I would really appreciate some feedback on my appeal letter

<p>Long story short- was placed on financial aid suspension. First time. Any feedback appreciated, also anyone who can tell me whether they think it will be approved or not.. I'm hoping they will give me another shot</p>

<p>To Whom it May Concern:</p>

<p>I am writing this on my own behalf to appeal the University of Arizona Financial Aid Office’s decision to suspend my financial aid for 2010-2011. I understand the strict standards needed to ensure that the financial aid system is not taken advantage of and abused. I also understand why my aid was suspended and I take full responsibility for my lacking academic performance. However, as you will read in my statement, I have had some extenuating circumstances that I believe should be taken into consideration when determining my appeal status, along with my plan of action regarding improving my grades.</p>

<p>I have had medical issues since 2008 stemming from the removal of one of my ovaries due to a large soccer ball sized tumor. It was determined to be borderline malignancy, which did not require chemotherapy, but it did require a follow up surgery and frequent visits to an oncologist for check ups. The checkups and the threat of having my remaining ovary removed hanging over my head the last couple years have caused an enormous amount of stress and anxiety for me. My oncologist suggested that I may be depressed and should consider speaking with a therapist over a year ago, but I brushed aside her suggestion. I now realize this very well may be the case and further hindering my academic performance. With this realization, I am determined to use all resources available to me to treat the depression, and no longer have it affect my ability to do day to day tasks and remain committed and perform well in my classes.</p>

<p>It isn’t until recently that I realize my doctor was right, and I should have sought help to cope with the stress and pressure not only with my medical problems, but also the incredibly tough transition to be a University student of non-traditional age. I struggled through my first semester, barely scraping by with a 1.999 GPA. I was put on Academic Probation, but was never given any kind of warning concerning my financial aid status. I was also ill frequently during the Fall semester which caused me to miss classes. As a result of this, I did have my tonsils removed over Christmas break. In addition to any health problems I was having, I was struggling in my classes and still not sure where to go for help. I was overwhelmed, and didn’t realize until it was too late that I may be suffering from depression in the wake of the medical issues. When I realized my GPA would yet again not be anywhere near where I wanted it to be, I began formulating a plan to drastically improve my academic performance for the Fall and subsequent semesters. I also plan to change my major to Ecology and Management of Rangelands, I realized I was passionate about protecting the beautiful western rangelands that have been home to me. I learned of an internship through the Bureau of Land Management for college students that would be related to the career field I wish to pursue after completion of my degree. The only problem is that the internship has a minimum GPA requirement. It was then that I realized I needed to take control of my academic performance and no longer allow any outside issues to distract from my number one priority, which is school. In order to improve in my classes and reach a GPA not only in compliance with SAP standards, but also to be eligible for the internship I desire and more reflective of my own abilities, I have formulated a plan to improve. My plan is to utilize tutoring services on campus, starting at the beginning of the semester, and throughout the semester on a regular basis. For classes I am having additional struggles in, I plan to get a private tutor and meet with that tutor on a weekly basis to stay not only on top of everything, but ahead as well. I also plan to see my doctor about possible depression and get help for that issue, and no longer allow it to negatively affect my life, especially my academics. I have a game plan to improve, to change, and to succeed. I know I am capable of being a formidable academic presence and of performing well in school. I just had to determine what tools I needed to help me to succeed. And I now have these tools in my arsenal, and they will be used to their full extent to help in my academic success at the University of Arizona and further career success after graduation. Even though I do work part time, I will restrict the number of hours a week I work, and only have one job, so that I have more time for schoolwork.</p>

<p>I am not the typical 18 year old freshman who is away from home for the first time and was too busy partying and living the social college scene to pay any attention to academics. I am several years older, and I don’t even drink- much less “party”. I worked a part time job on campus in addition to volunteer work and occasional babysitting. I am putting myself through school, and cannot afford to pay out of pocket to have financial aid reinstated. I had a rough couple semesters of transition and stress due to medical issues. I know I am the only person responsible for my academic performance and I am who I must hold myself accountable too. However, I now feel I have the plan and tools that I need to perform well academically and not only meet, but exceed all standards for financial aid eligibility. Any issues that have affected my academics previously now have a resolution in place to prevent them from affecting my academic standing from this point on. I can promise you that if granted Financial Aid probation instead of suspension, this circumstance will not happen again.</p>

<p>Thank you for your time and understanding, and I do hope to have another chance to prove my abilities.</p>

<p>At first I thought that you have lots of plans for the future and aren’t doing anything now–but then I realized that it doesn’t make sense for you to go to college tutoring or pay a private tutor for classes you may or may not be taking this fall. However, what is holding you back from getting treatment for depression? Waiting to see a doctor not only undercuts your argument that depression contributed to your low grades, it delays treatment for you! Don’t just make plans to do it; do it! Please make an appointment with your doctor today.</p>

<p>The paragraph in the middle seems a little long and rambling. I think it would be more effective if you would avoid blaming the financial aid people for not warning you of the potential loss of aid, and focus on your health issues (depression and the sickness last fall that led to your having your tonsils removed.) Also, be sure to change the section on plans for depression to say something along the lines of, “I have made an appointment for treatment for depression,” or “I have begun treatment for depression,” depending on where you are in the process when you send the letter.</p>

<p>I wish you good luck!</p>

<p>^Agreed, also paragraph 2 is too much info on medical details which should remain private…a sentence or two regarding surgeries to remove pre-cancerous growths and the stress that caused you should be sufficient. Good luck!</p>