If anyone is willing to help me with my essay I would really appreciate it! :)

<p>Essay prompt: Describe the world you come from - for example, your family,community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations. 250-500 words</p>

<pre><code>For as long as I could remember I have always felt the bitter disappointment of never living up to my father's expectations. At a young age I learned to strive in academics and sports. It seemed to everyone that I was just an extroverted child filled with self determination, but in actuality the yearning of my father's approval kept pushing me to achieve perfection. I had striven to acquire as many awards and trophies as possible in hopes of generating the slightest sign of my father's approval. Feeling as if everything I did was unsatisfactory I quickly lost all confidence in myself. The lack of support and love that failed to be expressed rapidly affected me in all aspects of life.
Sophomore year the rocky relationship between my father and I had taken an even further step back. Being constantly gone due to his occupation, I saw my father once every three weeks. His lack of presence created a strain on how I felt about him. Having resentful feelings of the past only increased when I began to feel as if I had been abandoned and forgotten. With the need to provide for my family, my father continued this work pattern for five years. As each year passed I grew more and more distant; more and more angry. As time continued on, I no longer knew who my father was. I had no emotional connection. As far as I was concerned, my father was a stranger.
Upon entering my Junior year I could no longer bare the thought of seeing my father. Filled with rage I had exploded. I stood in front of my father and wildly spilled out my emotions. I explained to him that I felt as if I would never be able to live up to his expectations, I sobbed to him of how we had no real father-daughter relationship, and I stressed to him that my sudden outburst was created by years of repressed feelings.
Although my father's parental approach was often not appreciated I have come to realize the cons I received from it. Attempting to gain my father's satisfaction kept me questioning how I could feel such a lack of emotion for someone who I was supposed to have a biological connection with. As I continued to seek for answers, I stumbled across the studies of Psychology. Psychology had unlocked the answers to all my questions.
From the moment I encountered psychology, I instantaneously decided on my major right there and then. My father may not have given me the emotional connection I was looking for, but instead he gave me so much more. He has given me a passion and for that I am grateful.
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<p>I liked your topic of interest and felt moved because I could relate to your essay. I, too, am interested in Psychology but can’t find a way to adequately express how I grew to love it for it in my 1st prompt so I left it out…I digress. Anyway, I felt your strongest point was the third paragraph when you talked about releasing your bottled emotions. You have some strong feelings about that I’m sure. But, I felt like your fourth paragraph didn’t really do justice for finishing the story up. Maybe you could just end with saying, “Despite the distant and (word of your choice) relationship I had with my father, I learned to appreciate (x,y,z, events) for happening because it led me to my true passion and love for Psychology.”</p>

<p>I feel the essay is a like a venting session, which is not suitable for a college essay. </p>

<p>What three things do you want admissions to remember you by and instill that in your essay. How can you position the negative relationship with your father in a neutral tone or in a more positive light? What do you find so intriguing about Psychology?</p>

<p>Hope this helps. Best of luck!</p>

<p>“For as long as i remember” makes my eyes glaze over, and unwilling to continue reading.
Also, a general recommendation is to not criticize and spout negative things about your parents. They may be an integral part of your life and decisions, but to vent is never a good idea.</p>