kids have problems adjusting to life in college. It sounds like you are having a difficult time, and you need support right now. Go to the counseling center and tell them what is bothering you.</p>

<p>I also suggest that you call your parents and tell them what's going on with you. I am sure that they care very much and would be willing to help you, even though they have their own issues. Perhaps they will have some good ideas that you haven't thought of.</p>

<p>Keep reaching out until you get the help you need.</p>

4

<p>I'm in my second year of college. Freshman year was fine. This one isn't.
One of my parents is experiencing medical (and mental) issues and just wouldn't be able to handle my problems. I don't have a close relationship with the other and while we speak and I think I would probably get support if I made a decision to do something "different," I would still have to come up with it on my own.
I guess there wasn't really a point in my posting this here, but ranting did help a little.</p>

5

<p>I agree: Please go to your college counseling center. You definitely are NOT alone when it comes to the kind of painful concerns you're experiencing. It is difficult for many students to adjust to college. This is true even for students who seem to be doing fine. The counseling center is the best way to figure out how to cope with the challenges you're facing.</p>

6

<p>Sure there was a point in your posting. You are hurting, feeling lonely and want help. Since one of your parents is ill, you could try talking to the other one, even though you two are not close. You are still that parent's child, and he/she will be concerned about your well-being.</p>

<p>I hope you see a counselor, at your school or elsewhere, to help you pinpoint your problems and possible solutions.</p>

7

<p>It's a good idea to talk to a counselor, but the idea of taking time off and working and seeing the world, until you feel the motivation again to be in school, may not be a bad one.</p>

8

<p>Yesterday -- there is a thing called "sophomore slump" and it is possible that is what you are experiencing -- it is very common for students to go through a period of malaise at this point in their educational careers.</p>

<p>That being said, you sound a lot like my son -- especially the part about doing well only in classes you are interested in, and the pattern of falling off in class attendance.</p>

<p>My son took a leave of absence from his school at the end of his sophomore year, then worked for 3 years - then he transferred to a different college where he finished school. He really enjoyed working far more than school, and when he returned to college he was far more disciplined - he got much better grades his last 2 years, and he successfully combined work and school in a way that kept his hours fairly regular. So it was the best choice he could possibly have made.</p>

<p>I'm a little unsure of what your situation is -- are your parents supporting you and paying for school? Do you receive any financial aid? My son's choices did complicate the finances somewhat -- so you do need to consider that.</p>

<p>If you think you can last the semester with passing grades, I would encourage you to stick it out but also consider the possibility of taking time off from school after this year. Maybe if you spend some time looking at what your options would be if you leave school, it would help you get a sense of what you want to do -- and also you might feel re-energized about your classes simply because you wouldn't feel so trapped. </p>

<p>One other thing to consider is that in the current economy it might be very hard to get a job -- that's a problem my son didn't face -- so you might want to line up work first before making any commitment one way or another about school.</p>

9

<p>If you do decide to leave college, it is best to do so at at the end of the semester (so that you don't lose the semester your family has already paid for) and to take a personal leave of absence if you are eligible to do so.</p>

<p>Taking a leave rather than withdrawing leaves your options open.</p>

10

<p>Don't you have just under two months left of the semester? If you are strong enough to join the army, or do physical labor outdoors, you are certainly strong enough to make yourself study to get decent grades this semester. If you still feel this way after finals, take a leave of absence and explore other options. There are LOTS of non-traditional students out there....my sister got her degree at 47 and at 53 has almost finished her masters. She is not alone. You don't have to speed through school if it is not right for you. But do stick out the rest of the semester so the tuition money is not wasted.</p>

11

<p>
[quote]
I just don't value the opportunities I have here right now.

[/quote]
</p>

<p>Assuming you are not paying for your education yourself, and further assuming that (after you take advantage of every resource mentioned in the posts above) you still feel the same way at semester's end, and finally that you have yourself checked out for anything else health-wise that may be contributing, then ......don't let the door hit you in the backside on the way out. Adios. </p>

<p>Come back when you do value the gift you are being given.</p>

12

<p>^I'm not sure that was helpful...or what I woulda expected from Curmudgeon. many of us here have kids who've gone through tough times at school, and some had to withdraw for a while to get their heads straight, as Calmom described above. It doesn't mean they're being callous or cavalier about the "gift" they've been given.</p>

<p>Both my kids struggled in college adjustment. My D had an experience much like you describe about not fitting in, clubs being closed cliques, etc. but found a school where she fit much better and after transfering, thrived. That's one avenue to explore. It's important, though, to keep your grades up and finish the semester in order to have that possibility--that might motivate you when nothing else does, if you want to get out.</p>

<p>My S withdrew in his senior year, for complex reasons which didn't mean he was sick, and didn't mean he was throwing a "gift' away. We never saw our support for our kids this way. Some students do have a tough time making it work. Most people here know that, even if some act like they've forgotten.</p>

<p>I agree with others that counseling can help you figure out where you are at in your head, or at least sort out what's working, what's not, and how to start to move forward to something better. If your parents are not available, do you have a sibling, older relative, teacher, or other person who you could talk to? My kids were lucky that we were able to be there to support and listen to them; it's tough for those like you whose parents can't be. But try to think out someone in your life who knows you and can help you sort out your issues.</p>

