<p>But here's the deal. It's February, I'm almost 6 months into my freshman year, and I hate it. I never thought this would be me. I love school, and, though it takes some time for me to open up to people, I can eventually make friends. I had tons of friends in high school, and I was really happy. Now, I'm miserable. And I feel so alone. </p>
<p>I don't have many friends.. in fact, I can count them on one hand, and that's with a few amputated fingers. There isn't anyone I'd actually miss all that much if I left, and I don't even feel like I've done anything substantial or made any good memories the past 6 months. I just want a friend group. I feel like that'd make things better... but no matter how hard I try (and believe me, I've tried), I just can't make friends. And it's making me so depressed... literally. when I get lonely, I get nostalgic. It's not even that I'm homesick because I'm really not, but being so alone makes me think about home and high school more. And I hate it. I just want to be happy here.</p>
<p>I'm not really asking for advice (unless you guys want to give me some). I've joined a ton of clubs, I smile and say hello to everyone I see, I try to be as friendly as possible every time I meet or speak to someone. I feel like I'm a semi-interesting person. I go to the gym kind of regularly. I go out on weekends. I try to get involved and put myself into situations to meet people, I just can't find friends.</p>
<p>So really I just want to know if this is normal. Will it change? Will things get better? Maybe I just take longer adjusting. It did take me about a year to make more than 2 friends in high school, so do you think the same will happen in college? Am I incredibly behind if I don't make friends this year? And should I consider transferring? </p>
<p>Any help is greatly appreciated. I'm really, really desperate right now. I just want to change my situation.</p>
<p>Do you think you’d have a different experience somewhere else? It sounds to me like this is a persistent problem for you, and transferring would just make you start over AGAIN.</p>
<p>I don’t really have great advice . . . I wish I did! My D went through something similar when she changed high schools, and it was really rough. I sort of felt, though, like she was sabotaging her chances at friendship because she was unhappy we had to move. Do you think you could be subconsciously acting in ways that push people away? You say you are open and friendly, but maybe you come across as too needy? Are you trying too hard? Or maybe your unhappiness is really obvious to others?</p>
<p>If you had tons of friends in high school, then you are clearly capable of making friends. It may take a while, but I’m sure you’ll make some if you keep giving it a chance.</p>
<p>I didn’t really make a friend group until my second year. I met these girls my first year and we were sort of casual friends, and then somehow we were really close when we came back for second year. I think you just have to keep trying. If all you’re doing is putting yourself out there and being friendly and that isn’t working, maybe you need to make the first move-- I usually do. I can be a little quiet around new people and it tends to be misinterpreted as my wanting to be left alone, so I end up needing to be the one to take initiative and ask people to go along with me to movies or parties or whatever and then things go from there. It doesn’t make much sense to just show up and expect everyone else to make the first move all the time, sometimes it works out that way but you’re just as capable of initiating a friendship yourself.</p>
<p>As a Mother, your post touches my heart. We not only want our children to excel in their academic pursuits while in college, but we also want them to be able to explore all of the wonderful social aspects of the collegiate experience. I know you’ve advised that you particpate in clubs at your school. Athough that is a wonderful first step, I think you’re going to need to become a bit more involved than just a club participant. </p>
<p>Have you volunteered to run a specific club sponsored event? Putting yourself out there “front and center” will generate more opportunities for more personal interactions with others. If your
club(s) are soliciting members for specific School sponsored forums, volunteer to head-up one of the various committees. Is you School newspaper looking for on campus reporters to interview students in regards to campus concerns? Volunteer to be a roaving reporter for your School Newspaper. As a news reporter, you’ll be forced to introduce yourself to students at-large, while at the same time needing the courage to meet and interview random students. Have a favorite sport that you wouldn’t dare participate in? Change gears…join an intramural sports team and dare yourself to compete athletically. *Hint: Pick a popular intramural to join! If you weren’t the kind to run for student government in High School, dare yourself to run for a student government position at you college. It doesn’t matter that you don’t know many students. Running for office will force you to organize a campaign and get your name (and policies) in front of the student body at large. </p>
<p>Of all of the forementioned, what’s the worse that could happen? Test the waters and try new interest. If you force yourself to step out of your comfort zone you’re sure to meet more people. </p>
<p>As you engage and meet new students, some will be more appealing/interesting to you than others. The more you step out of your isolation, your self confidence will build. You will attract people with similar interest to that of your own. </p>
<p>Don’t be afraid to step out of your shell and embrace all of the students who are waiting to meet you. You sound like a very sweet person. It is great to have such a warm soul. </p>
<p>Now, let the world appreciate the bloom of your rose !</p>
<p>You are all very sweet, and I appreciate the replies.</p>
<p>Got2BeGreen, you could be spot on. I’ll try to be more conscientous of that. To respond to your transfer comment, that is the biggest concern of mine. But I also do not want to regret not transferring, too. If I do transfer, I’m considering a school where a handful of my close friends attend. They all have different friend groups, so I would instantly be able to meet many people in a more comfortable setting. </p>
<p>And thank you, LilMamma. You were very helpful. I’ll try to start taking more leadership roles in clubs, although I do have one already. It’s just scary! And I know I need to get over it, but I can’t stop myself from being shy and a little insecure. I try to speak up, but I tend to get overshadowed by the more outgoing personalities. Or I simply cannot think of what to say. I guess transferring will not solve that, but I wish I could fix it here.</p>
<p>FEAR binds the mouths, minds, and hearts of those who’s greatest efforts were silenced thus never heard… </p>
