I write crap personal statements. Help.

<p>Actually, I've never tried to write a personal statement. However, I'm going to post the measly bit that I've got at the moment and hopefully I'll get some constructive criticism. I'm trying to master the art of turning crap into wine. :)</p>

<p>Personal Essay – Common app</p>

<p>Community college rocked my world. Away from the loud, chaos-racked halls of high school, it was like a breath of fresh air. I excelled. I've always loved to learn - for as long as I can remember I've been full of questions. Getting sick during my sophomore year in high school dampened my enthusiasm. I was sick three to four days of five. I had to first drop my honors courses, then transfer schools and do a contract program to finish out the year and recover. Running Start was a welcome change. I was healthy, and motivated.</p>

<p>The classes available to me were limited. I had to concentrate on fulfilling my high school requirements and balance those with my A.A. degree, and my passions. From the time I was ten years old, I aspired to go into psychology. I love the human mind, how it functions, and what makes us tick. I was selected to be a Peer Mentor at Community College. My job was to help incoming students feel comfortable with college. I had more "mentees" than any other student in the program. I also was selected to help an autistic girl and an international student from Somalia. For a while, all I wanted to do was to become a wonderful therapist - someone who would actually care about their clients. I still find this to be a wonderful path, but not the one for me.</p>

<p>My only struggle with picking a definitive direction is that I'm so drawn to so many of them. I've always been a fan of the social sciences, and writing. I considered majoring in English, or Journalism. I thought about a degree in History or Psychology. For a time, I toyed with the thought of Intercultural Communications. Languages are beautiful, and the successful communication of countries is imperative to the furthering of peace. I decided that this too wasn't for me.</p>

<p>I finally found my major when I took Philosophy. Philosophy wasn't by any means my first choice for a major. I'd never even considered it. My mother was a math teacher and a software engineer. My father was a Chinese, Japanese, and American History instructor at Community College for 39 years. I spent several weeks in the summer for three years running at a Chinese immersion camp in Minnesota. Both of my parents were world travelers, and they shared their love for travel with me. At fifteen, we took a trip to France, England, and the Netherlands. When I graduated from college and high school at seventeen, I took another trip to Italy, Germany, and the Netherlands. I’m still not sure exactly what I want to do with my degree, but I do know that I want it to take me places.</p>

<p>My introduction to Philosophy class was part of a Learning Community, 15-credit, three hour class. I loved it. The class, called The Heart of the Matter: Love, Sex, Power, and Madness, had me exploring the way that the world is. I learned about how all of the subjects I love (History, English, Foreign Culture, Gender Studies, Psychology, etc.) fit together. It was enthralling. My only other Philosophy class was a Logic class, which grabbed me up from the first moment. I admired the marriage of deductive and inductive reasoning. The study of an argument; how to reason and to communicate ideas without the hindrance of fallacies appealed to me.</p>

<p>I would like to minor in English, and possibly Linguistics or Education. There are definitely some decisions still to be made. I’m hoping that my degree will open doors for me. I’d like to be an editor, a lawyer, a foreign relations specialist, or a professor. There are so many directions I’d like to go. Ideally, I will come out with my bachelor’s degree, but also with a heightened ability to think critically, write clearly, and communicate my ideas.</p>

<p>Since graduating with honors for my A.A. degree in June of 2010, I’ve been in purgatory. In spite of a dismal economy, I have managed to stay employed in a variety of positions, but it’s becoming time to move forward. There’s nothing like the structure of college to encourage an organized and creative livelihood. I believe that Reed will provide me with the type of environment that will allow me to thrive as a student and as an individual.
Furthering my education and continuing on to get my M.A. is my eventual goal. My career choice remains a mystery. I am hoping that my experiences in the next couple of years will allow me to enrich myself and to further my education, and to find what it is that I’ve been looking for.</p>

<p>(Too much cheese?)</p>

<p>Is this your “Why Reed?” essay? Or a response to some prompt on the Common App?</p>

<p>If it’s a Why Reed essay, I don’t know from the essay why Reed is the college for you. You could achieve the goals you stated at pretty much any college (and also, Reed doesn’t offer minors). Have you visited Reed? How would you be a good fit for this particular college? “I believe that Reed will provide me with the type of environment that will allow me to thrive as a student and as an individual.” – What type of environment is that? Be specific.</p>

<p>Also, there are a lot of lists, a lot of various interests you have but not a very clear focus. Perhaps you could just focus only on your love of philosophy? Or whatever you’re passionate about. It’s fine to be interested/passionate about many things, but it kind of weakens the force of your essay to name them all.</p>

<p>Just a side note, you included your name and where you live— not a good idea, this is a public forum.</p>