<p>Meanwhile, consider the counseling center, and try to finish the semester. If you can't, then discuss with an advisor or academic dean if there's a way to withdraw which wipes out the semester rather than racking up W's. My S was able to do this.</p>

<p>Again, the aims should be first, take care of yourself now, and second, try to find a path which closes the least amount of doors for you later.</p>

<p>Best wishes to you.</p>

13

<p>The physical lethargy you describe -- books falling out of your hands, etc. -- and that feeling that your life has no "shape" are familiar to me from days when I was very, very depressed. Please make sure you are not suffering from depression. You can get help through a mixture of therapy and the right meds. This is NOT how you are supposed to be feeling, even if life is hard right now.</p>

14

<p>garland, sorry you took my admittedly direct post that way. I was just quoting the OP. Their words, not mine. </p>

<p>Let's re-state my advice. It was intended to be helpful. BTW, adios means "(Go) with God." I could have said "Godspeed" and maybe not have been misinterpreted. My bad. </p>

<ol>
<li>Do/try everything upstream posters said.</li>
<li>Seek help. There may be health considerations adding to this. (Possibly mental health,thyroid, etc)</li>
<li>If after 1 and 2 you still feel in your heart that you don't value the opportunities being provided for you, you should trust that feeling and skee-daddle.</li>
</ol>

<p>(skee-daddle meaning the same as "don't let the door hit you on the backside on the way out" or if still not clear enough "don't dilly-dally around and make it worse for everybody" ;)).</p>

<p>Gotta run. ;)</p>

15

<p>"The physical lethargy you describe -- books falling out of your hands, etc. -- and that feeling that your life has no "shape" are familiar to me from days when I was very, very depressed. Please make sure you are not suffering from depression. You can get help through a mixture of therapy and the right meds. This is NOT how you are supposed to be feeling, even if life is hard right now."</p>

<p>This is true, and I also speak from personal experience. It can be very hard to know you're depressed. It sneaks up on you, and you forget what life used to be like. </p>

<p>Please go to your college counseling center and talk to them about how you're feeling. Also get a medical check-up.</p>

<p>A grad student I know was recently suffering similar feelings that you're having. It ended up he had some kind of low grade infection and needed antibiotics.</p>

16

<p>Have not read all the posts, but one thing to realise- maybe now is not the time to be in college, if that is the case you can leave poorly or leave well. Talk to an advisor, not a student helper, a long term employee in your dept and ask how to withdraw in such a way as to be both welcome back or salvage a decent transcript for reapplying some where else later.</p>

<p>Maybe you do want to finish this term strong and take some time off, how do you do that and enable yourself to be welcomed back?</p>

<p>Maybe you need to withdraw entirely this term and take some time to find your passions and get involved thereby allowing you to have interest in your classes and the process later</p>

17

<p>I agree with curmudgeon. If there is nothing wrong medically you sound a bit spoiled to me. Get to a doc and make sure you are OK and not depressed and then either suck it up or quit and get a job. </p>

<p>Time you had a financial stake in life and in your education.</p>

18

<p>Adding to the chorus to encourage you to go to the health center. I felt the same way you are describing at one point in college and I wondered if I was a loser or if I was depressed or if I'd just chosen the wrong college. It turns out I had mono. </p>

<p>Please ignore the people telling you that you are selfish. That isn't helpful. You are a young person plugging along and you've got stuff that's bugging you but this is not a permanent feeling and there is help out there.</p>

19

<p>I really wish I had taken more time and framed a more politic response. Again, mea culpa. But it appears we may be looking at the same posts and seeing different things. This struck a chord with me.
[quote]
One of my parents is experiencing medical (and mental) issues and just wouldn't be able to handle my problems.

[/quote]
College is expensive. The thought of a parent living through the problems expressed by the OP and the expenses of college (assuming there are any...and I did admit that) for a kid who has stopped trying (or is incapable of trying) in any meaningful way?</p>

<p>I think I was the first to mention "medical problems" the OP might be facing. I did so to suggest testing a college counseling office simply can't do. And diagnoses they are incapable of making. (A child close to me had an undiagnosed thyroid disorder. Medication. No worries. All is good.) I certainly think that option needs to be considered as well as depression. I'm not smart enough to know all the other things that could be going on, but I know that I'd let a doc tell me. Once you run those traps, and use all the suggestions thoughtfully made here, then if the OP is just not ready for school...then don't stay there. </p>

<p>It will get insurmountable. The semesters will drag on. $ will/may keep flying out of the family's pocketbook. The GPA will continue to fall and future prospects will dwindle. I've seen it happen. Get while the getting is good. </p>

<p>If that's too harsh, well......ignore me. It won't be the first time I was wrong.</p>

20

<p>Curmudgeon--I don't think the last post was harsh at all. It may mean to say what you said in the first, but it has a qualitatively different feel now--I think it's a much clearer and more empathetic message than how I'd interpreted the first one. And that makes more sense to me.</p>