<p>I wish you much future success and happiness in all of your collegiate pursuits. Take small steps to step out from the shadows of those seemingly more confident students. Lend your voice and talents to the clubs, organizations, and programs that are interesting to you, those that will empower you to become a more visible and interactive presence on campus. You owe it to YOURSELF to give the social scene a little more time before you decide to transfer. </p>
<p>In truth, even the stellar “outgoing personalities” ARE sensitive and insecure at times, and perhaps more so than you’ll ever FULLY realize. </p>
<p>The plump personalities types- are just a bit too “college cool” to let anyone know ! - Their secret is safe with us. </p>
<p>FWIW, my D had a rough first semester but things gradually got better. She said most of the things you are saying, and I see posts like yours about this time every year . My daughter didn’t want to go back 2nd semester first year, talked about transfering, but couldn’t WAIT to go back by second semester second year. She is now a second semester Junior. I don’t think six months is long at all, although I know it probably seems that way.</p>
<p>Try to interact most with the people who are in classes for your major. You’ll probably be working with them for the next 3 1/2 years (if not more), and naturally have similar interests and things to talk about.</p>
<p>So it’s really not too late if it has already been 6 months? I just feel like I haven’t gotten anywhere this whole time. I’ve had a fun night every now and then, but nothing that I’d actually miss if I were to erase it all and start over. I think back to the past 6 months and feel like nothing has happened… I graduated high school feeling fairly confident and secure with myself, and now I’m just broken. I’m questioning who I am, I’m questioning why I can’t seem to make friends or find my niche here, I’m questioning why it seems like so many other people – including my high school friends – are having the time of their lives, and I’m always just letting time pass.</p>
<p>I don’t want thing to be like this. I’m trying to keep myself busy, but I’m not passionate about the clubs I’m in, and I still haven’t made any true friendships. I go to a small school, so it should be so easy to make friends! And I look around me and see people eating with huge groups and going out on weekends together, and I always eat with the same one or two people. </p>
<p>I just need reassurance that things can get better. It did take me a year or so to make some solid high school friends, and then I graduated with many, many people I think will be lifelong friends. But right now I’m starting to really give up hope, and it’s difficult. And when is the right time to start truly considering transferring?</p>
<p>You should do a search on the college life forum. I can think of maybe ten threads like this. Not saying you shouldn’t check out your options, but things can get better.</p>
<p>It can take awhile to transfer, so you can consider it now, but don’t burn bridges where you are. Where we are, you have to be a junior to transfer into our publics, and there are very specific requirements. For some privates you need a letter of reccomendation, and it may take some doing to get to know a teacehr well enough to write one.</p>
<p>I find that interesting that some public schools have very specific transfer requirements. Im most likely transferring but the school im looking at is public and doesn’t have much in the way of transfer requirements</p>
<p>Yeah that’s interesting, I didn’t know that either. I’ve already started considering a few schools, and I don’t think I have to wait to be a junior for any of them… but I didn’t realize some public schools have that requirement.</p>
<p>Just keep in mind THOUSANDS of other college students are in the exact same situation as you are. Sometimes you are doing nothing wrong, it just happens that you haven’t met the right people. If you think there is something inherently incompatible with the type of people at the college you are and it would be better somewhere else, then perhaps transferring is a worthy consideration.</p>
<p>Be patient. If you do well at school, it will open up so many more opportunities later in life. That’s the most important thing. The fact that you enjoy school is a fantastic thing. Many people may seem to be having fun and have many friends, but if they can’t keep up academically, they are setting themselves up for a much tougher future.</p>
<p>i feel the same way too. i already decided im going to transfer back home next semester to finish my basics then go from there. people say it hasnt been that long but when you have no friends and have so much time alone it really makes you depressed which is why im just going home next semester. i had a lot of friends in highschool too which is why i cant understand why its so hard at the school i am now. i think my school just isnt right for me and its better to transfer next semester then keep being miserable</p>
<p>I didn’t make any friends until Fall of my second year. I’d met the people who were going to become my good friends first year, but we just didn’t click until we came back for second year. It’s not going to be as easy to make friends in college as it was in high school, you don’t all have the same passing periods and lunch schedules anymore. It makes a big difference.</p>
<p>Sounds like you should maybe transfer to the state school that half your high school goes to. It will be high school v2, but at least you’ll know more people.</p>
<p>Making friends at college is much more difficult than making them at high school. Whereas high school provides a natural environment for friendships to be formed, you have to actively create that environment (or get really lucky) if you want the same in college.</p>
<p>You gain friends by sharing experiences with other people and finding out more about each other through those experiences in an agreeable manner. While the high school environment puts you in those situations (through group projects, passing periods, lunches, school-sponsored events, etc.), they don’t just fall on you in college.</p>
<p>As many have put it: to make a friend, you need to be a friend. Imagine yourself to be a good friend of an acquaintance. Ask yourself: if you were a friend, what would you do with him/her? Do just that and take it to the next level next time. After all, if someone you met in a club treated you like a friend even though you didn’t know them that well, how would you react? That’s how most people will react.</p>
<p>Now, get to there and start making friends. Someone has to make the first move, and the truth is, there’s not many people who make those first moves. Unless you want to wait it out and hope for the somewhat small chance that you get lucky, you better start making friends yourself.</p>